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Have you told the kids? Please tell me you've talked to OWH.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Thank you to everyone, the storm has hit and I need to be strong. WS is livid, and told me I was being irrational. WS wants to know everyone I have contacted and whether or not I have told the children. OW sister's has chastised me for going public - I will not respond to her stupid comment. Your attitude is great. Well done. Im sure you know but it is vital you contact OWH
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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WS is mad - thinks I need medication. OWH has walked out, and her children know what is going on. OW's sister asked me why the other woman always gets blamed. She wanted to know if I also sent a note to WS's friends and family. She suggested I tell my kids what a jerk my husband is. I am not responding to OW's family. Liars really get indignent when you reveal their lies. From my side lots of support and encouragement. WS is on his way home to speak with me f2f. I am keeping strong and know that I have done nothing wrong. Hang tough. You're doing GREAT !!! (Go Niners !!!)
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You joined MB less than a week ago .... and you are already kicking adultery's BIG UGLY BUTT !  <~~~ readytowork
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You joined MB less than a week ago .... and you are already kicking adultery's BIG UGLY BUTT ! <~~~ readytowork This is one impressive gal - I suspect she may just save her marriage. 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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OW's sister asked me why the other woman always gets blamed. Hmmmm. Let me see. Is it perhaps because she is a grown up, and answerable for her own screw ups?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yes, I spoke with OWH before I sent out my FB messages. He was very kind and understanding, not even mad about the A. He said his wife has always been an unhappy person.
BW (48)
WH (49)
23 year married, 27 1/2 together
daughter 18, son, 16
WH planning to leave for OW
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Just to clarify it was the OW's sister, not my SIL, who was so upset at my exposure. I won't even bother responding to her. Actually, I should thank her because in her message she confirms that there is an affair and that she knew about it.
BW (48)
WH (49)
23 year married, 27 1/2 together
daughter 18, son, 16
WH planning to leave for OW
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This is really hard and I am sick to my stomach. Has this really worked for anyone? My WH is so angry with me, and will barely talk to me. The OW and my WH are so upset that her DC found out about the A. I did not send my message to the DC, but they found out anyway. I don't entirely regret my actions, because WH was planning to leave me anyway, so I had nothing to lose. On the other hand, maybe he never would have actually left? I am sure my feelings are normal, because I am a caring and honest person, and usually don't do things like this. However, I am fighting for my family and marriage. If anyone is upset with me they should look at their own behavior. Right?
BW (48)
WH (49)
23 year married, 27 1/2 together
daughter 18, son, 16
WH planning to leave for OW
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Their being upset is good.
Ride it out with seeming resolve and calmness.
They are not upset due to you telling the truth but that others know they did something nasty.
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Yes, they caused this, not you. And yes it has worked for many here. I found MB after my husband had decided to end contact and work it out so I didnt expose but the majority exposed and the affair ended quickly.
Mad is expected becuase the affair is fun when it is secret but not when the world knows about it.
I'm others will be along to give you there stories soon.
Last edited by LuvsDavid; 12/05/11 12:26 PM. Reason: changed last line.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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You are absolutely right. It is their behaviour that is landing them in the proverbial, not you telling the truth about it.
My WH is also furious with me for exposing his affair with a colleague to his workplace.
I felt a bit wobbly having done it, as I felt that it would drive him away further and quicker.
Truth is though, I have already lost him, and had I done nothing I would a) always wonder what if I had exposed. and b) I would have helped facilitate his affair by keeping silent and not rocking the boat.
Also, my WH and POSOW can now not make out that they happened to fall for each other long after he left me. Everyone they work with know they are having an affair, and not some Romeo and Juliet type love story.
So stand tall, and be safe in the knowledge that you did what you had to do.
Last edited by Maryse; 12/05/11 12:34 PM.
Me, BS, 35
J, WS, 33
12 years together, married 2.
No kids, just cats
D-day 06/30/11
In Plan B
"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
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My WH is so angry with me, and will barely talk to me. The OW and my WH are so upset that her DC found out about the A. Oh, well WAAAAAH WAAAAH!  Poor widdle waywards didn't like their widdle secret to leak out, did they? Good job on exposure!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Just to clarify it was the OW's sister, not my SIL, who was so upset at my exposure. I won't even bother responding to her. Actually, I should thank her because in her message she confirms that there is an affair and that she knew about it. Awesome! Keep the message.
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My WH is so angry with me, and will barely talk to me. The OW and my WH are so upset that her DC found out about the A. The more angry the affairees are over exposure...the better. It means what you were trying to do (inject reality into the fantasy) is WORKING. I have told the story many times of my sister's WH. After exposure he did all of the above. Packed up and left (only to return a short time later), repeatedly said he was DONE!, ranted and raged. He even destroyed a few things in the house. They are now recovered  You are doing a good job. Hang in there.
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Rtw, yes this worked for many people here. And the madder the WS, the more impact it had on the affair. And so what if her child found out? Her child should be told what she is doing to her family. Your children should be told too, everyone should know. All you are doing is telling truth.
You are doing great! Don't second guess yourself. Exposure is the most POTENT weapon you have in saving the marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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This is really hard and I am sick to my stomach. Take Pepto.Has this really worked for anyone? Yes !!!!My WH is so angry with me, and will barely talk to me. How fantastic! Excellent! You can skip the verbal abuse he'd be most likely to spew. 
Believe me, right now, WH silence is your best option.
The OW and my WH are so upset that her DC found out about the A. Tough beans.
OW and WH should have thought about the feelings of others before they dropped their knickers.I did not send my message to the DC, but they found out anyway. Not your problem Do not own an ounce of that. I don't entirely regret my actions, because WH was planning to leave me anyway, so I had nothing to lose. Indeed. No regrets for bravery while your marriage/life/future is under attack.
On the other hand, maybe he never would have actually left? He might have left for a few days/weeks, then proceeded to confuse you further by coming and going in your home 'as if' he was justified in not knowing his assfromateapot.I am sure my feelings are normal, because I am a caring and honest person, and usually don't do things like this. What you did was both CARING (about the marriage) and HONEST (about the facts).
Your actions were the epitome of honest caring.
However, I am fighting for my family and marriage. Damn right you are. If anyone is upset with me they should look at their own behavior. Right? Ask yourself; Who gets upset by the truth?
Cheats/liars/criminals.
In fact, when WH does break his silence and tries to spew fog babble at you ... say this "Who gets upset when a truth is revealed?" Put it in your mental pocket for future use.
Last edited by Pepperband; 12/05/11 12:51 PM.
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Have you told your kids?
Is WH still in the house? Hopefully, he'll get the message and drop the "anger" when he sees that you won't engage him in that.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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WH is still home but sleeping in another room by his choice. My FIL has been very supportive and my DC are furious with WH. His anger towards me is so hard to bear, even though I know I am right and he is wrong. I just
have to be patient. Please continue to pray for my marriage as I pray for all of you.
BW (48)
WH (49)
23 year married, 27 1/2 together
daughter 18, son, 16
WH planning to leave for OW
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I wouldn't be patient for too long. Try not to get into a stalemate where he storms around angry while living in the house. At some point (soon, I would say) you should tell him to either stop being mad at you for his having an affair or leave the house.
He's nearly 50, RTW, and he needs to be told to knock it off and accept that where he is today is the sole result of his actions. I wouldn't accept that kind of (pouting?) behavior from my 6-year old, and I doubt you would let either of your teenagers act like that, either.
He shouldn't get a pass and you need to keep the momentum up before he and OW get their ducks in a row and regroup.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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