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Originally Posted By: schoolbus
For those of you who have not seen another repentant Wayward Wife on the MB BOARDS???


-Mrs. Wondering
-Schoolbus
-and one Vet that everyone keeps forgetting was a WW.....she'll tell on herself I'm sure.

SB
S


...and Jelly...AW...all are beacons of hope. Love them all.

>no one will love your children like their real parents.

Respectfully, bs. Some people aren't worth the DNA they contributed. Just sayin.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Originally Posted By: Dealan-de


>no one will love your children like their real parents.

Respectfully, bs. Some people aren't worth the DNA they contributed. Just sayin.


Kimmy's right. Some of my children call their father the sperm donor. I have seen nothing to indicate that he loves them.


Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
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I sure appreciate you writing this NC2011. Thank you for this insight. Blessings.


me: FWW/BW
Married 20 years, 4 kids
We made it.
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Originally Posted By: NewCreation2011
My perspective is from that of the OW who became the new wife. I hope this helps someone.

You will get to be responsible for destroying the life of another woman. You will get to be responsible for destroying the lives of all children involved. No, children are not resilient. They are sponges and take in everything around them whether they are capable of processing it or not. And when they are not able to process their world being shattered and all the conflicting messages about right and wrong, you will get to deal with all their issues and mistakes and anger as they grow up. You will have to know all the while that whatever is happening is a direct result of your selfishness. If the child fails at school, cant control their anger, becomes promiscuous, falls into addictions, cant maintain good relationships of their own you get to know in the back of your mind and deep in your soul that you are responsible for what molded that child. Whether you admit it or not, you WILL know. You will not be able to fix this; it will not work out, smooth over, or ever be okay. Even if you look like the Cleavers on the surface it is under there bubbling and will come out. Dont think you are special and you will escape this result.

Maybe right now you are in a place where you are in deep denial about the children and you dont give a crap about the BW. Let me appeal to your sense of selfishness then and tell you what you personally are going to suffer in the years to come

You are marrying a cheater. Someone who didnt like what they had at home so they went looking for something better. Or maybe you offered him something better? It doesnt really matter who started it, who lied more, it doesnt even really matter if you were tricked into a relationship not knowing he was married at first. Your consequences will be the same. You now have a spouse who gave up one family and chose you and yours. Feels great right? Think again. How long do you think it will take before you stop feeling like a prize?

The minute things go wrong, and face it, in all marriages there are these times, he is going to be looking at you and wondering if you were worth it. And you will feel it. Even if he doesnt say it right out. He is going to realize that this marriage requires just as much work as the old one did and you are not nearly as perfect in real life as he thought you were and he is going to be angry for what he has sacrificed for you. Now you get to be insecure and feel like you are always fighting to be worth it to him.

You are going to be labeled as the [censored] for the entire rest of your life. No matter what changes or personal revelations you come to, you will be the [censored] that wrecked a home and stole a husband. There will be innumerable family conflicts over this. You are likely to have his kids hating your guts forever. This means that every holiday, school concert, soccer game, big family event like graduations and weddings, and grandkids (yes, it will last that far and long) will be sources of conflict instead of happy times.

You will probably not be invited to a lot of things that your spouse should be attending with his children. You may show up anyway, asserting your position as the new wife. But it will be a conflict. You spouse will have to over and over choose between you and his original family. He is going to resent you for this. You are going to get so tired of constantly being the center of conflict and so tired of all the hate directed at you and no one is going to sympathize with you. When you do impose yourself where the BW and her children and extended family and friends are you will feel the scarlet letter that you wear burning in your chest no matter how high you try to hold your head. I promise you, you will. You and your stolen spouse will fight over this more than you can imagine in the years to come.

And guess what?! When he starts to pull away from you and works late more, or isnt insatiable in bed with you anymore, or cuts his hair a new way you are going to be terrified. You are going to be terrified because you know exactly what he might be doing next. You are going to be suspicious probably before he actually even does anything because you already know he is untrustworthy.

Chances are he is going to cheat again too. Except this time on you. Now, you get to feel the pain of being a BW doubled by the pain of realizing exactly what you did to someone else. The guilt and shame on top of your already devastating pain from being cheated on will be unbearable. Now listen to this closely NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE!! You are going to hear and know that you should have known better and have the old adages about cheaters thrown in your face over and over. You will not be able to come somewhere like these boards for support because they are going to crucify you! You will be all alone with your pain and your heartache with no one to blame but yourself.

Do not think you are special. DO NOT THINK IT WONTHAPPEN TO YOU!!!!!!!!!! The stats are overwhelmingly high. No one gets married thinking that their spouse will cheat. No one. I promise you are not different or better somehow.

Occasionally an affair partner will grow a conscience and want to be a good person and here is what happens

Now, lets say that you make changes in your heart and your life. Let say you find God or in whatever way it comes to you, you realize that you have done something horrendous. Okay, now you actually do care about those kids and that BW. Well too bad. You cant fix it. Yes, God will forgive you if you repent. Not many others will. And you will have one heck of a time trying to forgive yourself. You will feel sick and ashamed all the time. You will cry many bitter tears.

You will not be able to look at your spouse and feel the same way you once did. All of your memories of when you first met, your first kiss, the early days of your relationship will be tainted. All of those memories that are supposed to be sweet will be sour. You will not be able to enjoy them because you know that whole time it was wrong, wrong, wrong! What are you left with? Not much.

You are going to try to offer apologies, you are going to try to figure out what you can possibly do to make amends and there are going to be no easy answers. You will be told by many that you cant repent and stay married. You will be told by just as many that if God has forgiven you that another divorce would be just another sin. You will make yourself crazy over this because you want to do the right thing for once in your life and you have put yourself in a situation where it is impossible to know what that it.

