How does she have his number? He needs to change it.

Is he not ready to admit to everything he's done to this man?? Spoken like a true coward. Did you ask him what he would have said to OM if you didn't know about the A and couldn't be there for WH to hide behind you? I would suggest that you be ready to go to Plan B. He will be spending the weekend with her. Get your plan together while he's gone off with her.

The OW and your H are busy gaslighting the OWH and doing damage control right now. They still believe they can get away with hiding the affair while they take it further underground.

SG, please get in touch with the OWH and tell him all about this. Tell him the affair is still on and that your H is blackmailing you into lying to him.

Tonight, email an exposure letter to the Director of Human Resources, a key VP and both their supervisors. The only way this is going to end is if your husband leaves that job anyway. This will give him the impetus to get out of there.

After you do that I would send him a Plan B letter and shut this down. He is not remotely serious about recovering your marriage and is playing some very dangerous head games with you to protect his affair. I am actually worried about your safety.

Maritalbliss,

He hasn't changed his work number. I don't even know if it is an option, I'm sure it is but I just thought of it yesterday then all this happened.

No he does not want to own up to everything he did to the OWH. Yes, he's a coward b/c he's scarred he's gonna get his [censored] kicked. I wish he would he needs it.

I am afraid of this very thing for this weekend. Thinking of putting a freeze on our accounts for this weekend. Then he has no money.

And I contacted a lawyer for a cease and desist letter for harassment to send to her. If not done then legal action will ensue.

SG, it is time to go into Plan B before he drives you crazy with his affair. He clearly does not have any intention of ending his affair. He wants you to cover it up to the OWH so he can continue. Dr Harley recommends only 3 to 4 WEEKS for Plan A and you are way, way past that. Your husband is not serious about anything other than protecting his affair. He is dangerous to you.

I just wrote my Plan B letter. It's kinda long. Should I post it here for advice?

Go ahead.

Dear WH,

This letter is very difficult to write. I have been thinking about it for some time now. I have written this letter with true love that only a wife can have for her husband. Please read every word I have written, for it is from my heart.
I would like to acknowledge and apologize for the demise of our marriage. I neglected your needs, and failed to give you what you needed. I�m sure that helped create a voice in our marriage that allowed for your affair to happen. I have said this many times and I mean it deeply. I want to do whatever I can to help put our marriage back together in a more satisfying way. I feel that I have learned to be more attentive to your needs. I want you to be proud to call me your wife, just as I have been proud to call you my husband. I want to put the past behind us and build a better future together, as a family with our precious son.
The past three months have been extremely hard on me, emotionally and physically. We seemed to start putting things back together in the beginning only to stumble and fall again. I still feel hurt and pain when I don�t know where you are or who you are with. We have seemed to misplaced our trust, honesty, and respect. But God has given me renewed strength everyday. I can honestly say that I have really learned what it means to pray through this situation. I have been praying for you, me, our son, and our marriage since May. I know the prayers are working, I can see them at work. I do see how our arguing is draining the love I have for you. Until you can truthfully and honestly return home and work on rebuilding our marriage, I will have no communication with you, expect regarding our son, and I will avoid seeing you. This is not a punishment for you, this is to save the love I hold dear for you. If we were to continue on as we have been there would be nothing left.
I please ask that you respect my decision to separate this way. If you need to setup times and dates to see our son please contact
I will be seeking counseling for myself to help me get over the hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment. I know that to have any chance for our future marriage that I cannot harbor any of those feelings towards you.
I want us to be a team, and restore our marriage together. I want you to know that no matter how bad the past was or how ugly, we can get past it. For with God all things are possible. Look inside yourself and find the strength we will need to do this.
I want to grow old with you. I want to be that cute old couple holding hands walking down the street or in the mall. I want to see our great-grandchildren together. I have loved you for 10 years and that love has not stopped. I know that as we rebuild our marriage that that love will continue to grow and mature. When you find that you are ready and willing to truly and fully commit to our family, willing to work on a plan of recovery, and go to counseling, I will be ready and willing to talk about our future.
1 Corinthians 10:13 �No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.�

With all my love your wife,

SG, this is really good; I took out the references to God, removed the sentence about contacting you about son, added info about visitation, intermediary, and finances. I would ask someone TONIGHT to agree to be an intermediary. And make arrangements with someone to facilitate visitations. AT THEIR HOUSE. You can't be in plan b and be in contact with your husband about anything. That will defeat the purpose and he will exploit that opening.

