Sorry, bud, but I think we require a valid passport before we let you folks in.

We don't want y'all buying up all of our "maple" syrup and snagging all of our $99 TV sets!

...nobody gets peppersprayed at the local Canadian Walmart. Of course you can't get a firearm there to defend yourself either. Nor can you hoist a cold beer in aisle three after you found a 99 dollar tv.

Very true! And you folks have the presumption to call yourselves "civilized"?

Actually considering that 'Thanksgiving' had been an annual celebration started 200 years previously before we started the tradition in America

And considering that the food we eat at Thanksgiving now is not what they ate when the tradition started

And considering that the food we eat at Thanksgiving wasn't even what they ate at the first Thanksgivings that the Pilgrims started

Really the only thing in common is that we eat a huge meal. of course that's not much different than what most Americans do every day.

And, Dear God, please don't tell me whoever called an American a 'Yank' or Yankee wasn't someone from the South. Southerners take offense to being called Yankees.

Happy late/early Thanksgiving y'all!

My marriage is a rollercoaster


One heckuva crazy week. I should tell y'all about it later.

Big highs and big lows.

Dear God, please don't tell me whoever called an American a 'Yank' or Yankee wasn't someone from the South. Southerners take offense to being called Yankees.

Sorry, KT, I was overly generic in using the term. In the future when referencing the US populace, I'll refer to "Yanks and Goobers" to be specifically inclusive of the southern-dwelling citizens. Better?

I prefer the term "carpetbaggers" or "yankee DEVILS." harumf....... "Yanks" indeedy...

At counseling last Monday, I heard: "My heart is closed. I want to make it through Dec and then begin Divorce process in January. I cannot be convinced."

Turmoil all week. For me, I started to imagine how the heck I was going to remove myself from her life... protect my heart which is still in love.... stop giving her anything. I clearly still fulfill a lot of needs for her while I receive almost zero.

Wed night I cried until 5AM and slept on the couch.

Thursday I said to her through tears, "I just want to make it through the day." It was difficult to have her family over for Thanksgiving. Lots of love and happiness in the home. She was marvelous all day. Sweet and fun. Nice and loving to me. Wanted to give me hugs-- endless compliments. She wants to take care of me. I threw up that night. Not just from sweets, wine, coffee, rich food. It was also emotions I am sure. We shopped at midnight. She was lovely and wonderful. "You are a great guy. This is fun with you. Held my hand. I love you."

I continued to do a tough workout every day.

Friday, I decided, I am not going to go total separation of myself. She did say, "I am still open. If something turns my heart around..." Fine, I am done with sadness and crying. I am going to stay strong through January like we said. I will show her through actions and that's what she will see. She did give me a reason for hope. She shows me all this love signs. And caring signs. We had very passionate SF Friday night.

Saturday and Sunday. Great weekend. Great days. Really enjoyed my kids. She is beautiful and happy and loving. We don't fight. Her words are kind. We solve dilemas together. She talks about a "new holiday traditon" to start. She thanks me. Hugs me.

Monday (today) - I tell her, "I am confused by the mixed signals. Its been a roller coaster week. You show so much love. It feels so good. I believe there is a chance. I will stay strong this month with actions."

She says, "I am sorry to confuse you. I do want to take care of you. That's something I need to let go of. My heart has left. It won't come back." To our counselor today: "I do want a divorce. I feel like a failure. I feel responsible for taking care of everyone: husband, kids, friends and family. What about taking care of me? I need to do this divorce for me."

She goes on: "I am sorry for the mixed signals. I am still positive. I really want this divorce. My heart is closed."

Me: "I really want to stay together."

Counselor does the "Did you hear him? Did you hear her? Repeat what the other said..." etc.

Just a few minutes after counselling, she was making small talk. About her car battery. I said, "That's the type of talk I can't take. Even small talk. Its painful. I will help you... you will ask a question... then someone will make a compliment.... show some care for the other... we might laugh... I will enjoy your smile... It's just too painful for me. I am in love with you and I am rejected."

She talked in counselling about how she imagine our divorce will be friendly and caring and we'll spend time together... She doesn't see a way back into the relationship.


