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Amy,
The first thing your husband said was that he was sitting there with his wife
because
he wanted the OW to KNOW that everything he was about to say was not coming from him. He indicated to her by telling her you were there that he feels controlled by you. He was sending a message about his "poor pitiful situation". had 2 of these! H- i am not bad she is the big bad mommy whos putting me in the corner, its not my fault, swear, pinky swear".... pout pout. amy get your list together- call a poly guy with police,cia, decetive experience. it will be horrible but you will come out of it stronger and a better understanding of what you are dealing with. you are a strong woman, you have birthed 4 babies, take time in your own brain and think and plan what you are doing, do not be led by him. eat and sleep!
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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The OW exH said she had other affairs, so I don't think my H in particular is the cause of her divorce.
I just feel too tired and emotionally drained right now to know what to believe and what to do.
I'll let him try to answer these questions himself later tonight on his thread. Amy - he is likely the cause of her divorce, and his relationship with her has been ongoing all these years. You need to find out in the polygraph if he was planning on leaving your for her, and hence she left her husband. Her husband can say many affairs. That can mean many different things. I suspect Schlag is the main reason, and their relationship has been ongoing for a while. He is hightly addicted to her still, and he is very foggy when it comes to his feelings. He is throwing you under the bus. If he ever defogs he will be on his knees looking you square in the eye and telling you how much of a wh0re she is for sleeping with a married man. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} Tough
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Your H might have just been the straw that broke the camel's back for the OWH.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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The OW exH said she had other affairs, so I don't think my H in particular is the cause of her divorce.
I just feel too tired and emotionally drained right now to know what to believe and what to do.
I'll let him try to answer these questions himself later tonight on his thread. Amy, Please listen to what all these folks are telling you. There is wisdom in what they are saying. Get rest. You need your strength to deal with this.
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The OW exH had no idea about the affair with his exW and my H. He was totally shocked. He did say she had 3 other affairs that he suspected. When my H called him he almost didn't know who he was and my H had repeat his name and the OW exH said he hadn't heard his name in years. He really had no clue. When I asked him if she had other affairs he quickly said, "Oh yeah... at least 3 that I suspect". So, I honestly don't think my H had anything to do with it. She was sleeping around long before my H was in the picture.
ME: BW
Schlag: FWH or WH... who knows. 2 PA's, many EA's and other issues.
1st D-DAY and false recovery: 9/11/09
2nd D-DAY 10/15/11
D filed on 11/22/11.
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No, what I mean is--OWH might have been willing to work through it until he got wind of YET ANOTHER affair. It wasn't your H exactly, it was probably just the fact that he was the latest in a string of OMs for his wife.
At least, that's what it looks like to me.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I often tell BSs, "Eyes Always On The Prize" to fight temptations to go off-target like this. As long as OWxH has been informed of the A, whether or not WH was the proximate cause of that breakup is ONLY of import as a measure of WH's emotional/romantic intentions toward POSOW, as regards bailing on his current marriage. You are NEVER going to reliably get that information from analyzing the tea-leaves obtained by questioning OWxH, POSOW, or WH - until you get WH hooked up to a polygraph.
Right now that should be your prime focus of attention.
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How are you doing amy? We worry like mother hens when we don't hear from BS during hard times.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Eh....it's rough. Poly at 5:45pm. Will update afterwards. Please pray that he passes! I feel sick.
ME: BW
Schlag: FWH or WH... who knows. 2 PA's, many EA's and other issues.
1st D-DAY and false recovery: 9/11/09
2nd D-DAY 10/15/11
D filed on 11/22/11.
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I have been and told him be better this time.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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pls let us know what happened..... what questions you asked.....
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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I won't find out the results until the morning... AHHHHHHHHH!! She said she needed to score it and doesn't have time tonight since she has another appt. I might not sleep at all.
ME: BW
Schlag: FWH or WH... who knows. 2 PA's, many EA's and other issues.
1st D-DAY and false recovery: 9/11/09
2nd D-DAY 10/15/11
D filed on 11/22/11.
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I won't find out the results until the morning... AHHHHHHHHH!! She said she needed to score it and doesn't have time tonight since she has another appt. I might not sleep at all. hang in there Amy. One night won't change the world. Get some rest if you can.. CV
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He is worried that 2 of the 4 questions were really vague and too broad. I can't remember exactly how they were worded, but I can ask and write them down tomorrow. If he did fail those 2, I want to break them each down into more specific questions and then do it again. He said he was terrified of them (the 2 broad ones) in case he was not remembering something since these lies go back SO far. I guess I get that and we will dissect them down on another poly asap if needed. ughhhhhhhhhhhh.
ME: BW
Schlag: FWH or WH... who knows. 2 PA's, many EA's and other issues.
1st D-DAY and false recovery: 9/11/09
2nd D-DAY 10/15/11
D filed on 11/22/11.
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get the questions and come back, they are broad questions for a reason. it they were specifc you could leave things out.
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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He is worried that 2 of the 4 questions were really vague and too broad. I can't remember exactly how they were worded, but I can ask and write them down tomorrow. If he did fail those 2, I want to break them each down into more specific questions and then do it again. He said he was terrified of them (the 2 broad ones) in case he was not remembering something since these lies go back SO far. I guess I get that and we will dissect them down on another poly asap if needed. ughhhhhhhhhhhh. I suspect he lied and is preparing you for that eventuality. If he doesn't "remember" then he does not have awareness of deceit.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I agree. He already knows he didn't pass.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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I agree. He already knows he didn't pass. Big fat FAIL! And of course he is already spinning as fast as he can. His explanation for failing it is that he was "lying to himself." OH.MY.LORD.  Amy, I am sorry to say that you are not safe with this man. He is very manipulative and I seriously doubt that you will ever get the truth.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Oh Amy, I'm so sorry. I cant believe he failed them all even after asking you to change one so he would for sure pass it.
He is so used to telling the lies that he thinks they are the truth.
At least no you know the truth.... That is that you will never get the truth.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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He is worried that 2 of the 4 questions were really vague and too broad. I can't remember exactly how they were worded, but I can ask and write them down tomorrow. If he did fail those 2, I want to break them each down into more specific questions and then do it again. He said he was terrified of them (the 2 broad ones) in case he was not remembering something since these lies go back SO far. I guess I get that and we will dissect them down on another poly asap if needed. ughhhhhhhhhhhh. I have had many polygraphs done for my job. If you know you failed, then you are lying. There is no way to get around it. You know exactly what is happening before and during. God Bless Anna
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