three migraines within a week I've had.
So my body might be telling me it's not happy with what my mind is telling it. I am telling myself I am at peace which ever way this goes and that I can be okay with M or D.

But cognitive dissonance is going on.

Yes, I feel much better than I did, and yes, I know I would be all right if the M ended. But no, I am not at peace. I want resolution. The precariousness is a strain and a stress.

We started to talk about this in marriage counseling at the end of last session. She shared that she has recently started to feel bad because she realizes that she has had "apathy". And others recognize it. (Dad, brother, friends) And she told our MC that she admits her husband has done well on the goals he set out to work on with for himself with our MC one year ago but she has not done well on her goals. It was tough for her to admit.

I have to keep on taking care of myself. Exercise, fathering, eating well, having laughs.

I cut loose last night with friends from work. They said it was cool to see me laughing so hard and having a fun personality. But I am disappointed in myself because I drank too much. A few too many, and I was in bad shape last night and this morning. Way overdid it. But my work friends report that fortunately they saw no damaging behavior. I was lucky. Better to go out and have some laughs next time without drinks.

...sooooo, what's she wanting to do then?

As for the headaches (the non-booze-induced ones ), are you taking one type of medicine (Advil, etc.) all the time? Could be a rebound headache, try switching to naproxen (aleve).

sumatriptan when the spots start to blur my vision at the migrain onset. Might help a little. Been trying that for a couple years. Previously, never had any migrain meds. I started getting them when I was 16.

Also, I think regular chirpractor helps. I started that about ten years ago and they've been a lot better.

But after a release of stress they come on within a couple days.

I use Tylenol and Advil and aspirin. Switch them up.

She wants to keep working on the marriage. She is not one to take action. But, there are a lot of better relationship behaviors between us and fewer LBs. There is real work.

My situation is almost same as you, my WH's reaction is also as your WW, even worse, just tell me he fall out of love with me 1 year, 2 year, now is 4 year. I didn't see plan A working right now, I'll focus your post, see what I should do & what could happen.

By the way, is there anyone think it could be middle life crises, but WH deny it's MLC.

MLC is part of it for sure. Notice how many forty-something spouses are around here?

I read this, it said MLC has 6 stage, it takes long time, I think my WH exactly match it, how about you WW, if so, do you think you need reconsider your plan.

Actually, I'm lost & don't know what should I do next, so I just search a lot potential at internet.

*edit*

Sorry, stretch, but I'm not buying. To me, "MLC" implies that it isn't the wayward's fault, that it's just the result of some cosmic anomaly and the natural result of sh*t just magically happening.

I sometimes wonder if the term MLC was just invented by those wanting to not feel helpless about what their dumbshart wayward spouses were doing.

I'm stepping off my soapbox, carry on!

Of course, it's WS's fault, but MLC affair is different with the most affair we talked here, it's more conflict, that's why most MLC affair ends divorce. I just learned this week.

I was surprised even my WH couldn't feel guilt, not like most WS act here, he is totally a stranger to me now, but all he did is so match to MLC, so I doubt if we should consider different way to face it.

Is there any post here dealing with MLC affair?

He probably doesn't feel guilty because there has been no consequence to his (on-going?) affair with the language teacher. It appears that he's just been allowed to wallow in his self-pity and woe-is-me mopey banter. He's a grown man, not a child, and (in my opinion) should be told to make a decision about what he's going to do.

It's your marriage, too. Don't you get a say in what behavior you will and will not accept from your spouse?


And, to the contrary, many WS's here are so full of venom that guilt takes some time to show up. Their warped minds believe that YOU are the one to blame for their unhappiness--often because you dared to get upset with them screwing around on you.

Don't spend too much energy trying to figure them out. Guilt or remorse may come later, but your WH is too foggy at the moment.

I would hesitate to presume that your WH is any different than the run-of-the-mill wayward spouse that others tell about here.

