Forgive me for this, SS, but

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's a good one, coming from an adulterer! Yessiree, that's a knee-slapper, alright.

Silly waywards.

SS,

Take comfort in knowing that everything she said is straight out of the script. It is directly out of the wayward script and as predictable as the fact that there the sun will come out tomorrow.

I commend you on taking action.

There is no moving forward in this process and tell her that you haven't violated her privacy at all. You've violated her secrecy and there is a BIG difference.

Don't cower to her.

Don't beg.

Be James Bond. Be cool.

When she accuses you of being controlling, simply fog talk reverse her, "I wish I didn't have to snoop either."

When she says she can't trust you, "I wish I could trust you."

There's always the Plan FU, which usually involves something like, "Stop giving me sh*t about your privacy! You went out and fu**ed another man! Don't give me crap about anything! You have no right to and quit with the BS about respect and privacy. You've lost all rights to have any of those when you took your clothes off for someone else!"

But....others may disagree with saying that. I think it would be VERY powerful when delivered in a calm manner, like James Bond.

Do the people that are hiring her know about what she's doing and why she's seeking employment NOW....

Might be good information for them as just maybe someone there in human resources will be aware that waywards make terrible employees. They exploit company resources (computers, emails, cell phones, desk phones) to carry on their fantasy relationships. They call in sick, are unpredictable and just flighty. I'm surprised your wife had the ability to even follow through getting a job...but the affair has been going for most of this year.

Exposure is your only weapon. Keep doing it....and just tell her she can TRUST that you're not going to sit idly by and not fight for HER and your family. She can also "TRUST" that if and when there is a final divorce in your case...you won't be her friend. She can TRUST that you will model appropriate behavior to your children and teach them to avoid and distance themselves from people that abuse them.

See...you ARE trustworthy.

Mr. W

p.s. - IF you recover...she will THANK YOU for doing this and saving her from this huge mistake she's making. The only thing she MIGHT be mad about it....WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG. If you don't recover your marriage...well, it wasn't meant to be and you'll at least be on your way to personal recovery knowing you did the best you could for her and the kids.

So, I am ready to get to the next act in this script. What can I expect next?

I have confirmed with OMW that they are not with each other this weekend but they are emailing. No real surprise there. There is no cell service where WW is staying.

Do they have phones there? And how do you know they are emailing? Do you have the emails?

No, I have not exposed to HR. I thought about telling them or even her future supervisor about hints and decided against it. I thought that really fell under the career sabotage category. I did not think that was the best way to reclaim any sort of trust between us. I happen to work at the same facility and she knows full well that I can ruin her career at any moment if I wanted to. This was a case where I really felt that it was in the best interest of my kids for her to be employed there. For a number of reasons.

I really feel like this is unraveling very quickly. My hope for a positive outcome is definitely waning after the fallout from the last few days. I don't know that I have ever seen WW that angry. How long does it usually take for them to cool off after the affects of the exposure have been felt?

The next step in all of this is to have them go to no contact. Only until that is established will there be any real hope to save your marriage.

If exposure continues, then it's onto Plan B, which will mean writing a letter with your conditions for her to return and getting an intermediary (IM) who can filter any communications from her to you.

Since you have little ones, you may need to get a formal separation filed and have her pay you child support.

I advise you to consult a lawyer right now and get prepared. I'm not telling you to file. I'm telling you to be prepared.

Read up on Plan B. That's the next step.

No phones that I know of. Email seems to be their vehicle of choice for communication. OMW has some way of tracking his email. I think she must have his PW or something. She has been filling me in off and on tonight. I was able to get her to expose to OM mother and sister today. It sounded like they did not really believe what she was telling them or care forthat matter. I encouraged her to keep talking to them calmly. Maybe they would hear the message eventually.

SS, your marriage is in better shape today than it was last week. The reason your wife is furious is because inflicted damage on her affair. That is good, not bad. My concern is that it wasn't comprehensive enough to really kill the affair.


Didn't she give them evidence of the affair and ask to speak to her husband?

This is why you need to contact them yourself. This woman is very very timid and cannot seem to even expose an affair. As I said earlier, they may not believe her, but they would believe a husband calling.

This is one of the most critical exposures and it hasn't been done.

Is the OMW sharing these emails with you?

The hotel does not have phones?

WW is staying in a bunk house. There might be a pay phone but either way, they are communicating with each other.

I really don't think the A is dead either. Part of me wants them to just get it over with and start their relationship together. As stupid as that sounds, I really feel like if the two of them are dealing with each other in the real world instead of this fantasy world thay are in right now, they would soon realize how incompatible they are and how dumb an idea it was for them to think it would work. I don't really want it to ever get to that point but this gets frustrating and tiring.

It's not. You have evidence the affair is still on. Did the OMW share the emails with you? What are they saying?

SS,

Plan B serves two purposes: It protects you and helps you get your head on straight, and it forces OM to meet all of WW's ENs. That puts everything on the affair partner and really puts a lot of pressure on OM to leave his wife or go to WW.

Many OM don't jump at the chance.

There's no gurantees, since Plan B pushes the affair partners together to basically either burn out or carry on.

But it is meant to help you heal, primarily, and shield you from the abuse.

So you aren't totally far off in your assessment that the next step might be to let them have at it without you in the way (Plan B).

Read up on it.

SS,

Get the numbers from OMW and call his family. Get copies of emails, print them and offer them as proof to anyone who needs proof. His family may need proof.

Who have you exposed to?

OMW is translating the emails right now. I have asked her to save them or at least print them out. They may be needed later.

Can you ask her to just forward them to you? I'd like to see you in possession of those as opposed to having her save them.

Is OM foreign? Are they emailing in a foreign language? What do you mean, she is 'translating' the emails?

I am still unsure if OM will actually jump ship and leave his family to relocate here. After talking with OMW he really seems to be on the fence still. That may all be an act though.

Sorry about that. No not foreign. What I meant was OMW was giving me the highlights of what was being written in the emails. I haven't heard back yet whether she can save or print the emails.

SS,

Who knows about this relationship? It sounds like more exposure is needed.

Get a copy of the emails. Stop her access to the money.