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#2561035 11/05/11 12:21 AM
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I HAVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR 6 MONTHS.3 MONTHS AGO I FOUND OUT MY HUSBAND WHO WAS A TRUCK DRIVER WAS HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN EX. I FOUND OUT THE RELATIONSHIP CONSISTED OF PHONE CONVERSATIONS DAILY FOR HOURS AT A TIME OVER SEVERAL MONTHS, EVEN BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED, AND WHEN I WAS ADJUSTING TO THIS JOB AND WAS VERY LONELY. THEY DID MEET ONCE IN PERSON AND HE MEANT HER CHILDREN. THEY HAD SEVERAL SEXUALLY PHONE CALLS ANDEVEN HAD PLANS TO MEET AGAIN. MY HUSBAND TELLS ME HE ONLY WANTED A FREIENDSHIP WITH HER AND HE RELIZED THE SEX CALLS WERE BAD AND TOLD HER THEY COULDN'T TALK LIKE THAT ANYMORE.this ow was not a co worker lived states away and he totallypersuaded her. WE SEPERATED FOR ABOUT A MONTH I WAS COMPLETELY IN DESPAIR I HAD NO IDEA AND THOUGHT HE WAS SO COMMITTED TO ME. I BELIEVE IF THE 2ND MEETING WOULD HAVE HAPPENED HE WOULD HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER. MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN ON BOARD IN REPAIRING OUR NEW MARRIAGE HE HAS GONE TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING WITH ME HE HAS READ HER NEEDS HIS NEEDS. HOWEVER I STILL FEEL LOST EVEN THOUGH THINGS ARE GOING WELL. I SEE HIM AS A DIFFERENT PERSON NOW. I DONT HAVE THE FEELINGS I USED TO AND I CHECK EVERYTHING NOW HIS EMAIL, PHONE ETC.THE ONLY NEED HE HAD THAT WAS UNMET WAS ONE. HOW DO YOU GET PAST THIS WHEN YOU JUST GOT MARRIED? [size:17pt]I STILL THINK ABOUT HOW WEAK HE WAS AND DOUBT OFTEN THAT WE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO HAVE A GREAT FAITHFUL MARRIAGE?I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS HOPELESSNESS AND FEELING LIKE I WILL NEVER FEEL THE SAME ABOUT HIM AND OUR LOVE IS RUINED?[size:17pt][size:17pt] [size:17pt] [/size][/size][/size][/size

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TIFF

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Tiff,

So sorry you are here. You've come to a good place.

It's late and many of the Vets take the weekends off. Let me ask a few questions.

Ages, # of marriages, kids?, living conditions now, who knows about his affair?, what is the status of the affair?,

All this information will help the vets give you advice.

If you want to recover your marriage or move to divorce, the questions are the same....it the answers that change.

Keep posting.....others will be here tomorrow.


Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
Joined: Jan 2011
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Hi Tiff

Sorry you are here.

Married 6 months and he's cheating.....run away, run very fast and don't look back.

He will do this again, and again.....want to spend the next 10 years feeling like this??

I see little chance of him changing but if you want to follow the MB path then this is the best place to be.

Look after yourself and make time to do some nice things for you.


Me 50
WH 52
WH in A 6 yrs in total, last 5 yrs JGF (Not!)
DD final 1.12.10
NC letter sent 3.12.10

Working at being the best I can be, the rest is up to you.

He is still a plonker, but he is my plonker!
Tanam #2561048 11/05/11 07:23 AM
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Tiffanie, I'll make this short and sweet: RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

Your WH was deceiving you before the ring was on your hand.

And he's lying to you now. I'm quite certain there is much more to his story that he doesn't want you to know. If there were children in the marriage or more time invested, I would say to schedule a polygraph. But I wouldn't waste my money on that if I were you.

And your next relationship? Make sure it's with someone who doesn't travel for a living. Nights away from home are lethal to marriages.

I'm sorry, Tiff. Good luck in your next relationship.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Tiff,

Maritalbliss...... My thoughts exactly. I thought I would let her explain her ages and situation first, but the answer is RUN!!!


Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 10
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I HAVE ONE SON WHO'S 9 FROM MY PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. I WAS MARRIED WHEN I WAS 20 AND HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING, MY HUSBAND WAS 37 NEVER MARRIED NO CHILDREN. ONLY MY BEST FRIEND KNOWS NEITHER OF OUR FAMILY KNOWS. THE STATUS OF THE OW IS HE DELETED HER NUMBER, FACEBOOK. I CALLED HER AND TOLD HER TO STAY AWAY.

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Originally Posted by tiffanie
HOW DO YOU GET PAST THIS WHEN YOU JUST GOT MARRIED?

I'm not so sure you should. (sorry)
His behavior began before he took vows with you.
His behavior continued after he took vows with you.
He holds no reverence toward his vows. Zero.

My opinion is that you should file for an annulment.
Your marriage was never valid.
He married you under false pretenses.
This should frighten you. Why? Because what you discovered is probably only the tip of the ice burg.

Again, sorry.
You made a mistake.
The good news is that you do not have to live with it.
See an attorney.

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Originally Posted by tiffanie
ONLY MY BEST FRIEND KNOWS

If you take my advice and seek annulment, people will ask you "Why?".

You answer honestly.

"I discovered WH had another woman on the side before, during, and after we got married. Our marriage was invalid from the start."

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Get STD testing.

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((Tiff))

I have been married a year and a half. I can tell you that if my present dh did what my xwh did to me (cheat like mad), I would have ZERO problem divorcing him at all.

Please seek advice from an attorney to decide what way to go. If there is a chance he could steal monies or not give you a fair division of say checking accounts or anything like that, then file for divorce. But if you can get an annulment, get one.

This man is sadly, not marriage material. I am sorry you went thru this, but he was never there in the marriage or in the relationship to begin with. He is selfish and will most likely be (if he isn't already) a serial cheater.

Best wishes.


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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I have to agree with the others, Tiff. It is one thing to recover a marriage after infidelity when you've been together a long time and know your spouse to be a good man/woman somewhere inside their wayward selves. Totally different scenerio when you've just married and he's already cheating - and done so before you even said your vows!

Keep posting for whatever support you need - but give yourself a true break from this man while you can and look for someone with character and the capability of being a good husband.

((((((((TIFF))))))))


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1


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