Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#25767 10/31/99 06:04 PM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 83
Y
Member
Member
Y Offline
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 83
My H has been in an adulterous affair with a married woman. I don't know who OW is or who OW's husband is. I can't help but wonder if the OW's husband is one of the men posting on this site. If you live in Michigan and wife works for a company that begins with "B", it could be. What are the chances? I could only hope, because at least it seems the men on this site are here because they want to do good. Although knowing my H was causing your pain wouldn't feel so great.

#25768 10/31/99 09:41 PM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832
R
Member
Member
R Offline
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832
Hurt Bad,<P>Well there are two sides to the "knowing". In the beginning, I felt I HAD to know everything! My H kept his cards close to the vest, but little by little and with alot of snooping I got the whole story. H eventually told me most everything I wanted to know. <P>Well, now I know and so what! The knowledge doesn't change the outcome: my H lkeft the house and right now is in FL visiting the OW yet again.<P>Now, he has a new tactic - telling me more than I wan to know.<P>I don't know if finding out will really help you or not. I know in the beginning I was as driven to know as you might be right now. Just don't pin any unrealistic expectations on something changing if you ever find out who the OW is. <P>A suggestion: spend your time and energy on figuring out WHY the affair is happening and what role you may have played in it. This has been a REAL learning experience for me and I am determined that I will not have endured all this pain and not gained from it!<P>Wishing you the best...<P>Roll Me Away

#25769 10/31/99 09:56 PM
Joined: Nov 1998
Posts: 1,035
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: Nov 1998
Posts: 1,035
HB - Try also lurking on some of the betrayers forums, like Philanderers Forum. There are a couple of others too. This actually is not by any means the best way to find out what's going on, though. Really, you need to look around your own home and keep tabs on your H, if you truly want to discover who the OW is. The best way, if you can afford it, is to hire a P.I. Most of us here can't (it IS expensive) so do our own detective work. Also, I do disagree with RMA that understanding why is the most important thing. I don't think we really can do that until we know the details of our spouse's affair, including who the OP is. This enables us to confront them with what we know about the affair. Until we can do this, they're only going to tell us that we're being paranoid for being suspicious and we're going to make zilch progress towards understanding why. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

#25770 10/31/99 10:02 PM
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,107
N
Member
Member
N Offline
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,107
What in the HELL is the world coming to when there is a <B>Philanderers Forum???</B><P>HB, I agree that you need to know. I think that's important. Good luck in finding them!<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

#25771 10/31/99 10:27 PM
Joined: Nov 1998
Posts: 1,035
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: Nov 1998
Posts: 1,035
new_beginning - I think it's called GOING to hell in a handbasket. Oh, they're a sweet bunch on PF. But if your spouse is cheating on you, you do pick up some interesting clues! R & B,<P>--Wex

#25772 11/01/99 08:51 AM
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73
Y
Member
Member
Y Offline
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73
I have mixed feeling about your H's OW's H finding out. I am glad in a way that I discovered the affair (in my case it was a one night mistake, but the hurt is still there) I have realized so much about what was going on in our relationship and so did my H. It's like a ton of bricks fell on his head, BUT on the other hand the hurt has been so great and even though you would like to make the OW suffer the consequences of her actions you have to remember this would be afflicting pain on another person who is innocent like us! On the other hand (wait am I out of hands) he has the right to know. It's just so hard and confusing. Your story reminds me of mine in that I thought I was married to a wonderful guy with such great morals and now everything I thought is down the drain. I too worry about our precious little girl who is innocent to all this. Some days I see so much hope and some days I see nothing but the negative side. How will I ever trust again, how can I believe what he says. I do know the OW and unfortunately I thought it was a friend I'd never have to worry about interfering in my marriage. I hate that I have so much hate in me because of her. So about you not knowing who she is, I can see where you'd want to know but knowing (at least in my case) sucks BIG TIME! <P>If you figure out a way to start trusting again, let me know okay? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

#25773 11/01/99 09:04 AM
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 406
Y
Member
Member
Y Offline
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 406
Philanderer's Forum? Oh that sounds like great fun.<p>[This message has been edited by nonplused (edited November 01, 1999).]

#25774 11/01/99 09:05 AM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 83
Y
Member
Member
Y Offline
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 83
Thanks Kris10:<P>I don't know if I will ever trust him again. I feel inside me that I can, and I can forgive him - but I have yet to see him want to be forgiven and until then, nothing. I don't know right now if my marriage will continue or not. I can't seem to gauge it. The hopefulness seems to become more distant, but not gone. I know he feels incredible guilt, but I don't know if it's enough for him to turn back to our marriage and save our family from the despair.<P>I almost don't want to know who she is because then it may give her the green light to be calling my home and be in my face. I only want to know out of curiousity - what kind of woman has the power to make my H forget every good memory of 19 years we've had. What does she look like? Is she a gorgeous young blond with long hair and a bod that won't quit. My H is very handsome and I always knew there were women throwing themselves at him, I just never thought he'd actually take one up on it. If I know him, she would have to be drop-dead gorgeous to even be attracted in the first place, which hurts me because I'm 38 and had 3 children go through my body (1 miscarriage). I think for women tho, the curiousity eats us alive because we over-analyze and imagine so much is going on.<P>I'm sure I'm better off not knowing for now. Maybe some day he'll tell me he told her goodbye and answer my questions. I can only pray for God's intervention at this point. My children deserve so much more than this, and so do I.<P>I have to go do something else now, or I'm going to be a mess. Thanks.

#25775 11/02/99 01:00 AM
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73
Y
Member
Member
Y Offline
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 73
Hurt Bad,<BR>Anytime! We sound like we are in similar boats except my H does want forgiveness in the worst way~ I guess that is definitely a good thing. The best thing we can do is rely on God and pray about what is hurting us. I just lost my grandmother who I was close to this past year and I saw that in her (her faith) that it got her through everything. It was amazing the things that happened in her life. I just hope I can have as good of faith as she. It's hard sometimes. My prayers are with you. My email is kristen.hess@capbluecross.com if you ever need to talk. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

#25776 11/01/99 02:13 PM
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,365
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,365
I also found the Filanderers Forum by a search of infidelity. This just makes me sick that there are people out there looking for a quick one and don't care about the outcome or how it affects anyone. And they even tell you how to do it and not get caught. You got that right society is going to hell in a handbasket. This sucks worse than life itself.<P> Still wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 434 guests, and 88 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
MigelGrossy, Jerry Watson, Toothsome, IO Games, IronMaverick
72,040 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,040
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0