Secondly, I took out all the parts mentioning God, because he is CUT OFF from God and that sounds like a religious lecture.

Intermediary should be a person who will commit to remaining NEUTRAL and who will agree to act as a spam filter. That means they ONLY pass on information that is PERTINENT and is about finances and visitiation. NO fogbabble rants and ravings. She has to protect you from that.

Do you have someone who will do that?

And how can you arrange visitation? You want to get it set up on a regular routine so there is as little contact as possible about that. Do you have someone who could facilitate that? You could drop the child off 30 minutes before hand and then pick him up after your H drops him off.

Your IM needs to be someone who has some BALLS because your husband will go NUTS when you cut him off. She has to be able to withstand that. He will first go crazy and then probably REFUSE to use her as an IM.

He will test you to see if you are serious about no contact. And he will make several false overtures at first to see if he can get you to relax your standards so he can keep both you and the OW on the farm.

She has to weather all that until he complies. An IM is the easiest job in the world once she gets past the tantrum and manages the information correctly..

can I email this letter to him? I don't have another way to get it to him.

I have someone in mind for the IM. But for the visitation does that have to be the same person? Could I ask my sister for that? Or is that to close? B/c I could have that at my sisters house and my son is use to their house.

Your sister would be perfect! It doesn't have to be the same person. Will your sister agree to not pass on any messages from him to you? Becasue I don't want him to use her to get his fogbabble through to you.

And yes, you can email that letter to him.

Did you see what I said about exposing at the workplace and calling the OWH again?

Also, when you send him the letter, he will try like hell to get through to you. He will call, email, text, barge in the house. He will be testing you to see if oyu mean it. And it is critical that you don't let him through. Don't answer his calls, don't read his texts or emails, don't listen to his voicemails. NOTHING. The second he gets a response from you is when he knows you don't mean it.

He will not like losing control of you and will fight this at first. Are you ready for that? And if your IM needs help at first, I will be happy to help her. Have her email me at ohmelodylane@aol.com.

Smart girl. Except you don't want to do it just for the weekend - you want to do it indefinitely. Waywards have been known to annihilate the family funds in order to further their affair.

Remove all but about $50 from your checking and savings accounts. Open a new account with what you remove, with only your name on it. (Do this at a different bank.)

Cancel any credit cards you can. If you can't cancel them, ask your card issuer to set the credit limit at whatever their balances are right now.

Move your retirement funds if he is able to withdraw from them.

Hide any checks for any lines of credit you have on your property.

Follow everything that MelodyLane has suggested.

Also, when you get your IM, I would be willing to help them at first.

You can use your sister as drop off, and pick up just make sure that she understands that you want ZERO info about your WH.

You don't want to know what he said, what he did, what he was wearing, what he looked like, NADA.

To add to this, you can call your card issuer and remove him from the account if you are the primary. It only takes a minute.

If you have a joint card where he is the primary, just report the card lost or stolen if you have to. That should freeze it for a little while, at least.

And above all, PLEASE PLEASE expose this to the workplace and let the OWH know what's going on--particularly about this weekend.

Hope your day went ok, SG, and that you got some things done.

Update us when you can.

SG, I know this is all very difficult. I just want to tell you that you are in the best hands you can be in, given your situation. You are very wise to heed the counsel you've been given here. You are doing GREAT!

It's been a crazy month and I feel as if all hope is gone. WH started talking to her again on December 5th. He went 2 weeks without talking to her. He came to me and told me he wants to "work on himself". Whatever that means. So I am going to counseling alone. He doesn't want to work on the marriage while he "figures himself out". I think that's bullsh*t really. He still calls to "check in" is what he calls it. I don't call him, only if he has asked me to call him or I have a question about our son. We are doing the every other weekend and one night a week with our son. I gave him a deadline about him needing to let me know if he has any desire for us to work on our marriage and stay together. That deadline is tomorrow. I told him that if he wants our marriage to work then 2012 we will start fresh. If not then I am going to start this year on my own. I have spoken to an attorney and have followed her advice on getting things ready in case he files or something. He went through the house when I wasn't here and found my receipt, which was hidden in a clothes drawer inside something else, so he now knows I saw an attorney. Oh well, I hope that gives him some perspective that I'm not just sitting here waiting on him. At this point, I don't really know if I want to work on the marriage anymore. He is very passive/aggressive with a lot of things. He will have to make some serious changes for me to even consider taking him back at this point. I need some advice. Thanks.