Just like to know your insights.

Not all do. I've seen a few on here that don't.

But generally...if the wayward is generally a decent person pre-affair, then the exposure shakes them to their senses and/or lessens the thrill of sneaking around that some waywards get from having affairs.

Probably they do because the romantic version of the affair is best experienced in secret.
Once people know about it, it isn't nearly so magical.
Reality hits fantasy.
Wham.

but what if the WS continues the affair after exposure, and intensifies it?

Well, I guess you go to plan B or plan D. A BS should not continue to subject themselves to such disrespect and pain.

Here's a way to examine it;


"Why does serial murder out in the open crumble so fast?"

"Why does burglary out in the open crumble so fast?"

"Why does rape out in the open crumble so fast?"

Sadly, a lot of the "excitement" of adultery is the fact that IT IS WRONG. That excitement becomes a whole something different when it's no longer a "dirty little secret."


In other words...

Yes,

but speaking from an analyzing perspective. I believe I read, but can't find it, that sometimes WS get really intense with their AP after exposure. I find the dynamics interesting, I'd like to know more.

Even when the waywards bring the A out into the open themselves, they lose that secret quality.

Held up against the relentlessness of everyday life, most can't take the strain over the long haul.

Exposure, before the waywards can try to legitimize their A, is THE BEST way to go.

If they continue the affair after exposure, you plan A until you decide to go to plan B.

The wayward won't have nearly as much fun in the affair after exposure as before....if that is any comfort to you.

Any intensification would be an attempt to capture back some of the excitement from pre-exposure, I bet.

I meant this as a general discussion, not about me, I'm in a happy place.

Some WS are instantly back into reality after exposure. And there are a few WS who get so mad, and almost as punishment intensify the affair. I know they never last, but I'm just interested in the process, how/why they intensify, and how that extreme intensifying blows it up more violently.

Interesting....

I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair.

Thank you!

Well, maybe it is true love.

So then... reality and laughter hit you hard (Bro)?

Why do the cockroaches RUN when you turn on the lights??

I agree they intensify to try to recapture that excitement of the early days when it was all so thrilling.
Also, in my opinion, to try to show the world that it is a 'real relationship'. That they were right all along to persue this 'true love & everlasting happiness with their soulmate'.

Normal relationships follow a rather different time track, take more time to develop and evolve; affair based relationships sky-rocket and (hopefully) eventually implode.

I think it's like the sick evil twin of hysterical bonding.

Those A's that survive exposure would often involve stuborn people. People who, like a bulldog, hangs on regardless of cost rather then admit they are wrong.

This was the case with the X of my brother in law. She would allmost never admit an error on her part. So when her H exposed her there was no turning back. She moved in with her A partner and was D fram my brother in law. Her relationship with the A partner was dead somewhere between 12and 15 months after D.

Anyway, he now has a better woman at his side!

MFJ - there is also the gold digger. The woman who looks and acts like a porn star in order to capture and seize a man with money.

She doesn't care one iota about her reputation because in her mind she has her "Eye on the Prize". The wayward husband has his own issues with sex, porn, and waywardness that he goes deep into the fog for this woman. His addiction isn't the woman -- it is sex and her body.

He will go to great lenths to keep his HIGH buzzing, and she goes to great length to keep his money flowing.

EXPOSURE doesn't kill an affair like that because the HIGH is so powerful, it consumes them beyond everything else.

Read Holyheart's entire thread and you will see how these gold diggers work when they are with a man addicted to their body.

With that those affairs ALWAYS die because the money runs out. There isn't enough ever and slowly the man loses it all. He loses it all because the gold digger keeps spending.

When those affairs crumble the depression, anxiety, and complete self loathing consume the wayward husband. Often he becomes suicidal.

An the Gold Digger - she has already latched onto a new man.

Look up "Spider Woman" and/or "Philandering Woman" for this.

It was never love it was only passing evil (adultery) for another evil (money) that made the relationship last.