Agree with Scotland and SC.

Married means...still married. It doesn't matter if it's filed or that it "should" be final in May. Mine was supposed to be final this month. I don't think it will be for a couple more months yet.

Joining a dating site is completely ABSURD. Do you understand what a confusing and difficult time your children have ahead for them? Where the heck are your priorities?

Not to mention that ANY man that would date a married woman is not a man you would want to date anyway...

CWMIs not kidding. You would not believe the stuff seemingly nice guys think they can get away with when they sense a women is in pain and vulnerable. And thats when you're not even out there! If you go out dating purposefully you might as well ring the dinner bell for the vultures.

Honestly, I was looking for words to write before reading this. It is never fine to date while married. The fine posters here are correct. Aside from furthering the damage to yourself, you are definitely damaging your children.


Amy, now more than ever, you will need to be a model for your children of what is right and good. They are going to be examining you over the next X number of years to see what kind of person left dad for what he did.

Please don't show them you are a hypocrite. Show them you are a woman of virtue.

CV

As a mom to many small children, all I can say is they need their mom more than 24/7. My D-day is fifteen months now, and my kids are just starting to get back to their rooms. I just finished nursing not to long ago, and the baby wants mommy still.

My kids are very confused. Miss daddy all the time, and aren't sure if up is down, or is left is right.

They want their family. I cannot give them a whole family, but I can give them me. That is all they need right now.

Men of the caliber you need will never date a woman until she is divorced.

Read TexasSun, faithful follower, sexymamabear for what happens when you mix adultery with personal recovery from a wayward husband.

I have joined a dating site for many reasons. I DO want to date. I don't want to recover my marriage. I'm just trying to focus on me and having fun, being with friends, and doing my own thing

Dday #2 - 15 October
Thread Opened - 25 October
Game over - 08 December

We would frickin' HAMMER a BH for bailing out and planning a WAYWARD escape within two months! But somehow the responses to a BW are manifested as "pleas" and "suggestions" ???

...chatting with some guys that are interesting and that I might want to have coffee with then I think that is fine...I know this is the right decision.

Schlag is suddenly uninteresting? He doesn't like coffee? Fastest settling-in of a wayward fog on record! Pathetic!

(I know - more "peckishness", MB!)

**edit**

I take personal offense to this. I would have posted the same thing to a BH as I did to Amy. I also would like to point out that while I was not overly harsh(as is not my style), I did get my point across.

Where is YOUR OUTRAGE post, huh?

Amy - summary of what's been pointed out:
1. As a betrayed woman, when you go out onto the dating scene, expect predators who pick up on your hurt and will exploit that, whether you are married or not, until the hurt is gone and that vulnerability is also gone. You need far more time than a week; you will need YEARS before you are legitimately ready to date anyone!

2. As a MOTHER, you cannot add to your children's pain by bringing other men into their lives, vicariously or openly. A mother who is setting her heart aflutter by reading about/texting with/talking to other men does not have her mind on her children's emotional needs right now.

3. As a soon to be ex wife, the blatant communication IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND reeks of revenge revenge revenge. Your intentions are not self-protective; they are out to wound him with a vengeance. And while he deserves it, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE CONSEQUENCES YOU ARE SIGNING UP FOR!

Here are some of those consequences:
a. Exploited sexual relationships with a revolving door of men (how do you feel about yourself being used for sex?)
b. STDs
c. Wrecking the life of another man who you are not free to fall in love with until you've healed from the last broken heart.
d. Wrecking the life of those you still love and those that man may love.

Throw on the brakes hon. You are way too raw to handle anything but your children and the process of deconstructing your current relationship.

How? Because it feels good?

Guess how many other people have started down the road of adultery because it feels good.

Another poster was right. You're out for vengeance. You're out to inflict as much pain as you can, and you're enjoying it.

So, the BW is now rolling in the same mud that her WH got filthy in. Why would you, a woman who understands the heart-wrenching grief of being the victim of an affair, intentionally inflict the same injury on another living human being?

Not even Schlag deserves that. No one does.

God help your children.

With the largest being to inflict pain on your wayward husband.

Hope that works out for you...

Amy,

The reason you join a dating site is to date. Or have I been married and coddled away too long?

For someone who prides herself on honesty, I honestly have to say I don't see it here.

Amy - think about it - you think you hurt now?

Try going down this path a bit further. Try looking at your children's faces who need every scrap of care you can give them down that path.

As a daughter of infidelity I can tell you what those eyes will tell you - but not while you're wayward. You couldn't hear it. You can't even begin to think of their pain, can you? It's all about you. Your pain. You're justified.

But are they deserving of that cruelty?

I can promise you that you have not begun to hurt. Run from this site if you will. but the hurt's going with you. We're not the source of that pain. Any additional pain you feel to what your STBX caused you is self-inflicted. But I hope you wake up to feel the pain of regret for your children. I hope you wake up before you do that.

STOP!

Of course you don't. She is now wayward herself. No wayward is honest.

Prisca, I meant I know getting a divorce is the right decision.

And wow... apparently I'm very misunderstood. Even Schlag said so himself after reading these replies. I don't feel the need to defend myself further. I know who I am and what I stand for and I'm comfortable with that.

Amy, all waywards feel misunderstood here. So you know you are wayward? You know what that stands for having been on the receiving end? And you are comfortable with that?

Amy, I know the pain. I have entertained the thought of dating, finding comfort in the attention of another man. The whole "if you can't beat em join em mentality".

But I deserve a better man and relationship than that. No way will I increase any chance that I will be back here on SAA in years to come. No way. I will wait until I am fully available for a man who respects marriage and all it represents.

That is so very sad You are already foggy - this is wayward tongue. What part of your wayward behaviour have we misunderstood? What justifies your choice of speeding towards a full-blown affair? How is this okay? Why are you divorcing, the true motives, please?

I'm sorry, but I cannot figure you out anymore

You understand, dont you Amy

that THIS



Contradicts THIS



No one is saying you cant date after your divorce is final and you are in a position to meet nice men. Men who would not go near a married woman. But you would have to be certain that Shlag is history for you to do that.

You cant keep him dangling on one string while you line up revenge affairs (and you are rubbing his nose in it). It is getting needs met in two places - just like a wayward. It also gives a horrible message to your children about marriage and their parents' respect for one another if they date each other AND others.

I'm hearing a lot of 'just coffee' here and just 'interesting'. If coffee and conversation is what you're after, join a book club. No it wont make Shlag as jealous, no it wont get you male admiration (hopefully, until you're ready) but it will give you some fun things to do, new friends, an opportunity to heal and some dignity of how you behave when under fire.

How long has it been since D-Day, Amy? Come on. You are letting pain and vengeance make your decisions for you.

I agree with all indie has pointed out. Amy, your pain seems to be giving you a sense of entitlement to have an affair. Very foggy thinking.