Also, if you are one of the few who have this attack of conscience at some point down the road, you are still going to be dealing with all the same stuff above that the unremorseful affair partner is dealing with except its probably going to hurt you even more because you now genuinely care. Too bad no one will think you are sincere or trust your words. Why should they, remember what you did?? Of course you do, now go cry some more as if it will help.

There are no time machines people!! You are making a mess bigger than you can ever clean up!!

There is really a lot more I could say about how this is going to play out but this is already getting very long.

Like I said, this is from my perspective but just change the pronouns and it is the same for anyone entering into an adulterous relationship. Man or woman, whether you are the WW, WH, AP, its going to end in ruin.

You have been warned.

And if anyone out there is currently involved in waywardness and wants to ask me something, fire away! I will answer any and everything asked if it will get you to stop what you are doing and reconcile your family before it is too late.

Unfortunately if you are already married to your AP dont bother asking me. I cant help you because I cannot help myself. I live in the ruins of my own creation. You like me should have seen the light sooner. Sorry.

To the BS out there who may read this, I can only hope that knowing that your spouse is not going to be happy and their AP is not going to be happy helps you feel a little bit vindicated. I promise you that even if they look like the picture of happiness on the outside they are not. They have a cancer eating their souls. You can have a better life. They wont.

NewCreation2011


Just stumbled on this today--thank you for having the courage to post this, NewCreation.

My ex-WW was also an "OW who became the new wife" and, even though I have nothing to do with her directly, I still hear things through the grapevine every now and then which confirm the truth of your story.

Should be required reading for every emotionally-addicted WS who is determined to leave his/her marriage for a "greener grass soulmate" affair-partner. I doubt many of them will take it to heart but it maybe could help save a few. Thank you again for your honesty and self-awareness.

Last edited by SDCW_man; 12/28/11 01:01 AM.
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bump


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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bump for NoGoodDeed


me: FWW/BW
Married 20 years, 4 kids
We made it.
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Originally Posted By: FindingFreedom
bump for NoGoodDeed


Thanks, read it last night. Given me a lot to think about today. Hard to say I would have taken this to heart 22 years ago though.

Last edited by NoGoodDeed; 09/01/12 04:20 PM.

Me-BH 40
WW 49
DD 14
DD 11
DS 7

Together 22 Years, only relationship I've had.
M 16 Years, my 1st, her 2nd.

The following are my WW with PlanAPrincess' WH
HSSweethearts/Fiance who reconnected on Classmates and FB
EA 9/2009 - 8/2012
PA 8/24/12 D-Day 8/27/12

EA2 HS Acquaintance 12/10-Current
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Bumped just for the hell of it.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Your story brought me to tears because I know theres a chance for this to happen to my WW. Hopefully through prayer and self reflection she will eventually see that myself and her can work out our marriage even though I'm filing for divorce and commit to making it better than before without an affair. Her OM has an ex wife and 3 kids and a fianc/baby mother with 1 and 3 more I recently found out about. I pray that she doesn't end up trap like you are in a marriage to a habitual liar/cheater and realize what she needs is right under her nose.

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I just found this post today and even though I knew this, it just made me feel better seeing it in writing. Thank you.


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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Hi Newcreation,
Great post!! Well done. I am a BW, but have no children. Do you think my WH and the OW will eventually feel this type of guilt even though my husband and I have no children? I have practically been destroyed over my husband leaving me for the other woman. Will they both ever really care about what they did? He was with her for a little over a year before he left 8 months ago. So this summer will be two years since they have been seeing each other. Over a year sneaking around and 8 months out in the open. People tell me about their Facebook postings and say they write stuff to each other that teenagers would write. He and I were married 18 years and were together 21 years.

Last edited by Barbie631; 06/12/13 03:33 PM.
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Originally Posted By: Barbie631
Hi Newcreation,
Great post!! Well done.


More admiring praise for a wayward who came here and lied to us.
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2633819#Post2633819


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Well, I'm knew so I didn't know.

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Does anyone care if I print this off and change BW to BH and so forth? Would like to have this ready for my husband to read when he gets served and his stuff is on the porch.


~Just keep swimming~
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I'm sure the OP wouldn't mind, Cherry, but keep in mind: you can't educate a wayward. Something might get through the fog, but it's more likely he'll read a sentence or two and then throw it away.

Have you written a Plan B letter for him?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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I have. I feel like it is full of hurt and deception though, and I feel like it does need more love? After all I do love him still... i just dont want to see him anymore or be near him.


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Originally Posted By: Barbie631
Hi Newcreation,
Great post!! Well done. I am a BW, but have no children. Do you think my WH and the OW will eventually feel this type of guilt even though my husband and I have no children? I have practically been destroyed over my husband leaving me for the other woman. Will they both ever really care about what they did? He was with her for a little over a year before he left 8 months ago. So this summer will be two years since they have been seeing each other. Over a year sneaking around and 8 months out in the open. People tell me about their Facebook postings and say they write stuff to each other that teenagers would write. He and I were married 18 years and were together 21 years.


Who cares what they think? They aren't going to say or think anything worth hearing.

I don't know if you're in Plan B, Barbie but the best cure for your situation is a Plan B approach.

Tell all your nearest and dearest that you won't hear any gossip about the waywards. It is needlessly distressing for you and no longer your business.

Put your fingers in your ears and sing loud if you have to. I did and it worked.

Once there is no possibilty of you hearing it, everyone gets bored.

The soulmate shmoopies lose their audience and only have each other to contend with.

And that's when the boredom kicks in for the 'us against the world' soulmates.

Plus you have better things to occupy yourself. Paint your toenails.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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smile


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted By: indiegirl
smile


We misses you! crybaby


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Bump, because why not?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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