I posted a response on your thread so that we don't distract from stretch's thread. In it I suggested you get a keylogger and spyware on his cellphone so that you could see just what you are dealing with.

Take care.

Sorry, stretch, for the hijack!

I've never bought into the MLC myth. We've had too many people of too many ages on this site to put much stock in it. Affairs are pretty standard regardless of age, although certainly many posters believe the circumstances of their own affair situation is 'special.'

Screw it, I'll hop back on my box while stretch isn't watching.

Here's an article from that site...

*edit*
I actually pity the poor guy that was so lacking in self-esteem that he would be "friends" with someone that treated him like that. They report that the marriage recovered, so maybe the ends justified the means, but who am I to say.

Off box again...

I was asked one time, if I was upset because I was in a MLC

Thought about it,and said,"What is different about the crisis I face every day?"

Nothing is gauranteed, and nothing stays the same

I can understand that when someone is going through emotional times of reflection that if done alone, it could be called a MLC that causes an affair

But we are not supposed to be doing this stuff alone are we?

I still think that when we share our lives, we go through things together, as objective partners, as friends, as someone who cares for the other in a commitment that means, we love them no matter how much they don't love themselves

Mutually of course

Yeah I Agree, many things that are not supposed to be a crisis, are built up and ignored, and all of a sudden, we act surprised when they come upon us, and we cam call them Midlife, if we want

But I seem to remember when we loved each other and swore to until death do us part. We were ready to endure crisis then, why not now?

Just a question, why does this change? Or do we take each other for granted and become familiar? The word familiar has it's roots in family

Yeah it has to with endurance and commitment, and honoring them also, even to your own hurt

Crisis? Alfred E Neuman comes to mind,"What, me worry?"

Dr. Helen Kubler-Ross is probably turning in her grave at the theft of her writings, because your original post is referencing a person from another site who claims to have authored these 'six stages' of a MLC.

In reality, Dr. Kubler-Ross, who worked with terminally ill patients in the 60's, established the Five Stages of Grief to describe the journey of these patients. She also said that these five stages could be applied to many significant life events, such as death of a loved one, major rejection, divorce, incarceration, etc. The other poster threw in one extra element to make it look original. It's still been lifted from Kubler-Ross's works. And doesn't do one more thing to convince me that there is anything to the notion of a 'mid-life crisis.'

I'm not sure what you read, but Dr. Harley's practice as a marriage counselor and psychologist for decades leads him to conclude that this isn't really the case. Posters who have been here for years can also generally look at affairs and immediately identify common elements.

What would you say identifies a "mid-life crisis" affair? How can you tell it is different from another affair?

heart2, there are lots of people who dispense their own personal opinions about marriage and affairs, but Dr. Harley has actually been studying this stuff scientifically for decades.

Me, either.

If you screwed up, do something to fix it but don't throw your hands up and say it ain't my fault, it's that mean-ole midlife crisis rearing it's ugly head at me!

Makes me want to cuss and I don't want stretch's thread censored

Here's something that really burns me: posters like heart2 go onto websites for help and end up being distracted by things that hacks piece together and try to pass off as some great epiphany. I saw the link she referenced before it was edited, and I wasn't surprised to see the site. Sigh.

Again, heart, that Great Epiphany from that other site was not originally intended by the original author of the work to apply to the notion of a mid-life crisis.

ITA MB. And the "symptoms" of MLC and an affair are way to similar for it to be anything other than affairs. And how would one explain the rise in women committing adultery? Since MLC is usally a "male thing."

Affairs change the WS and that is what is seen. Has nothing to do with MLC. IMHO

Here's her thread, I'm sure she'd appreciate some input:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=164878&Number=2557447#Post2557447

Poor stretch is going to see that he has all of these replies and wonder what's going on with his thread. AndyM and Reynolds used to be the ones that started these threadjacks.

Hmmm. I can't link to her thread with that, North. No biggie - I'll track her down