Well, its true. She hasn't thought it through. But she does admit when she says, "I may be adly mistaken in what I assume I can afford." She also says, "My gut hurts just knowing that I will be poor. I know women suffer financially in a divorce much worse. I am scared and worried about what it will mean for me. But I still want to leave."

I don't think she knows how hard the fall will be. I think her cheerleaders are telling her... "It'll all work out."

Frankly, the spousal support plus child support from me will be pretty decent. My gross last year was $180K. It's not stable because of bonuses and what have you. It could be between $150K and $180K. So, you gotta figure... even a third of that! Up to half of that! Is better than a lot of people live on. She'll just have to adjust way, way down in expenses.

Oh boy... I just don't know what will happen next. But I know it will eventually be excellent.

I am ready for her to be out. And dark separation. i will be sad. But I won't continue like this unless we both agree to really recover our marriage. I can promise it will be hard. And it will be expensive. But it will be rewarding. The prize is wonderful / awesome / amazing.

The alternative will also be hard. Harder? Well, maybe actually easier? Plan D can be easy in many ways. But Plan D is most definitely more expensive. And less rewarding.

I came home. There is another new puppy!

Where does one begin.....?

A substitute for what is empty in her life...
Making a purchase to buy temporary happiness and love for a brief moment.....
Giving our girls something because she is about to take away something bigger.....
Running away from conflicting emotions....
Seeking unconditional love. Love that is not as difficult as a grown up human, intimate, romantic love...

So, I wonder if she has thought about finding an apartment that will allow two puppies plus a cat in January.

I wonder if she has a budget for another puppy. The puppy in April has cost almost $3,000 so far with invisible fence collars, vets, training class, food and toys.

Wonder if it has occurred to her that when you rent a place you probably dont get a fenced yard. That means lots of dog walking.

I am tapped out. Dont want to deal with this insanity.

Sorry to hear you're fooling with this, Stretch.

She cannot plan far enough ahead to consider how her actions will impact the kids, so don't expect her to bother figuring out what to do with a dog.

$3,000? Wow.

The dog was for DD#2. (8yr old). Evidently for her therapy.

So obviously some kind of replacement for what she really needs. Married, loving parents. But now she has it spun so she was thinking about one of the kids.... and I made it all about me and us.

But damn it all... I told her... this sort of thing used to be endearing. I love the way she thinks of the kids. I loved when she gave too much. I loved the unpredictable, impulsiveness. I loved the impractical silly ideas. I loved how she could fall in love with a new creature, a new game, a new baby. But nit now. Not while my love is rejected. Not while I am always a villian.

So apparently this puppy was going to be a replacement for DD2 therapy. DS1 has a therapist. DD1 has a therapist. All weak substitutes for strong, healthy, loving parents.

My wife's self esteem is so low, she transfers bad feelings about herself onto me. Feel bad about her parenting? Point out hubby's bad parenting. Feel bad about clutered life and poor scheduling and effectiveness? Focus on hubby's mistakes.

I wish she would accept me when I say she is doing fine. I wish we supported and made each other feel better. She's a great person, (human sins like all of us), she's a great mom, she's talented, she's pretty.

Tonight she is in a pit of despair. Bawling sad. Curled up with puppies. Sleeping downstairs. Looking at the tree.

Its safe up here. I can provide love and support. I am her cheerleader and champion. I could hold her and provide comfort. But its rejected. I guess I dont do it right... dont give her what she needs how she likes it. Too sad.

I just picked up on two of your kids being in therapy.

What ages and why are they there?

Guess Christ being crucified wasn't enough, she had to do it to you too

Welcome to the club, and I do know some of what your going through

You are handling it as well as you can, and yes, her provision is now her jailor?

Hope you have a Merry Xmas, in spite of all this stretch.

The reason for the season

Is the dog remaining with you when she leaves in January? You have a right to take issue with your WW buying a live animal for you to care for without consulting you first. Did a therapist confirm to you that he suggested this animal as a form of therapy for your child?

Its just her idea, she wants our 8yr old to have something to help her through the divorce. But now we have three dogs and a cat.

