Hilarious

Oh , hi stretch

Hello.

The chapters of the MLC from that link are brilliant. I have seen them all in real life. Tempted to show this to my wayward wife. She wouldn't take it so well.

It would run against my:"slow down and take foot off the gas and watch her make realizations herself" mantra.

Like I think I told the group several pages back on this thread before the welcome joviality, levity and thread jacks, my wife discovered and admitted in MC the other day that she hasn't tried to fix this. That other family has seen that in her and pointed it out (finally... family exposure help.... link in the chain) That I have done well working on the goals I made for myself with our counselor a year ago, and she has not been trying. Avoiding. Escaping.

She admits it.

Someday she will look at that MLC chapters joke thread and be able say, "Oh brother. I was all that foolishness."

Right now, there is still some sort of thread of dignity and righteousness that must be held onto. Some kind of Madison County, "we women all go through this, I am not all that bad, there is an explanation that makes sense" sort of nonsense that actually gets a lot of traction in media, with friends, with incompetant professionals.

Its a waste of energy to keep clinging to these fictions all to avoid feeling bad. I believe they will keep breaking down until she has the strength enough, is healthy enough, is emotionally secure enough to judge herself, like herself, forgive herself and move on with a better life and way of being for herself and her family.

Is she still writing that book?

Yes. It's her career now. She wants to be a writer. She is. I support that and know that it may take years to make money. All expenses are tax write offs for three years.

The book is done, revised, submitted and rejected multiple times. I won't read it. She changed a lot, I know. And made the husband much worse than I. And somewhere it stopped being her outlet therapy and became fiction. But also, she admits, it can be picking a scab. Time to put it on a shelf and work on the new stuff.

It was just your reception of the book that rubbed me the wrong way and still does.

Really, man, how many times do you hear of the WS writing a book (no matter how loosely-based) about her affair, albeit with names changed to protect the innocent and guilty.

If her writing it hurt you, she should not have written it.

Pretty simple, really. So she says it could be like "picking a scab." I'm assuming that refers to how the book makes her feel, right? What about how it makes/made you feel? Or does she offer no comment? If she does comment, is it only to criticize you for getting upset about the book?

That book


Boo

Put it another way...

Say you are a POS and molest your child. For some reason, your wife stays with you because you say you're sorry. You then write a book of fiction describing the life of a child molester, loosely based on your actions.

How do you think that would fly?

I am not direct enough. I agree.

The book has pissed me off. I was right to be upset about it. Still am.

"Put it on a shelf now. Write something new." That may not be far enough to express my true feelings.

"I don't care to read it because the first draft was filled with weak willed, pity the poor spoiled women who wants to escape her life... bunch of justifications... and an ending where the betrayed husband finally realizes it's all his fault.... I can't imagine it has changed much, or nearly enough to make me interested in her "fictional" protagonist character. Better I don't read it... better you put it on a shelf... better to start with a new character that agents and editors want to cheer for and respect right from the first page. Not one where she gets continual negative feedback."

That second statement more accurately describes my feelings. I won't go that far and blow it up.

Maybe something like, "Aren't you tired of getting feedback from agents, editors and critique partners that tells you they don't like your main character? Don't feel sorry for her? Don't see at all why she felt justified running into an affair? Aren't you tired of hearing that? Time to write something else now. This book has been hurtful to me, and I am rightly upset. You need to let it rest. "

Stretch, leave the book alone. Make it a non-topic in your life.

MB, thx. Both you and NG offer that advice.

But if it's a daily/weekly topic and a trigger for stretch, shouldn't she knock it off?

Or are you thinking that if she doesn't give a flip now, she especially won't if he pushes it?

MB, thx. Both you and NG offer that advice.

Great minds......

Let the agents, etc keep turning her down. Let THEM be the bad guys about the book.

I understand how you feel disrespected by it. I agree, let it go.

Aside from Stretch getting triggered to death by the book, isn't his wife also triggering herself? What if they were emails from OM? Should she be editing, reading and talking to other people about them constantly?

Isn't one of the tenants here that you talk about the affair and then never again? Isn't every mention a withdrawl?

I understand meet her needs, support her, chase her - but at what cost to both of them?

She says she feels that it has changed enough such that its fiction now. No trigger for her, no backward withdrawal. "Its someone elses story."

I have to be the judge of that. I am not completely certain.

Is this book the reason her fog refuses to lift? How can you state it doesn't trigger her?

Adultery is fantasy and her book is fantasy. Is she proping up her fog and fantasy more by having that book consume her psychie?

Her fog and her depression have stayed for a very long time. How can this not be a trigger? When one is a writer, constant plots and scenes run through the mind. I know I had to write for a living. I would think about what needed to be written during work, off work hours, driving, showering, and just watching TV. I would think about what I was writing and how I needed to change things.

Stretch, if you aren't sure I think you have your answer.

Question is, does she know that? And what will she do? She had her shot...time for a new book.

Sure it's a trigger and she knows it. There's no way she'd admit that it was a trigger, though, because then it would be admitting that she's wrong. She cannot back down without being honest with you and herself. And, from your posts, she doesn't seem too inclined to do much in that regard.

And, yes, you're the judge on whether it's a trigger for you or not. It's all in the beholder, and it's not up to her to decide.

Stretch, look, if this woman TRULY cared about you and your marriage, this wouldn't even be an argument. Unless, of course, you haven't clearly spelled out what your thoughts are on this book.

And if it doesn't bother you, then, ok, no big deal and go on with life.

Isn't one of the tenants here that you talk about the affair and then never again?

TENANT:
a : one who holds or possesses real estate or sometimes personal property (as a security) by any kind of right
b : one who has the occupation or temporary possession of lands or tenements of another; specifically : one who rents or leases (as a house) from a landlord

TENET:
a principle, belief, or doctrine generally held to be true; especially : one held in common by members of an organization, movement, or profession

....at least down here, south of the 49th parallel!