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Originally Posted By: Giraffe6
[
No, he's not illegal, but he's not a citizen.


Can you get him kicked out of this country? Can you report him to ICE?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: Giraffe6
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Expose the bast*rd to his family and then go FIND HIM. Stop calling him for an appointment.


He's easy enough to find. The first time I confronted him in August was in person. I just don't want to do something that's going to be me in trouble. I have no problem confronting him, just figure he isn't man enough to talk to me, so he might trying something stupid in person and then he would be the type that would try to get me arrested if I punch him smile


Expose the affair FIRST. Then go find him but take someone with you. Take the biggest guy you know. And perhaps your sons.


Giraffe6,

Mel is absolutely correct.

THIS is the one greatest IMMEDIATE thing you can do to end her affair.

Taking your sons to SEE the monster that is destroying their lives will leave BOTH your WW and the OM with no hope of a fantasy life of "living happily ever after" together...

THAT fantasy needs to be killed NOW!!!

I would probably also take a camera for you to snap a quick shot of the OM at the happy moment to show your WW that your kids now have an indelible image of the person helping their mother destroy their lives.

I'd also hand out the photo to the other family members you are going to finally expose to.

You sir, are runnning out of time.

God bless.

Jim


FWW 48 had EA and PA affair with my brother which ended in 2006. Me BH 53. Happily recovering with a new and better marriage through MB!!! My thread - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2110024#Post2110024
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Originally Posted By: Giraffe6
[and I will also call FIL and her Aunt too


Giraffe, call the Aunt TOO. Ask her to call your wife and use her influence to persuade her to end this affair. You need EVERY FAMILY MEMBER TO CALL HER TODAY. Your sons, her father, her mother, friends.

Stop just doing a little exposure so you can say you checked the box.

Don't do another trickle exposure. GO LARGE OR GO HOME!!

Where does the OM work?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Take the biggest guy you know. And perhaps your sons.


I have a friend at the gym that has offered to do that with me or even bring some guys to talk to him. I have thoguht about going over there with the kids too. Not as a physical confrontation but as a way for me and the kids to confront him. I just don't like the idea of bringing them face to face with him in case they do want to make it physical.


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Originally Posted By: Giraffe6
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Take the biggest guy you know. And perhaps your sons.


I have a friend at the gym that has offered to do that with me or even bring some guys to talk to him. I have thoguht about going over there with the kids too. Not as a physical confrontation but as a way for me and the kids to confront him. I just don't like the idea of bringing them face to face with him in case they do want to make it physical.


I would take the guy from the gym and your sons. Tell them beforehand there will be no physical altercation because this loser is not worth going to jail over. If your sons can't commit to that, then don't bring them. It would be good for your son<s> to tell this scumbag that he will NEVER be welcomed in their family.

Do you believe that OM is just using your wife to get citizenship in this country?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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How are your exposures coming along?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I would also tell the OM that you have a PI watching their EVERY MOVE so you know all about their recent "plan." Tell him what he said so he knows you know everything.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Do you believe that OM is just using your wife to get citizenship in this country?


No, he was married for like 13 years and still battling over the divorce so he could have alredy applied for citizenship, I don't think it's his plan. I think he will go back to where he's from if his wife wins child support, he has already told his teenage son that if his mom wins child support he isn't paying and if they try to get him he will just go home.... gee, thanks Dad!

I think he is just using my wife for sex! And everyone can see that exceopt her.


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
How are your exposures coming along?


At work so haven't been able to do it just yet, but I will try on a break or right after work. Plus I am trying to get his parents contact info.


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G6

I am joining late but read most of the highlights. I will give you my take - You would do better if you listened and executed the advice given - although I understand the paralysis in the early stage.

Quote:
Anyway, I saw that she called him once, but that was it. However, she also sent him an email that he didn't reply to. But then on Friday he called her and they talked twice. Now she sent him another email over the weekend asking him to let her get thruogh Christmas and to please wait for her. He replied last night saying he is ok and for her to be strong and there's only one thing she can do wrong (I assume that means sex with her husband, what a loser!). Anyway, it sounds like they're just trying to get through Christmas.... so..... I don't know exactly how to manage this.


This is treachery of the worst kind - you understand? She is playing games with you and her sons. If it were me - there would be no "managing" - the puck on my desk would have been thrown through a window - I would have gone nuts - I rarely show emotion but this would have would have been too much.

You need to have a family "come to jesus" meeting and lay out the current status and get this out in the open. Blow their plan away.

Their little plan was to lie low and then announce an end to the marriage after the holidays. She would then tell your sons that she tried so very hard but cannot do it any longer and her boyfriend came into the picture afterwards.

As for bringing the sons and friend to confront OM - OM must realize that his future with your WW will not be peaceful. It will bring the necessary drama to push the OM to greener fields.

This confrontation also has a second benefit - it could very well burn the fog faster. Mothers and sons usually have a special relationship - seeing her boys confront her boyfriend will send a very quick message on their feelings of this matter.

Simple rules with Plan A:

1. Bring as much drama, chaos and "pain" to the affair partners as much as possible, which is done through exposure and confrontation.

2. Make the home, family and marriage the least painful and the most attractive alternative.

I wish you well on this phase. You are at a critical junction - action needs to be taken to finish off this affair now. You have put some critical pieces in place but again now is the time to wrap this up and execute the plan.

