And DO NOT warn him of your actions.

You must do everything at once. Why can't you do it tomorrow?

I have wanted to go to the OW's husband the whole time but my WH and even our counselor told me not to! We have since stopped going to that counselor.

WH is not living at home. Once I found the video of them having sex on his phone I kicked him out. He keeps telling me it's over and he doesn't want to go back to her. That he loves and misses me. But so far it's all words and no actions to prove it's over and he wants to work on the marriage.

I can't do it tomorrow because she will be home and she knows what I look like. She won't answer the door. And I didn't want to have to tell the OW's husband about his WW in front of their children. He can tell their children. That's not my place.

But, if he is there, he can answer the door. You don't have to tell him in front of his children. You can ask him to step outside. Either that, or you could call his house, disguising your # with *67 and ask for him.

His sister and Mom both know he "had" an affair. They do not really know everything. I have asked his sister if I could talk with her to tell her why we are really separated. She agreed. Do I need to do this on Monday as well since that's when I'm exposing to the OW's husband? And call his mom and tell her the WHOLE ugly truth? He is not close with his Dad at all. They barely talk so I don't think he will have any influence on him. If anything it will be the sister he's living with. Although, she just got divorced after her kids went to college b/c her husband had A's the entire marriage, she knew and stayed with him so the kids would have a father. So needless to say, I feel like this is what my WH expects of me. But I told him that's not how I roll.

The only hold up I have about the work exposure is him losing his job. He is the only income we have. I am a SAHM. So if he loses his job I don't know what we will do. He was looking for another job but nothing. So that's my hesitation with that one.

I've been trying to get their home phone number to call him but I can't find it. I think they are unlisted.

I would call up ALL of his family members and tell them about the affair and ask them to use their influence to persuade your H to end his affair. Give them all the facts and tell them who the OW is.

I would do your exposures this weekend.

Additionally, it is a good idea to expose to the OW's facebook contacts because you can hit her closest family and friends. Go to her facebook page, copy all her contacts into a WORD doc for safe keeping. Change your facebook pic to one of you and your husband. Send all these people a PRIVATE MESSAGE asking them to influence that ho to leave your husband alone. SPACE THE MESSAGES OUT 60 SECONDS APART SO FB DOES NOT SHUT YOU DOWN FOR FLOODING.

Do you have a friend or pastor who can go there with you?

Okay about the FB thing. All her stuff is set to private friends only. I can't get her contacts. So I can't expose them there. But I can do it to my WH's FB friends.

Is your WH not her friend? Can you go in under his account and get her friends?

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Can you find her husband on facebook? Do a search for his name and see if you can find some of their family members that way.

No he is not her friend on FB.

FB is tricky,

Check your settings to make sure she is not blocked on your page, OW could have you and or your WH blocked as well. If you know her create a second page, and pretend to be someone from her HS. You only need a day on her wall to get her friends. My WW used all sorts of tricks on FB to keep me in the dark.....since DDay, I am a FB blood hound, and my WW knows I watch her every move.

Do what ever you have to do to kill the affair, no recovery can happen until then.

Good Luck, God Bless...

Do it all at the same time. You don't want to do a bit here and a bit there because it'll give him the chance to spin it to those you haven't reached yet.

Make sense?


Contact his father, anyways. You never know what influence he may have and don't want to leave any stone unturned.

But, above all, talk to the OW's husband. Call his workplace, follow him in your car, whatever it takes to get in touch with him.



Hesitation understood. But if you divorce, you won't have his income, either. Things have a funny way of working themselves out so you should tell the workplace, but he cannot be around this OW if your marriage is to ever stand a chance.

I went to the OW's house on Monday and told the husband. He did not believe me at first. I had brought the call logs from the cell phones, he made excuses that they worked together so they had to talk. I then had to describe to him the bedroom they had sex in that I saw on the video. His response was, "We don't have a ceiling fan." But I saw that he had started to believe me at the end. I didn't want to tell him about the video b/c I could see how much this was already hurting him. He asked for my contact info and I gave him my cell number. Maybe that wasn't a good idea, I don't know. But I also gave him my WH's phone numbers. Needless to say that WH is super pissed at me and blaming the consequences of his actions on me. Now the OW is contacting him and letting him know what the husband is doing, such as, calling people at their work and telling them about the affair and video, and calling my WH non-stop. The OW's husband was calling me non-stop but has stopped. I didn't talk to him again, because my WH said that he was being violent. I didn't want to get my son into any danger so I haven't answered those calls. But my WH finally spoke to the OW's husband and he denied having an A with her. I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EARS!! Really? He can't even take responsibility for his own actions. I know he's scarred of getting his [censored] kicked but that what happens when you sleep with someone else's wife.

Right now I don't know what is going to happen with me and WH. He doesn't want to do counseling together. But he hasn't come right out and said I don't want our marriage to work either. But then he hasn't said he DOES want our marriage to work. I figure that is normal with him being so angry at me. But I had told him I was going to talk to the husband. He just didn't think I'd really do it. And he thinks I lied to him about it b/c I told him on Sunday I wasn't sure when I was going. I had planned to do this many times and chickened out. But I didn't on Monday. Plus I told him I was not going to tell him when I went b/c then he would just call the OW and let her know I was going to her house. That's dumb.

Anyhow, I'm not real sure what I do now. Do I just wait? I was thinking of going out of town to my Mom's for a week to let things cool down and defuse. What are y'all's thoughts on that?

Sorry this was long, but I just got my computer back today.

AMJ, good job in speaking to the OWH! I would return his phone calls and tell him about his wife's continued contact with your husband and with you. You must stay in touch with him in order to kill this affair.

Did you do the other exposures as we suggested? I would get them ALL done now including exposing to the OWs parents. Call them up and ask them to persuade their daughter to leave your husband alone.

Do not tell him in advance about your exposures. Just do them without warning. A WS should never be forewarned. You want them to be surprised.

Did you give the OWH the video tape? He has a right to have that tape.

I would also DEMAND that your husband end all contact with the OW and find another job. Your marriage will never recover until ALL contact ends. If he wont do that, you need to ask him to leave.

"But my WH finally spoke to the OW's husband and he denied having an A with her. I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EARS"

Liars should be expected to lie. You don't need his admission to know truth, but be sure and give the OWH the tape so he knows your H and his skanky wife are lying liars. You need to support the OWH and work with him to kill this affair.

Amj, I see that you are separated so never mind asking him to leave! But you do need to give the OWH the tape and FINISH your exposures. Call all your H's family and friiends and tell them. Call his sister today!! Ask them all to call him to persuade them to leave this married woman alone.

Don't stop while you have them on the ropes.

Who said he was being violent--your husband?

Consider the source of that, please. Of course he said OW's H was violent...he wants you to back off.

As MelodyLane said, keep in touch with the husband. From what you've posted, you hit a nerve. Good job!

Keep the momentum up.

The OWH should also be told that these liars are calling him "violent." and if the OWH is violent, then lying to him is stupid. Lying will make him more violent. So get that tape to him ASAP! You are doing great!