NW - I do feel better. A good plan. Will make us both feel better.
NG - Don't break your arm.

NG - Don't break your arm.

No chance of that. I know I need both to wrestle other more...recalcitrant...posters into line!

To you, Stretch: E-A-O-T-P

Hoooboy. We'll never hear the end of this...

Stretch, what does he think you should do if she shuts down the idea of talking to him?

There is an article on the site called "when to call it quits".

I got the same primer advice from Steve to get my wife moving. If it doesn't go your way, maybe you want to ask Steve down the line about that article.

Ahh. Been awhile since I heard that. Meanwhile I had forgotten "A" for "Always"

Just take a step back. Try later. I don't expect an immediate yes. Step by step.

As I wrote above: First step: just put the idea out there that: "Mrs Stretch's ideal scenario is being truly and deeply in love with the man who is father to her four children. Wouldn't we agree that's the ideal situation for happiness?" "What does she think about that idea?"

Next: Suggest the idea that someone out there, (pretty smart, experienced, professional, an expert) believes in that possibility. ( I believe it too FWIW... but I am not a third party) Just suggest that someone out there believes it is absolutely possible to have happiness in that way. Worth looking into it?

It may take a few days. I can wait. Patience. A little nudge at a time. Don't use all of the suggestive quotes he gave in my long post above all at once. Let her decide.

Steve kept telling me: Don't be disrepectful! (DJ may be my worst LB) He had a bunch of examples of how I could be disrespectful.

Noted. Thanks. I will find happiness. And excellence. If that's the path... that's the path.

So Reynolds... please remind me. Your sitch is D or R? I apologize. You told us in the past.

Its recovery for us. I can say the plan definately works, but they don't tell you how tough it is or how much work!

I see these BHs coming on that are desparate, and I think most of them don't have the stones to make this work. And most don't.

I hate to say it, but my attitude on the forum is much more pro husband these days. I think its FredinVa that I see eye to eye with the most.

BTW theres a new thread on, BH back for his second go after a successful recovery. MY WORST NIGHTMARE!

Oh Wow. Sorry for that BH. What's his call signal? I will pop in.

Recovery for you. Thanks.

I think I got the stones. Slimmest of chances now. But even when she is not trying she meets EN's for me. A wonderful warm person, who is quite a bit confused and lost (IMO... to be clear... IMO!)

She still wants to love me (in some fashion) and have a relationship with me (mostly positive even after D). So why can't we make this work? She believes we are both good people.

"Stretch has made marvelous strides and worked on himself and become this wonderful person." (She said that in MC the other day.)

So you and Fred are more proHusband. I get that. We seem to deal with more conviction and devotion. But women's hearts are funny things. It's the husbands that neglect and allow women's hearts to close. Women aren't, by and large, in the M just for safety and security and comfort. At some point, when the EN's aren't met for long enough, women lose the flame and have a hard time reovering it.

I had dinner with a buddy tonight and his sister (33). She said something interesting. She is single... dates a lot... and she said, "Lately, I've found the best men are forty-something divorced guys. They are so wise and so balanced and so even keel. And really attentive."

...the best men are forty-something divorced guys. They are so wise and so balanced and so even keel. And really attentive...

...because previously enduring life for 20 years with a modern American female necessarily imparts wisdom, perspective, and the awareness of the joys of possibly bopping a 33-year-old!

Sorry for the t/j of your t/j, Stretch! You were saying.....?

Now thats funny NG. Surprised you didn't get moderated though!

Surprised you didn't get moderated though!

Shhh! I was hoping this might get by, since it was not directed at anyone specific, certainly not alluding to the thoughts and actions of any of the fine correspondents, and/or solomonic moderators, here!

Yes , but those things are supposed to be grow into are they not?

That is the hope of young marriages that they will mature right?

NG - too hilarious.

CP - well said. That's what I would dream of for our marriage. That we grow into this maturity together. Not that I take this maturity and deliver it on a new 33 yr old. Seems sad to me right now.

Update: I got back from a 2day trip. Intend to discuss Steve's strategy over coffee tomorrow morning.

Nervous? Nope. The feeling that the entire relationship and the sun and moon and stars hang in the balance with every sentance of dialogue became too familiar to me in the recent past. I've found my zen. Steve gave me a great idea. Its short and sweet. I will simply present it and see what happens.

E-A-O-T-P

No, sir.

I cannot advise that man.


I'll do this once, and only once. Period. And I'll stick to my guns on that (or hold on to my N.U.T.s). That's outlined in our written EPs.

PS. Gotta watch those folks who have covered a whole third of a century!

It's funny, that ever since I was a young man, I knew that it took more than having a big yang to be a man really, but because I didn't play "that" game, uh yeah, didn't allways get the girl.

But when I did, because I acted responsible, I guess I was to boring to stay with. Guess it is to boring to have a good-looking sexually active faithful man who presents no problems or drama to "The modern woman"

The "nature" of relationships is both the blessing and the problem, the prize and the challenge, that we must face every day, and be thankful we have it, in love and marriage. By God, we need supernatural help also

Not everyone feels as we do CP. SOme people love the challenge, the chase, the drama, the independance.

They miss out on deep intimacy and suffer stretches of lonliness and a lack of support from a partner.

Not for me. I want a partner I can be devoted to; and she to me.

My wife is almost home from preschool and I have some time as soon as she gets home to discuss what Steve told me. Keep me in your thoughts right now. Send some good vibes..

Talked to her yesterday noon. I went slowly and carefully. She is calling Steve on Monday

This is great! I didn't realize she already had a time set up with him! I'm crossing all my fingers for you, stretch!