readytowork, even if you decide not to stay in the marriage, you need to expose the affair so that your H cannot ease the OW into his family and the children's family.

And I would strongly advise you to expose to your kids this weekend when you do the other exposures. Your marriage is more important to your daughter in college than her tests. Her knowing about the affair will put a huge dent in this affair, I assure you!! She can be a great influence on your husband when she bursts his fantasy by telling him the OW will NEVER be accepted by her! We have had WS' who dumped an OP over this kind of stuff.

Do you have the OW's contact information? What about her parents, etc?

MB

Thank you for calling me out - you are right on this one! I am sure every married person can make a list of things they don't like about their spouse. The MC was obviously just letting me vent, and although if felt good to talk things out, MC did not really have advice or guidance for me. WH refused to go to the MC with me the 2nd time. He wanted me to go for me (even though he has the problem). I would love to talk out this issues with WH, but he is withdrawing more and more. WH is under terrible stress, having stomach problems, and is avoiding our friends. I spoke with him this morning, explaining that I know he is having a rough time and is under terrible stress. I would like to help him get his life back, so please end the A and we can get our life back on track. I told him that I realize that right now the OW is the only happy thing in his life, but we can work together to make everything in our lives good again. WH started to cry, saying he could not talk about this now, he had to get to work. But he loves me. My belief/hope is that the stress of the A is starting to get to him because he is not really sure he wants to end our relationship. Hopefully, this is not wishful thinking on my part. Waivered a little on the Exposure, because WH might have a mental breakdown, but I know it needs to be done.

Ok, I will include my children in the exposure. I have the contact info for the OW, OWH, and OW siblings. Could not find anything on parents - will keep looking.

Thank you for your comments!

This sounds very promising and I want to encourage you to expose the affair. That will likely kill the affair very quickly. It is only surviving on the fumes of fantasy so I predict exposure will kill it. He is tormented and depressed BECAUSE OF HIS AFFAIR, so don't worry about taking steps to kill it. His conscience is killing him.

Is there anyone in your exposure list who would call the OW to run her off? It would be extremely helpful if your MIL or even your daughter could call the OW and scare her off. She needs to know that she will NEVER be accepted by your children or the in-laws. Telling her she will be "eternally hated" by your children will have a HUGE IMPACT on the affairees.

Your husband is taking steps that will wreck his relationship with his children FOR LIFE. It will never be the same. NEVER. Not only that, but the odds of his affair ever working out are about nil. 95% of affairs die never make it to marriage and of those that do, 75% divorce within 5 years. Dr Harley claims that in 40 years he doesn't know of a SINGLE affairage that has been successful. Listen to this radio clip about affairages: http://richwith.com/mb/radio/shows/10-2010/10-05-10/MB_100110_A.mp3

Do you know what to say to all these people? Have you read the link in my signature?

The goal being to 'not' be able to make a list - that's where the POJA comes in.

rtw, I would play this for your husband after you expose the affair. He needs to hear this radio clip. He is planning on wrecking his life for this affair.

I have to agree with Dr. H on this. I know of one that has lasted over 10 years, but I wouldn't describe it as successful. in fact, it is a disaster, but they are "together"...

CV

Yep. I have a friend whose WXH is in an affair-marriage. They have been married for about 7-8 years, but it's a miserable relationship and he avoids his wife as much as possible.

Ready,

My H was very depressed during and after the affair. Mel is correct. He was depressed BECAUSE of the affair.

Regarding exposure, a few days ago (three and 1/2 years post d-day), my H referred to exposure as "the life line to the wayward spouse." Exsposure is the first step out of the affair for someone who is "deep in the fog". My H ended the physical part of the A the day I exposed it. Currently, we are in a recovering marriage, working the MB program.

Am I understanding correctly that OW still lives in a different state and is not physically close by?

AM

Thank-you all for your support and suggestions. WH in bad mood yesterday and continues to withdraw from family and friends. Made love during the night-might be my last time for the next few years. Still so surreal. Exposure begins this afternoon. I am strong, prepared and ready. Please pray for my family.

You can do this, rtw! Be strong and sure.

God Bless,rtw, and good luck!

thoughts are with you, stay strong, we are here for you

You are absoulutely doing the right thing. Prayers for you and your family today.

Let us know how things go.

AM

prayers for you, my friend!!! You are doing the right thing for your marriage and your husband. It will be hard, but the potential rewards are GREAT. We will be here for you!!

Dang! I have left 2 discreet messages for OWH, but he has not returned my call. Should I send email saying I need to talk to him about his wife?

What other way could you reach him?

I could email his work, or wait and call house. Not sure how to call home because I don't know if wife is around.

I would email his work right now. Tell him you are the wife of such and such and that his wife is having an affair with your husband. Ask him to call you.

If he doesn't call you, I would try calling his house, disguising your # with *67 and hoping he answers. If you are exposing on facebook, I would find the OWH's mother, sister or brother and tell them about the affair and ask them to call you.

What about your other exposures? Have you started on that?