So, my DJ is, she is actually still confused. She "thinks that maybe" a divorce is what she needs to "be free" and "grow". She is too afraid to try devoted, intimate deep love with me. To have me on the journey with her. I also think (DJ) she has no good advisors. No one knows how to help find love and repair a heart. Divorce is the easy way out. All her friends are getting divorced. Everyone in her family. They all know "HOW" to do it.

Stretch, have you made it clear to her that you will not be participating in a 'friendly' divorce? That you have no intention of being 'friends' with her?

HEr plan is: We will go through with this Divorce starting in January.

My plan is: Be as wonderful as I can. Have an awesome December. Pretend to myself its real. Have appointments just for myself with Dr H. Hopefully she suddenly says to herself: "OMG! I have to try one more time. Try harder. I am not really ready to give up. I don't want to lose Stretch..."

If not, if she never chooses recovery, I will not hang around for fun chats, tender moments, laughs, shared events. I need to protect my heart. I will move on 100pct. She loses all of me. I will find someone new. Excellence awaits on either path.

Yes. It will be all about and only about the kids.

This is a big problem here. You need to make it VERY clear that fantasy is just not going to happen. You need to make it clear that D means permanent Plan B, with parallel parenting, that you will NOT be friends, that you will NOT be inviting her over, or be receptive to her invitations, and you WILL be moving on. Did you do so at the counseling session?

Does she know this? Does she know that you will not be friends with her if she chooses divorce?

Ok then, Stretch.

Give her the picture of what divorce will be in January.


Go pitch-black Plan B.


Let her file.

Start writing that PB letter, bud.


It's time for Stretch to pull the rug out.


She should move out.

She's being nice to soften you up. She wants you to see how wonderful it will be AFTER the divorce...that you can continue to have holidays together and maybe even a post divorce roll in the hay.

Am I the only one here who thinks you should let her go? You've fought hard for a long time. She reminds me of short sleeves' WW...so entitled and addicted to the fantasy of her new life. I'd prepare to go plan b and cut her loose.

I understand depression and how it can distort things but your WW is putting you through the wringer. Maybe she needs to go off by herself so she can find out what she's so desperate to discover. That life without a loving and supportive mate and and intact family SUCKS.

Stretch has chosen to stay with his WW until she decides what they should do.

I'm not saying I agree with that...

And look what happened to the Nazi in the Indiana Jones movie from not choosing wisely.

WW is playing him perfectly to get her ends.

Keep family intact for the holidays so WW does not have to hear how she is throwing the family away.

Sell her BH the brookyn bridge and that life will still be fun with WW after the divorce. Which experience has shown is only done to get the BH to roll over and be a door mat so WW gets out of Dodge City with all that she can grab, CS, SS, etc.

Time is to man up go plan B tonight. Use an IM. Neutral drop off of kids. Have WW bags packed and outside the door before she comes home with the plan B letter attached.

Need to show WW now what it is going to be like without her BH before the divorce.

Stretch, let me show you what my ww wrote to me friday morning:
""It took me a couple years to admit but i left this marriage then. I want to get my own place. I'm afraid our friendship will be ruined if we live together and neither of us want that. We need to put our focus on her children. I need to take my stuff to my counselor and you need to take your stuff to your counselor. And WE need to focus on our children because they really need us right now." She gave me that Friday morning, after she refused my continual demands to end facebook contact with om.

I wrote an immediate Plan B letter and left the house that afternoon. I sent a copy of the letter to the om and his wife on facebook.

Within 3 hours, she had reversed her long-standing stance against marriage counseling and agreed to it. She also agreed to stop seeing om (he broke it off after his wife got my letter and she is now depressed).

I did plan B because I had nothing to lose. And it was very liberating. But who knows where my marriage will be tomorrow, or tonight or in a week?

I would encourage you to pray and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. I run marathons, I havent since the affair but I'm going to get back into it. We have to TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES if our spouses go crazy.

I hope you have a peaceful night

Why bother typing when ManInMotion said what I wanted to say?

Your wife MUST be made aware of the above!

Stretch, you gotta do this.