Personally, I disagree with most of this post in reference to my sitch. This is me and the men in my life know who I am. I did not give my WH or other men in my life a mixed message. As Indie referenced, by exposing I gave a very clear message. Support me. Support my WH. And support my marriage. By following Plan A and Plan B, how is there any confusion over the message? End the affair. Commit to the marriage. If not, I can not have contact with WH due to the hurt his affair is causing me.

I interpret protection differently, as I do not equate it with fixing or implying a woman can't handle her own stuff. I believe protection is a man showing honour and respect for the woman, showing rightousness. Most often by REINFORCING the message I am already giving. I will not apologise for having an expectation that the men closest to me will offer me some protection if projected in a postive way (not violence!). I don't understand why a mature woman should not want a man to be there emotionally AND to offer protection. Why must they be mutually exclusive? In fact, I see them as complimenting the other. I know not all women see it this way, but it is my view and one I have always held. I want to be supported by protection from men. I am not embarrassed by that.

Okay, men are from mars and women are from venus discussion is hopefully over (I never did read that book by the way). And I will reign in my generalisations, especially the Aussie men comment!

Back to business, there is just too much good information here for IM's to pass up on!!! As my IM often follows my thread, lap it up Yoda!

Thanks for the offer Scotland, I'll let her know. She has probably already read this, if so, remind me Yoda! And if she is reading this, she has been BRILLIANT.

Exactly, this has worried me. Even during exposure I felt that there was some buying into the "oh, well if you don't love her anymore it is perfectly okay to screw someone else". My Yoda is wiser than this, but it HAS to be hard.

Guilty as charged CP! But I am also starting to think schoolbus and Scotty have it right, silence IS the best response to dumb. My hesitation with this is in your quote below...

My thoughts exactly. I am learning through all of this that some people take turning the other cheek to mean condoning. I don't want that.

So Scotland, did you respond to the WS? And if so, what was your message? This is what I wondered... should IM ignore all of the fogbabble, and reiterate what she will pass on as this is the only pertinent information. Just so WH is aware that messages are not getting through? Or should it just not matter?

Yoda and I will ensure we tighten up so in future I don't even know if he is spinning crap (I already don't know what crap he is spinning). I just want her to be able to have a method in dealing with WH and as CP says, not have WH venting or spinning it to her in case he takes her silence as approval. I am also curious as you never know what is around the corner, and I would volunteer to act as an IM IRL for a friend in need in time to come.

Thanks CP.

YKW?
The IM does need to simply say to blah blah stuff...

"I am not passing that to BS. I only pass pertinent facts regarding finances and children (when there are any)"

I am not going to get into specifics of what I had to deal with as it would be unfair to the BS in question(and don't you go trying to guess either BS). All I will say is that I had to get help from a vet to deal with some ramblings, and then it was taken care of. I am now offering the same to your IM. It's easier to do off of your thread, so you don't know what is going on behind the scenes. K?

But yes, as reading suggested, you as an IM would reiterate that only pertinent info is getting passed onto the BS.

Thanks reading.

Oops, I didn't think about BS possibly following this! Apologies to the BS and to you Scotty, I don't want to mess up a good Plan B and someone's recovery!

Geez, a big dumping of hurt...

Got home from Christmas shopping, was starting to finally find my festive spirit. Looked at my parent's Christmas card display.

Some of WH's family have sent my parents a Christmas card. A SIL and her husband and boys sent a card, along with the husband's parent's (SIL's in-laws). On both cards there is no mention of me. Instead, they have probably all still sent WH the card, replacing my name for Horse Ho's. It is like I never happened, like I don't exist.

Aaah, it hurts.

And this was the SIL who said to me prior to D Day but after separation that "you'll always be my sister".

I haven't heard from her since I visited shortly after D Day and before Plan B.

Unfortunately blood is thicker than water most of the time. Hugs.

Back to work today.

Christmas Eve was tough. Family friends were around, and for some reason I just kept thinking "I miss my husband, he should be here". I could tell my parents were thinking it as well. Husband used to have a bit of a friendly face off with my father at the BBQ.

I enjoyed my first Christmas back in Australia. Really celebrated that I was surrounded by my family. And with the kids. Prawns and scallops on the BBQ, warm weather (although lightning storms, what is with that?). T-shirts and flip-flops as opposed to coats and boots.

I stole Indie's tradition of the gingerbread house. Thanks Indie, great idea as I had never even heard of this. The kids loved it. And I got to send them home with my brother all hyped on the sugar rush of eating the sweets as they "decorated". Hahahaha, good luck getting them to bed bro!

