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SS, they need to hear from you, the disgruntled husband. I would contact them directly and ask them to persuade their son to leave your wife alone.

Has she always been this way, having to leave the house to get work done? Or is this a new affliction?

I've never had to leave my home to get peace and quiet. I may have gone to my bedroom to read if the TV is on, or maybe I'll go into the computer room if there's a lot of activity in the house. But I've never had to go away for the weekend. Nor would I want to.

Due to his job, OM can not take a day off very easily. The only other thing I could think of would be if WW went to him. Short of stalking WW, is there anything I should be doing other than enjoying the weekend with my kids?

It is stalking to know where your wife is? I would expect this is a ploy to hook up with the OM this weekend. Your wife could just as easily shut the door and study at home. Ask her where she is going and tell her you will be verifying this. Otherwise you can presume she is going off to hook up with loserboy.


She meant he can cancel his meeting with his wife. And the OMW doesnt know when he works. He can tell her anything.

They are probably hooking up this weekend.

SS, you need to confront your wife about this. This is a bullcrap cover story so she can meet her OM.

Have you been monitoring her via spyware, keyloggers and GPS? Do you have a GPS on her car?

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Actually, I would be hiring a PI to follow her this weekend.

WW has the laptop admin locked. I tried installing a keylogger and need the admin password first. I really didn't think I needed a GPS tracker until now due to the distance between WW and OM. I have a phone recorder going but that is it right now.

What is the phone recorder on? Her cell phone?

Just the land line.

SS, I would be raising holy hell about this. Where is she going and how will you verify her whereabouts? You shouldn't tolerate her running off to see the OM and you need PROOF that isn't happening because her story about going off to "study" is bullcrap. She can "study" at home.

You don't help your marriage in any way by pretending to accept her excuses to carry on her affair. It just makes you look gullible at best and COMPLACENT at worst. Complacence reflects a LACK OF CARING.

Dr HArley would tell you to cause as much conflict as possible in the affair, SS. That is what you need to do. Raise hell about this plan to go off to "study" and expose the affair to the OM's parents and facebook friends. Don't sit there and roll over, my friend.

I just confirmed again with OMW that she will keep tabs on OM all weekend. I will say WW has done this sort of thing in the past when she has been brushing up on things for an exam or something. I agree it looks very fishy and I will need to figure out how to verify the legitimacy of this. I know where she will be going this weekend (or at least where she says she will be this weekend). I guess the kids and I will be going on a road trip to check up on mom.

I just learned from OMW that OM's family basically condones his actions or at least they see no problem. I have asked her to think about people in his life that may have an influence on him and to expose the A to them.

SS, assume that won't happen. Don't depend on OMW's promises - she has very limited control over her WH!

"Hi, BW. Sorry, I can't make it over to the house today. I've got to take a good friend to the doctor/another state/hunting lodge, etc."

THEN what's she going to do?

I am betting she has met up with him before using this ploy and would encourage you to go surprise her.


I would expose the affair to his parents and ask them to use their influence to persuade him to leave your wife alone. That is ok if they "condone" it, but it might be that they don't believe his wife and believe the OM's lies. They would believe you. You wouldn't believe how many gullible BS's will tell us somethjing like "oh, my WS told his parents and they think he should follow his heart!" when in truth, the WS told his parents a load of crap and they know nothing about the affair. At the worst, it would cause conflict in the affair and the OM would know you are not going to stand by and allow this to happen. Also, I seriously doubt all his facebook friends would condone it either.

If they already know, then there is no reason NOT to call them.

Keep in mind that her "tab keeping" has not prevented him from having an affair for a very long time. He has been carrying on an affair for a very long time right under her nose. Her effectiveness in this regard is very suspect.

Got home a bit early today from work. Things were not in a good place when I left for work this morning and I wanted to have a chance to chat with WW before she left for the weekend. Yeah, she's still real pissed. She wrote me a short note about how angry she feels that I exposed to her friends and family. She says that she has been trying to move forward in this process with trust and respect. I don't think I even need to comment on that last statement.

I explained to her that what I was doing was what I felt was best for her, me, us, and our family. I hoped that one day she would understand my motives. That I chose specific people in our lives to contact. I didn't just walk down the street ringing doorbells telling the world.

Like I said, she is heading out this weekend to get away from the house and to brush up on some things before she gets back to work. I wanted to assure myself that this was what she was doing so I went through her bag that was packed in the car. It all checked out. She did catch me snooping which wasn't good. That kind of fed the rage that she has inside her right now. I am wondering how much worse this is going to get. Trust is a major issue for us right now. She asked me why I can't take her word for what she says. I told her that I got burned real bad this summer when I did that and I was trying to protect myself. The whole "trust but verify" thing. I feel like I had to do these things to move forward but wonder if I made things worse in the long run.

One of her major beefs with how she has been living is that she has felt like she is being controlled. She sees me trying to break up the A as just that. Me trying to control her life. Again, I told her that I was trying to do what was best for our family and that we could not get to a place where we could negotiate unless that was gone.

Another issue that she has been complaining about is the whole lack of boundaries that she feels is going on in the house. Right now she sees this mistrust and snooping as an invasion of her privacy. My mistrust is reinforcing her decision to move out and get away from that problem.

She has said to me repeatedly that the problems we have aren't related to the A. That the A could end today and she would still want to leave.

This is tough. At least I have the kids all weekend.

Unfortunately, these are the words of someone who is very active in an affair. Your wife has no right to the privacy to destroy you behind your back. You have a RIGHT to know absolutely everything she does. And the reason she doesn't like you snooping? Because she has something to hide. People who have nothing to hide don't hide.

The affair is going strong, SS. I am sorry to say. That is why she wants to split up and that is why she objects to you snooping.

You should promise her that she can "trust" you to watch her like a hawk so she cannot carry on an affair behind your back.

And you need to go find her this weekend. She is hiding something and you have a right to find out what.

Dr Bill Harley, founder of Marriage Builders:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html

This is because she wants to distract you from her affair. No WS wants it said that a marriage ended over an affair. Her goal is to deflect the blame to you. CLASSIC behavior.

No marriage is perfect without problems shortsleeves but having an affair just adds poison and if the energy spent towards the affair partner was spent brainstorming how to build a great marriage....it would be more logical.
Affairs are not good solutions to marriage issues.