No I am working on everything that are way out of my comfort zone.. IMO its not the way I want to. I have done all that he asks. I have found a polygraph-er but it's two hours away, I am making an appointment next week.

You mention I'd do anything to save face but honestly I figured when he found out he would have kicked me out so I made a plan in my head of people to stay with and even thought of returning to my mothers. Since he hasn't fully decided It's hard cause you don't know which to put all your eggs. I kept thinking, leave, stay, leave, stay, since he goes back and forth. But some posters have wrote give him lots of hugs and be there, so I have been trying it even when he is hurt, cold, mean, upset, and happy. I have decided to put all my eggs in the basket to make him happy, even if it means my basket gets turned.

removed


AM

[font:Impact]A) Change cell phone number and give password & account access to your spouse.
B) Change email account.
C) Eliminate all social networking accounts (i.e., Face book, Classmates, My Space, etc.)
D) Take a polygraph
E) Make a copy of my vehicle keys and any other keys my spouse does not have and give to them (i.e., safe deposit boxes, business keys, storage cabinets/lockers, etc.)
F) List out passwords for all business and personal computer logins, and any other passwords my spouse does not have access to.
G) Give my spouse access to any banking/financial accounts, business and personal.
H) Install software that tracks all internet use, giving my spouse administrative access.
I) Install a webcam/security cameras for while at work that my spouse can access.
J) I will contact an attorney that will work on my spouse�s behalf and write a post-nuptial agreement.
K) Sell the house/purchase a new one.
L) Sell any vehicle AP was in and replace them.[font:Impact]

-My husband can access my phone at any time, Changing the # has been discussed but hasn't been an issue yet.
-We share an email address, and I don't use any others, and if I had he knows the password.
-I had used FB haven't been on there we agreed that I would delete everyone but family. I haven't done so because I spend all of my time with husband, and not computer.
-making an appointment
-no need we share all of these items
-ditto
-I know he an use history and he may have other methods. not sure
-not possible, work in manufac shop
-not necessary, he and I both know I wouldn't take a thing from him.
-just did that
-no need

Senn,

Your husband is in a trauma mode, he is gravely injured and is just limping through existence, trying to put on the appearance of normalcy. He really has no clue about where you're at in this marriage. He really has no clue about what you should or shouldn't do regarding this letter that YOU WANT to send. He is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And he's expecting it everytime you begin a conversation with him.

And unless your husband asked you to write this apology letter to the BS, you ARE doing things the way YOU want to....

In other words you have NO extraordinary precautions and are just here talking smack. You havent done the first thing. Nothing. Just a lot of empty talk.

What about working in a manufacturing shop full of MEN on an opposite shift from your husband? When and where is that change taking place? And how about admitting that you are addicted to chasing men no matter where or how?

So your list is a WASTE unless it includes changing your job and lifestyle so you can't chase men. That means you get a job where you are surrounded by hens and can't pursue your favorite pastime.

Also, that was really cute that you answered that you got a new house. Did you screw the OM in your house? Did you sell THAT house?


That is because your goal is to chase c*ck and ours is to help you recover your marriage. So of course these things are pointless to someone who has no intention of changing and has no interest in saving her marriage. You have got away with talking bullcrap ["oh so sorry!! I will read Surviving an Affair!! Lets move on!"] and fiddling around the edges for 15 years and this time your bullcrap is not working for you.

We are hoping at some point you actually get serious. Have seen no sign of that at all.

In my opinion, your H should divorce you because this is a lost cause. There is nothing here to save. Nothing...

I wrote the EP thread you've just quoted from....

I beleive you've missed the point of EP's and Just Compensation completely.

I'm heading out right now but I'd love it if you really read my EP thread and the links provided in the thread and in the mean time I'll try to post back to you again in the next day or so....

Three weeks and she has not done a single, solitary thing. Nothing.

~It's great to hear that you think I am and our M is a lost cause. I don't understand why you think I am not serious. Have you been here in person, called or message to ask what is going on or seen something here, or are you just observing the posts? Do you think as a psychologist your responses are getting to a root of a problem or are you spatting your opinion based of other WS?