The firemen outfits also went down a treat. They spent the afternoon hosing each other down (lucky it was hot!) and making auntie call the firemen with many "emergencies". My poor father was not so impressed when the "firemen" had to put the fire out on his just washed car. But it was Christmas, and everyone was in the spirit to indulge. Priceless.

Aaah, accountability to other posters. THANK-YOU!

My Plan B... definitely cracks. Things I had not really thought much of before.

The Christmas cards from WH's family to my parents but ignoring me really triggered me.

I still have quite a lot of WH's family as friends on FB. I rarely use FB so it has not really been an issue. I was actually suprised they did not defriend me. I checked my account and shouldn't have. A SIL is visiting another SIL in my town, and the pictures of my nephews with her on my page was hard. I say MY nephews, but really they aren't anymore. They are WH's nephews.

And lastly I had an email from WH on Christmas Eve. Ummm, yep, I didn't block him on my email. I just didn't think he would ever bother after the first time and I have not worried about this like I did with my phone (I changed that number to stop jumping with hope every time it rang). I thought the first email was just a one off in response to my Plan B letter to cough up his justifications. It is a huge crack in my Plan B.

I did not read it. But I admit I hesitated. I kept it until yesterday, when I contacted my IM (I didn't want to intrude on her Christmas beforehand) and told her to reinforce Plan B with WH. She told me to delete it. STILL I hesitated. And then I re-read my post about promising to be accountable to all of you reading this. I deleted it. Thank you fellow MB posters.

But it doesn't stop me wondering what that email said. Nor does it stop my desire to be there for him as a wife when he wants contact or support. I realise just how stupid that thought is when he has made the choice that he has. But it is still there.

So, let me go get the putty for those cracks...

YAY Caracal. You let that IM of yours know that I am SUPER glad that she helped you delete that email. WOOOHOOO.

Thanks Scotty. I need the cheering today. Suffering with a head cold. I scared my colleagues with my snot fest, so the boss took pity and sent me home early.

A curious thing about the email... it was a reply to my Plan B letter. He has kept it. This is probably to make it easier on the computer illiterate one fingered typist (I think that was AM's description, it stuck!) to email me when I finally decide to be best of friends with him and Horse Ho. Still, I feel reassured to know he has kept my directions if the fog every clears.

And just to show how starved my LB$ is, THAT pitiful fact actually made a deposit. Grrrr! At least I am aware of that, and just how desperate I am. Once divorced, I am going to have to be very very careful with men. Scrap that, I need to be careful now!

Have you puttied up all the possible ways of contact from him?

I know what happened when you got that response. You were happy that he actually tried to break through your PB. You thought that he actually must care.

Thing is, you don't actually know what was in that email. If it was about reconciliation and about abiding by your conditions, he would have sent something through to the IM. It is most likely that he found your IM telling him that she wouldn't send on foggy emails, that he decided to circumvent her, and contact you directly which violates what YOU want. He is still being very selfish and very wayward.

The fact that he kept your PBL is typical. They do. Isn't it great when you realize that the vets were right? It's very humbling.

Focus on plugging up those holes and getting back to your most glorious self.

Aunty's privilege! I sooo love this.







Considering he hasnt taken the easy-peasy step of agreeing NC, I can tell you! (Don't worry, this translation of his email doesnt really affect your Plan B, I dont think)

My dearest Fog,

Babble babble. Fog fog fog fog. Oh Woe is Meeeeeeeeee! Such fog babble, as I can babble as I have never babbled before. Fogginess. Total Fogginess. Babblebabblebabble.
Wahhhhhhhhhhhhmbulance.

With fog, and babble.

your

Fogbabble.

P.S. babble.

I so get what you mean about accountability too. I would have done SO MANY BAD THINGS without the certainty of getting an [censored] kicking for it on here!

P.S. I vote for a wayward nickname. He is not your hubby until he agrees NC. He is a wayward and speaks only babble.

Scotty and Indie are right on btw

He knows the right path, and he wanted to go around the IM

They all think they are such playas

Indiegirl - Our new fog translator, better than Google!

Blocking him on email. There are still cracks though. Home phone or using another email address. I can't really stop this, just do the best I can. Even changing my email address... we have some mutual friends who could forward it. I've gotten a bit paranoid about just who I can trust with the mutual friends... still being very careful about what I say to who.

Pitiful ain't it? The hope that leaps up... I know logically that he has done nothing to SHOW me he cares. Like, I don't know, stop cheating on me!!! I want actions... not some crappy email. So zip, zero, zilch from me WH.

Um, more humble pie for me...

I'll second that, once I wipe up the morning coffee I just choked on. Thanks Indie!