BTW - this is the perfect holiday to do this - its all about family.

Also note the next two - New Years and Valentines seem to be the adulterers favorite and so keep your eye open for signs.

Last edited by rwinger; 12/20/11 08:48 AM.

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G6, haven't heard from you in a while and just wondered how your situation turned out ????? What became of you ?


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Originally Posted By: PleaseSetMeFree
G6, haven't heard from you in a while and just wondered how your situation turned out ????? What became of you ?


Thanks for the follow up PleaseSetMeFree! My wife said she ended the affair and wants to stay. I told my kids and we began trying to recover. However, I found out that she was just calling him from a client's phone. Based on emails they haven't seen each other but are still in contact. So my kids and I confronted her last Friday while we were away for a vacation during Christmas break. We expected her to either not want to talk about it as usual or give us more lies. She eneded up turning it into a fight between her and me in front of the kids. Well she tried anyway, but we wouldn't take the bait and argue with her. She tried to make me the villian and herself the victim but even my youngest asked her, whay are you trying to make this about Dad?

She told us that wether it's over between OM and her or not, it's over between us. so we said ok, then get out. She said she would move. When we got home we talked some more and she said she wants to stay and that it's truly over with him. I see he is still emailing her but it doesn't appear she is replying. I'm not confident it's over, and I am pretty much done with the lies and betrayal and not sure I coudl recover from this even if she did come around. Well, I know I could but it would take more than just words from her at this point I need to see remorse and true commitment to recovery. My kids are even questioning why I would want to give her anothe chance.

That;s my update, doesn't sound too good for us. I really lover her but I am tired of this. The exposure worked as far as putting pressure on the affaire and slowing it down but she just seems to want to stay and have the comforts of home but continue to try to sneak aorund and I can't have that. It is not only betraying me but the kids too and what kidn of message am i sending my boys now? it's ok for someone to betray you over and over as long as you love them?! NO, it's not ok!!

G6


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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: Giraffe6
[and I will also call FIL and her Aunt too


Giraffe, call the Aunt TOO. Ask her to call your wife and use her influence to persuade her to end this affair. You need EVERY FAMILY MEMBER TO CALL HER TODAY. Your sons, her father, her mother, friends.

Stop just doing a little exposure so you can say you checked the box.

Don't do another trickle exposure. GO LARGE OR GO HOME!!

Where does the OM work?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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trickle, trickle, trickle, trickle........


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: Giraffe6
[Well, I know I could but it would take more than just words from her at this point I need to see remorse and true commitment to recovery.


Wow, that sounds so tough and scary. You're kidding with this, right? She is still in touch with the OM. She has not even ended contact and you say this?

What are you going to do about it?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: Giraffe6
[ I see he is still emailing her but it doesn't appear she is replying.


In other words, the affair is still on......

Any plans on busting up that little deal? sleep


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Giraffe,
Forgive me but I'm confused.

Did she move out or is she still living in your home ?

If she is talking with him on a company phone, then she is emailing him (replying to his emails) on a company computer, do you think ????

You must be a walking bundle of nerves. Sounds like a precarious start to a new year.

I wish you and your boys the best.
PSMF

Last edited by PleaseSetMeFree; 01/03/12 02:22 PM.

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You know what infuriates me the most about this? We have so many marriages on this forum where the BS has tried EVERYTHING and still loses. There is no chance. And here we are with a marriage that could easily be saved with a little action. Your wife doesn't want to leave. She wants to retain the status quo. And she knows she can.

As such, the affair drags on and on and on past the point of no return.

You have a chance to save this, unlike other cases here, and just won't take it. That disappoints and frustrates me.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted By: PleaseSetMeFree
Giraffe,
Forgive me but I'm confused.

Did she move out or is she still living in your home ?

If she is talking with him on a company phone, then she is emailing him (replying to his emails) on a company computer, do you think ????

You must be a walking bundle of nerves. Sounds like a precarious start to a new year.

I wish you and your boys the best.
PSMF


yep, it's not a good start to the new year at all. She says it's over but I can see they are still talking via email, or at least I can see he is emailing her, i havent' seen a reply from her but I am done with the lies. At this point I just want her to leave. If she prefers this clown over the people that lover and care for her, even her kids, then she can go. I have a hard time processing how she can turn her back on her children but that's for her to figure out. I can't imagine that she won't regret this one day but I can't do this forever. Mel, thanks for yuor post stoo but I'm not sure what you expect. Do you REALLY think if I tell her Aunt that's going to end it!? I mean come on, she doesn't even care that her own CHILDREN know, what is her Aunt going to do.... maybe you're the one that needs to get real about this. Sorry but that makes no sense to me. Not trying to disreepsect you but I don't get that at all. If she can't be moved enough to end this by her kids knowing and being upset with her I fail to see how talking to her Aunt is going to be what takes her away from OM. And if so, that sitll would bother me that the impact this has had on her kids isn;t enough.

Last edited by Giraffe6; 01/03/12 02:28 PM. Reason: typos and to add more comments

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Giraffe,
Did you and your sons go on a family vacation without her ?? If so, what reason did she give for staying home ALONE ?? gulp.


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