She said she decided to take it back to the pet shop today. Told the girls. They were sad but brave. Then W changed her mind. Another 24hrs with this puppy.
Bet she keeps it. "For my children".

I am checked out of this nonsense. I can take it and nourish and support her wildness if my needs are met and I am loved. But the LBs displayed in this act.... Selfish demands, independant behaviors. And I am the bad guy. Rejected and villianized.

Whatever. My energy is gone now. Cant work solo. Cant work against this resistance.

And there it is... The bottom of the tank.

I just caught this. She is playing on your good nature and love for her. She's a mere few weeks away from moving out and she's just now figuring this out? Nope. She's known it all along. She has waited until now to start laying the groundwork for your financial aid so you have less time to think about it.

Make sure she's clear that when she leaves she's financially on her own.

Did she say why she is in despair?

MB,

Did she say why she is in despair?

Well 123 wrote that "My gross last year was $180K", he is a good husband, a good father, he fought for his marriage, has been improving as a person, what rational person would not be in despair to lose such a spouse. And no money isn't everything, but it sure helps.

God Bless
Gamma

I know. I was hoping Stretch had asked her so he could hear what she had to say.

I was leading up to something.

I was leading up to something.


(MB was being vewy, vewy sneaky!)

All joking aside, Stretch, you must know by now that the January move-out is NOT going to happen, and never WAS going to happen. Her plan now will be somehow to make it your fault. She'll likely cadge up something that you can/should/will not do, and have a melt-down blaming you for her being forced to remain (Think: co-signing a loan, or some-such.)

As her cheese slips further and further off her cracker, Stretch, you should tighten up controls on things that you can. I'm assuming her vehicle is still jointly insured with yours? I see her headed to the deep end of her pool real quick, partner. Watch/guard your interests very closely.

Okay, I'll just come out with it.

Stretch, your WW has been living on Fantasy Island, imagining her new, swingin' single life. On Fantasy Island there is no rent, no utilities. There are no car payments. Islanders never run out of money before the end of the month. Reality is starting to creep in on her fantasy now.

As time edges closer to her drop dead date for bringing this fantasy to a reality, she is realizing a few things:
1. She's about to embark on an unknown and somewhat uncertain new life...
2. Or maybe she's not, because she won't be moving out unless she can figure out how to finance the fantasy-to-reality portion of the program. She's got a pretty short list of targets for that financing.
3. You're her short list.

I suspect she's feverishly working on how to approach you to get the financial support she needs to sprout the independent wings she's been yapping about for all these months. Hence the pathetic spectacle of her display of curling up in a ball and the breath-takingly selfish comment she made That is one of the most selfish things I have heard a in a while. After everything she's put you and your kids through, THAT'S her big concern???

I'm with NG, Stretch. Tie up every penny of marital money and assets that you can. (I would make sure she takes her pets with her that she so presumptuously brought to your home without your consent. Your kids can see them during their visitations with her.)

I asked you this before, and I'm not sure I got an answer: what is your plan when, in a few short days, move-out time rolls around and she's still in the house? What will you do then?

His plan may be her plan if he won't volunteer the funds--Stretch does the dirty work (files) and his alimony check pays for the new house.

Hoping that everyone had a nice holiday.

Ours was really, really good. Good respite. I was just fine emotionally. Unlike Thanksgiving. We were very loving and caring. Kids had a great holiday.

Not sure what comes next....(in terms of our steps) But I know we will have either full divorce or full marriage.

I know what each of those look like for me.

He posted this for me back on May 5. By chance I hit the little '...' which takes you to the middle of your thread. This popped up and I read it again. Speaks to me now much more than back then. I wasn't nearly as peaceful and in charge back then as i am now. I was still crying and up all night then. Now... i think i truly am at peace. Ready for whatever comes next. I am trying to demonstrate the conditions for her to love me through actions. Still an MB'er. They just may not be received. I am very concerned about her/for her. But I am just fine.

Stretch, I wanted to wish you a favorable resolution and reconciliation between you and your wife in 2012.

Here's to hoping that New Year's Eve next year finds the demons that interfere with her recognizing you for the man you are banished from your lives.