Stretch, let me show you what my ww wrote to me friday morning:
""It took me a couple years to admit but i left this marriage then. I want to get my own place. I'm afraid our friendship will be ruined if we live together and neither of us want that. We need to put our focus on her children. I need to take my stuff to my counselor and you need to take your stuff thyo your counselor. And WE need to focus on our children because they really need us right now." She gave me that Friday morning, after she refused my continual demands to end facebook contact with om.

I wrote an immediate Plan B letter and left the house that afternoon. I sent a copy of the letter to the om and his wife on facebook.

Within 3 hours, she had reversed her long-standing stance against marriage counseling and agreed to it. She also agreed to stop seeing om (he broke it off after his wife got my letter and she is now depressed).

I did plan B because I had nothing to lose. And it was very liberating. But who knows where my marriage will be tomorrow, or tonight or in a week?

I would encourage you to pray and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. I run marathons, I havent since the affair but I'm going to get back into it. We have to TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES if our spouses go crazy.
I hope you have a peaceful night

Forest, please stick around. Good to have a plan B partner

In my sitch there is no ongoing affair. I killed the EA. I like everything else about the Plan B letters in the link. These are very good separation terms letters.

Plan B is for the betrayed spouse to avoid all contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has completely ended and the wayward spouse has agreed to my plan for recovery. In many cases, once an affair has ended, a betrayed spouse makes the mistake of taking the wayward spouse back before an agreement is made regarding marital recovery. This leads to a return to all the conditions that made the affair possible -- love is not restored, resentment is not overcome, and there is a very great risk for another affair. Without agreement and subsequent implementation of a plan for recovery, the betrayed spouse is better off continuing with plan B.

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While I have seen remarkable success by people using plan A and plan B, success is by no means guaranteed. The problem with Plan B is that the unfaithful spouse may not return, nor agree to the plan for recovery, even after the affair has ended. Separation in marriage is always risky because, "out of sight, out of mind." Unless plan A leaves the wayward s spouse with the impression that returning home is an attractive choice, separation can become permanent. So before implementing plan B, you want to be sure that the last thing your spouse remembers about you is the care and thoughtfulness you offered in plan A. That way, the separation can help create, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

But what about marital separation when an affair is not the issue. In general, I recommend separation when at least one spouse cannot control destructive behavior. An ongoing affair, of course, is one of those situations. Hence, plan B. But other situations such as physical and verbal abuse, where one spouse's mental or physical safety is as risk, are also grounds for separation. As in the case of infidelity, if one spouse is abusive, I often recommend plan A first, where, through negotiation (without anger, disrespect or demands), an attempt is made to overcome the abuse without separating.