I'm new here. I will give you some back story so you know what is going on. My H has been having an A for a little over 2 yrs. It started while we were going through IVF in 2009 and has continued through to present day. He came to me in August and "confessed", but then on October 16th I found a video of them having sex after he had told me it was over and there was no contact. I had been doing Plan A, but since the discovery of the video I have implemented Plan B. He has moved into his sisters house, but he calls. I am still getting questions answered and I would like to let the OW's H know about the A but WS doesn't want me talking to him. WS just wants to move past "all this drama" and move on with life. I on the other hand am not sure that he is not talking to her still. I have asked for call and text logs for his work phone and he still hasn't requested them from the carrier. What am I doing wrong? I try not to talk about her but then something triggers and I have more questions. WS is tired of answering questions and just wants me to let it go. I know we are going to have to move once we start recovery but right now he wanted some time to figure out why he did this and I need time to forgive him. But she works for the same company but not in the same building, and she lives about 5 minutes from our home. They would meet at her house to have sex. So I'm having all kinds of issues. I need some advice. I have read the Surviving an Affair book but my WS won't read it. I emailed him some of it and he has yet to read that. I'm so confused right now.

Expose to her husband, and everyone else with influence.

I really want to but my WH keeps telling me he's going to come to the house looking for him. I know he deserves it and he would do that also if the situation were turned around. He is also scarred of losing his job, and her losing her job. I don't care if that whore losses her job I hope she does. But the thing is HR already knows about the A b/c the OW used to be directly under his management. So after he told me about the A he took 2 weeks off work and had her transferred to another district manager. I should still tell the OW H huh?

AMJ, the biggest mistake you have made is keeping the affair a secret. By keeping it a secret, you are enabling the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so keeping it a secret, keeps it alive. If you want to kill it and save your marriage, you should expose the affair wide and far without warning.

Start by exposing the affair to the OW's husband. Give him a call and give him the evidence. On the same day, you should expose to the OW's facebook contacts and to their employer. Expose the affair to your husbands family and friends. Ask them all to use their influence to persuade him to end his affair.

When you expose to the workplace, send a letter [I will post a template] to the Director of Human Resources, a key VP, and both their bosses. Be sure and cc them all on the letter so no one is tempted to throw the letter away.


Go to the OW's facebook page and copy and paste all her contacts into a WORD doc. Send out this letter to her facebook contacts SPACING IT 60 SECONDS APART SO THEY DO NOT SHUT YOU DOWN FOR FLOODING:

AMJ, there are no guarantees, but this is your best hope of saving your marriage. You have enabled this affair for a very long time so there are no easy answers, but if it can be saved, this might do it.

When your husband finds out you exposed his affair, he will try to contact you because he will be furious. But since you are in Plan B, he won't be able to get through.

Did you send him a Plan B letter? Do you have an intermediary?

Your husband's victim won't need to come to the house if you tell him where your husband is living. I would give him your husbands current address and his cell phone #. Offer to be his ally in killing this affair and give him your sympathy. Your husband has done a horrendous, despicable thing to this man and his children.

AMJL,

Welcome to MB.

You don't have a firm grasp of the plans and you are all over the place. If you are still talking to your WH, then you are not in Plan B...yet.

You are still in Plan A. You can do this even though your WH is out of the home. Try to be pleasant, avoid lovebusters and stop trying to "talk" to him about his affair. Don't try to get your WH to read SAA or tell him about exposure or anything else you are reading on this site.

This is very salveageable but you need to put your focus into killing this affair. Luckily, you have a powerful weapon available to you that you haven't used yet ~ exposure.

I see that Melody posted to you regarding exposure and I encourage you to follow all of the advice she has given you.

hang in there!

You have a moral responsibility to expose your husband to the OW husband. Also to your family and friends. Of course he wants to sweep it under the rug. He wants to avoid dealing with the issues. Tell him the questions will continue until you are satisfied and that if there is any hope of recovery he must implement 100% no contact for life, write a no contact letter, implement EP's that are agreeable to both of you and never...MEVER.. set a timetable on your recovery

CV

expose

AMJL,

Your husband is not ready for recovery. Some waywards don't come back hat in hand right away because they are going through withdrawal, but yours isn't showing ANY kind of readiness to put your marriage back together properly!

He will be angry that you exposed the affair - of course he doesn't want you to! Your marriage can survive the short term anger. It can NOT survive continued contact with this OW or even just the continued fantasy of the OW which is what will happen if that fantasy world isn't shattered.

Exposure will shatter that fantasy world. It must be done. The OW's husband deserves to know.

AMJL, not only is it the right thing to do as a human being, but the fact that your WH has already expressed concern about OWH knowing shows you that OWH is your most powerful exposure target.

