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Do you think it's fun to see your spouse hurting everyday especially when your the cause?????? It's effing painful.
Do you know what its like to tell your kids that you made a life changing decision in the wrong direction and see them look at you as if you are a disease?
Do you know what its like to be WEAK. Has anyone of you ever had a weakness for something, food, shopping, alcohol, gambling, gossip????
Do you know what its like to sin and carry it around with you beating yourself up asking WHY WHY WHY???
No I guess not, you must be perfect. I know all this. Why are you lamenting? With this kind of attitude you will become a chronic disease. So stop it and think it over. What is your PLAN for making it up to your H and kids? Like Step No 1. NO CONTACT letter to OM, let my H revise it and then send it. How do I PLAN to keep no contact for life?
Me, FWW: 43
Mr_Recon6mo, FWH: 44
DD20 and DS23
3 cats
Married 23 years, together 24
Divorcing
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[quote=senninpa] They waste their time trying to make other people understand and see that they are different; it would be more helpful for them and lead to a happier situation in life if they would adopt the advice they are given sooner, rather than later. Well put.
I am the WS
BH, love him dearly
~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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FIVE AFFAIRS.
And she is on here pandering pity for herself.
Bloody bodies lying all around her on the floor and she is on here pandering pity for herself.
Two marriages ruined, career ruined, childhoods ruined, friendships ruined, all because she "felt some stress."
Unbelievable....
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So I guess a person who has no boundaries is a monster danger to their spouse. Let's keep it real. I really wanted to work on our marriage and be a good parent but apparently I am not capable of ever being a decent person.  Care for a little cheese with that whine?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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What is your PLAN for making it up to your H and kids?
Like Step No 1. NO CONTACT letter to OM, let my H revise it and then send it. How do I PLAN to keep no contact for life? Well said. 
Last edited by Pepperband; 12/07/11 10:01 AM.
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Seeinpaswife-
Like I said..I was probably just like you with the exception of my wife recently had an affair on me. I never understood how much pain and suffering I put he thru until it happend to me. I hated me, what I did and who I was. I don't know..
Everything she said she experienced I did also..I never took the time to see it thru her eyes or feel her pain..I just wanted it to be over and swept under the rug so we could move on..
You can do this..but you have to want to do it..it's not easy and their will be up's and downs. These guys/gals are the best at sniffing out B/S but if you decide to work hard they will help you and might just change your life for the better..
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ASK MARRIAGE BUILDERS related questions instead of "Oh, woe is me."
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Well thanks everyone for your input. I see that you all feel that we shouldn't work on Marriage cause apparently I am a hopeless case who cares about nothing. That is not how people feel at all. They believe you should work on your marriage, and are telling you what you have to change FIRST. But if you want to spin that into an excuse to divorce, go ahead.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I haven't had contact with OM for sometime nearly a month. I don't want any contact with OM because I want my husband and only my husband if he shall still want me.
I was praying in the midst of the affair for help cause I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop. My husband says God will listen and show you direction but you have to help yourself. Wish I would have thought of that one sooner.
I am the WS
BH, love him dearly
~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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One last thing..I see you said you feel bad for everything you are putting your kids and husband thru..so instead of easing their pain you are just posting away with more excuses causing them more pain making them feel responsible when in reality they didn't want any of this..they had no choice in the matter..God..I hate that I was like this..what a @#$@#$@ I was!
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So I guess a person who has no boundaries is a monster. So should I pack now or after Christmas??? You should change the fact that you have no boundaries. You should get boundaries. You can learn how to do that here. Also, when somebody says "your problem is X," you should consider working on the problem. Trying to shame people for telling you what the problem is, is unproductive. The problem has been identified for you. With the problem identified and you working on it, you have hope. With you doing nothing about the problem and getting upset with people for telling you what the problem is, you have no hope. I really wanted to work on our marriage and be a good parent Cool. I hope you do. To do that, you'll need to take the path that has hope (identifying the problems and working on them). You'll probably have to deal with a lot of facts about yourself that make you uncomfortable. Like the fact that you've been selfish, uncaring, thoughtless, and had terrible boundaries among men. To do that, you'll have to look those problems square in the face and admit them. It's not about fixing blame, it's about identifying the problems so that you can solve them. It won't help you to try to get people to not tell you what the problems are. That will only help you retain the problems for another decade. The watchward for you is CHANGE. You will need to change things. Right now you're compiling a list of things to change. Don't leave anything important off the list, okay?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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BUY the SAA book and read it with a highlighter as I previously suggested. Yes. Do this. Let us know when the book is ordered.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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One last thing..I see you said you feel bad for everything you are putting your kids and husband thru..so instead of easing their pain you are just posting away with more excuses causing them more pain making them feel responsible when in reality they didn't want any of this..they had no choice in the matter..God..I hate that I was like this..what a @#$@#$@ I was! You are reformed. Rejoice in that. 
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One last thing..I see you said you feel bad for everything you are putting your kids and husband thru..so instead of easing their pain you are just posting away with more excuses causing them more pain making them feel responsible when in reality they didn't want any of this..they had no choice in the matter..God..I hate that I was like this..what a @#$@#$@ I was! I don't think I was ever trying to place the blame on them or anyone else for that matter. I do blame myself.
I am the WS
BH, love him dearly
~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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So tell me what you believe are boundaries so I can get a better idea of where i went wrong and where I can learn from without the jabs please!
I am the WS
BH, love him dearly
~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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So tell me what you believe are boundaries so I can get a better idea of where i went wrong and where I can learn from without the jabs please! You asked a MB related question. Good for you.
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So tell me what you believe are boundaries so I can get a better idea of where i went wrong and where I can learn from without the jabs please! I'm in the process of writing some practical suggestions for you and giving you some reading material. But my first practical suggestion is this: quit telling people how to post. If you think somebody's post to you is inappropriate, practice just saying nothing. At this point, you need all the help you can get. You will miss valuable advice if you are talking to people trying to straighten them out instead of listening to them. Are the perfect? No. Are they too blunt? Maybe. But compare these two problems, and decide which one is more important to you, and work on that first: * I had multiple affairs and my marriage may not survive unless I do something. * Some people on the internet are not very nice when they try to help people. My suggestion is that you fix your marriage FIRST, and after you've gotten that steady for awhile, then you work on straightening out some of the mean posters around here. Your first priority has got to be your marriage, your husband, your family, your children. Blunt jerks on the internet needs to be a backseat priority right now. You have an emergency. Agree?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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The OW in my situation had a belief that she was able to stay clear of an affair and STILL HAVE 1-1 CONTACT with my husband. After all, it was just a phone call....
Boundaries mean things that you will no longer allow yourself to get anywhere close to the edge of impropriety by taking extraordinary precautions, such as:
No 1-1 contact/conversations/thoughts of/feelings about any man other than my husband.
No romanticizing affairs, ever. Grow a complete disgust for cheater movies, books, etc.
Avoid situations where you can run into an inappropriate relationship, even a ride in the elevator when there is not at least one other woman present if there is a man in the elevator.
What extraordinary precautions can you take to NEVER find yourself thinking, feeling, or seeing another man again?
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Pep- I hate looking in the past to see how selfish I was..are there reasons? Sure..but no excuse..I just wished I knew and was more aware of all this many years ago..I really hadn't posted much on here I just read it everyday, I just felt like posting on this one for some reason. It's really ugly looking back when you were a wayward and having been betrayed allows you to see it very clearly. BTW- You guys are great and I apoologize if I am not helping out..I was shaking as I was posting..I just wished we spent more time on this before we ever get to this place..Like in high school but we don't care about this stuff at that age 
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