CV,

You did read my entire post, right? Just checking...

I really admire your honesty mark. Sure, most of us betrayed think about it... not many of us say it. You open yourself up for the feedback, and with this you will continue to grow.

Just remember you almost got pulled in by a trolling married woman. You are still very vulnerable. Be VERY aware of this.

Caracal,
Thanks for the compliment. I guess a part of who I have become is someone who is no longer willing to hide what I really feel (one of my faults during my marriage). I've learned that I actually feel better to expressing myself as opposed to masking and hiding it.

You're welcome Mark. Yep, learning and growing as a person. Accepting responsibility for your own faults. Using the sad circumstances and MB to make positive changes in yourself. MB success.

I had a thought and I wanted to run it by you all...

So my WxW has requested a meeting to give me "closure". Obviously, I declined. She has also expressed a desire to return to our marital church. In the conversation with the pastor regarding her return, he stated he would with her and inform her that her return was contingent upon her willingness to give up the life she's living and express remorse and repentance before the church.

Since they are going to meet anyway, I had a thought a thought of writing a letter and letting him read it to her. In it, my thought is not to bash her or anything but essentially it will be a plan b letter in a modified manner.

In the letter, I will reiterate the conditions of my plan b. Since we are now divorced, I want to tell her that I realized I couldn't keep her caged in if she wanted to be free, but her freedom did come with a cost and that was losing me.

I haven't totally thought out the letter and the above ideas are all "off the cuff".
What do you all think?

Do you still want her back if your conditions are met?

I like the idea of a third party reading it to her. Makes it more difficult for her to spin (to herself) the real reason for the divorce.

I honestly say I would willingly take her back IF the conditions are met but having been on MB as long as I have, you probably already know what those conditions are.

True remorse and repentance evidenced by actions like totally ending all communications with her lover or lovers (whatever the case may be), total transparency, counselling, agreeing to follow MB plan for recovery, etc.

It was just something I thought about doing. Would love to hear more thoughts....

In that case, I would do it. It won't hurt to remind her that there is a way back 'home' if she is willing to take the proper steps.

I, personally would not write a letter for the pastor to read.
The Plan B letter was given. Though the D is final, it still stands there as a testiment to your willingness to rebuild, D or no D.
She won't hear the message given and heed it any better than the one you have given.
It comes across as trying to beat sense into her and she has much work to do to ever get her sense back.
If she ever IS repentant and wants to rebuild, nothing on the planet would stop her from inquiring about the status of your willingness then.

Release even more control Mark. Turn away from the mess and move in another direction. One where you are protected from the pain she creates.

You will know if she ever is ready to get seriously back with you. I believe that.

I did. Just wanted to make sure it was out there. It's true that most of us have had this cross our minds after being betrayed. You were honest enough to share it.

Thanks.

CV

I came into a little cash so today I did a huge wardrobe Makeover. I hadn't bought anything for myself in over a year so I did it today. BIG TIME!

You could go straight to Goodwill or somewhere, itemize the clothes you're getting rid of, and get a nice tax deduction.

That's a great idea. mark, you've got 1 day left to do this. If you can pack everything up and get it to Goodwill tomorrow, you can write it off on this year's tax return.

Itemized deductions have never helped me much.

No mortgage?

Due to divorce, its in foreclosure.

You could send me some... lol...

Money, not clothes!

New year, New you. Good on ya.

I know the old saying is "Clothes dont make the man...". While that may be true, a new attire has done me some good. After work tonight, I got cleaned up and went out to watch some UFC (in some of my new duds, of course) and it felt GREAT!

Yay, me!!!!

Lesner got owned. Again...

I'll take dream MMA anyday!

CV