Expose this to him asap.

Thank you for all your advice. I woke up today horribly nauseous and eye twitching because of all this stress. I have decided to go to their home and tell the OW's husband. I just don't feel comfortable going alone so I will be taking a friend with me. I also have to arrange childcare for my son. That won't be hard b/c all of our friends know about the A and are willing to help me with our son and anything else.

The only thing that I didn't feel right about were the letters to the employer. I know I shouldn't worry about it, but this is our only source of income. So I'm scarred of him losing his job, even though HR does already know about the A. Plus I don't have any emails for these people to send a letter to, much less an address.

VEry good, AMJ. That is the right thing to do. And I would also expose this to the OW's facebook friends, ALL of your parents, and close friends. You need to do a very comprehensive exposure in order for this to be effective. Don't do just a little exposure. The more people that are talking to him, the greater the chance that someone will get through to him.

When you speak to his parents, encourage them to call him up and use their influence to persuade him to end his affair. This needs to happen all on the same day.

Does his sister know the extent of this or does she think he's living there because "y'all are having problems."

She needs to know and, because your husband needs to hit rock bottom to truly end this affair, hopefully she'll toss his butt on the street.


Translation: This guy doesn't know about the affair and might kick my [censored]. That would be painful. I don't want to see any consequences for my actions. Too, her husband might stop his wife from screwing seeing me.


He's still talking to her because...



You're asking someone to give you damning evidence against them when they don't want to get caught.


Of course he is! You're bothering him with all this honesty and marriage stuff while he's trying to get his groove on with the chick from work!


Expose it to the workplace as others suggested.


And they probably still are. Sorry, but the truth is that won't change until you get seriously pissed off and blow the lid off this secret of theirs.


Save your breath, he isn't going to read anything right now. Right now, he's focused on how to get you to quiet down with all the complaining about his girlfriend.

You have a shot at busting this thing up. So get busy!

So WH told me he had interviews all day today. So I have the Sprint Family Locator on our phones, I located him and it was nowhere near one of his stores. He is a District Manager. I googled what was in the area and there is an Extended Stay America right there. So I immediately start thinking that they are together at this hotel. I call him and he doesn't answer. He calls me back a few minutes later and he tells me he's at one of his stores. After I got off the phone with him I called the hotel to see if there was a room under his name or hers. There wasn't. But then I thought, of course they wouldn't use their real names! So I located him again and he was at that store.

Am I just being crazy? Because I kinda feel like that, but he won't tell me what hotels they met at. Just said it was over by work.

And he's not helping me with this whole thing because he is being all Jekyll and Hyde on me. One minutes his nice telling me he loves me and misses me then he is yelling at me and cursing at me. I never know what to expect.

I don't know what I should be doing. I have lined up someone to watch my son on Monday and a friend to go with me to speak to the OW's husband. So I know next week is not going to be good, even though my WH says he doesn't care if I talk to him anymore.

HELP!!!

AMJL, none of your history is here - its on the other thread so posters wil not know how to respond - click the notify button below and ask the mods to merge this into your original thread so everything is together.

I am not sure why you are surprised he is lying to you. Last time you were on here he was an active wayard and you were told to expose.

Gather your evidence
dont let him know you are snooping
dont let him know you are about to expose
expose to everyone - your side, his side, OWs husband and the workplace. (definitely the workplace - OK?)

Without tough love you arent going to get anywhere and you will continue hearing lies and seeing bad stuff like this.

Jekyll and Hyde behaviour from a wayward is normal.

Waywards dont help. And they shouldnt be told anything.

How do I reveal to the workplace? I don't have any of the contacts and don't know any names of his boss. He is a district manager so he has a "main" office downtown but is rarely there. He's always driving around to the stores. So I never know where he is or where he is going.

I do want to confront the OW, and I want to do that at her store. because she was under his management until he told me about the A.

Find the information about who to contact by doing a search for the company's website and then finding out who the Pres and VP are, as well as addressing a letter to the HR dept and to their corporate attorney. Make sure you show the CC in the bottom of the letter, so no one will be tempted to throw it away.

Is it against the store's policy for anyone to date someone within the company who is at a different level than them? I know it is at my workplace, and both employees would be fired if that were the case.

Is there a reason why you are dragging this out? Why have you not exposed this affair, AMJ?

Please expose the affair and make plans to go into Plan B. Since you have enabled his affair for so long, I don't have high hopes, I have to be honest. I would ask him to move out. His abuse is going to land you right in the mental hospital with a nervous breakdown soon enough.

Call his district office and ask for the names of the Director of Human Resources and a key company Vice President. Don't confront the OW until later. Right now, focus on exposing the affair.