Are your posts not reflective of what you are and aren't doing? People are asking you questions and you either don't take the time to answer them, or you insult them.

MelodyLane has seen COUNTLESS of waywards come here. She has done her best to help them, when they showed the willingness to help themselves.

When you get angry about what someone posts, why don't you look at YOURSELF to figure out why that is.

And it is extremely insulting to posters that you find their posts useless(because that's pretty much what you are saying).

Lose the holier than though attitude you have and learn from these people who are actively trying to help you save your marriage. If someone says that you aren't doing something, it's because you AREN'T. If you think that you ARE, then post about it, in a NON-argumentative way.

You had multiple affairs, what makes you think that you are safe for your BH? See, that's what we want for HIM. WE want HIM to be safe, and if that means he needs to let go of you until you show the willingness to become that for him, most of us would advise him to stay away from you.

It's not great for your husband that you are a lost cause. But you are. Three weeks and still no plan, no nothing. More fogbabble and defensive bullcrap. One does not need to be a "psychologist" and be there "in person" to see you have no plan and are not serious. A five year old can see that.

Why don't you quit talking smack and start making a REAL PLAN to save your marriage?

Where is your plan to leave your job and arrange your life so you aren't on an opposite shifts from your husband?

You cant even talk a good game, sipawife


Allow me to translate.



MBers En mass - observing YOUR posts (you know, the ones YOU wrote - We see nothing.)
Show us the money!

Hi All,
Haven't been posting much lately, still trying to get a clear head and I felt that posting kept bringing me down. Feeling a lot better now.

I thought I would chime in here. I want to apologize for my WW, who did insult you all. This is one of the many things she needs to change about her, and I do believe she is working on this, though much slower than you all would like.

In her defense on the timing of the NC letter, I (despite your advice) did not want the letter sent prior to OM leaving my work. I was concerned it could create issues between OM and I, and that could impact our working relationship. I also had several thousand dollars worth items at OM's house ( I know that shouldn't be important, but it was to me) and was concerned I would never get those items back if things turned more south than they already were. OM's last day at work was yesterday, and I retrieved my things from his house last night. So, now it is time for NC letter.

Melody, You are correct my wife has been inflicted with the ME-ME-ME disease all her life. She plays the woe-is-me card way to much, as you can see in her posts.

She is starting to come around. She has acknowledged and accepted the fact that she has many issues, and is actually working on them. She has stopped pushing blame on everyone else and has accepted responsibility for what she did. You can see some of that in her apology letter, she did toss in maybe a little excuse or blame. Had she wrote that 3 weeks ago you would have seen how it was all my fault, OM W's fault, and OM's fault. She is coming around and I have seen some big changes.

I have stopped trying to fix this, and have put it back on her. I did not create this mess and told her she needs to step up and help me through it, and show me that she wants this marriage. I believe that is a better and more deserving approach.

As for a plan, she nor I understand what you mean by that. I do understand your concern about her work. That is not something she can up and quit, nor is it something we can change directly, it will take time. I think that is something we need to decide on when we both know for sure our marriage is actually going to survive. It is also a financial issue as there aren't many good paying jobs in the area.

This is so very interesting to see you post this to someone who has been bending over backwards to help you, while you roll along your merry way, ignoring the hard questions that will make you a better person.

It's especially interesting that Susie hasn't told you to pound salt, and has moved on to help posters who will actually act on her advice. That's very patient of her. I'll have to try to be more like her.

Susie's a busy person who makes time to help people. You've never heard that the busy people are the ones who get things done? It's a truism.

Do you REALLY want to post this?

Hi senn, she needs to decide on a plan to affair proof your marriage NOW. Not later. The fact that she has done absolutely nothing in 3 weeks time reveals that she is not serious. Her cocky attitude indicates a lack of remorse. She is in the habit of saying she is "sorry" after one of her affairs and then moving on with no actual work or repentence. She is miffed and surprised that is not working for her now.

Her snottiness to other posters is a reflection of her lack of seriousness and more importantly, a complete and utter lack of remorse. She is not in the least sorry, she is only sorry she got caught and sorry she has to bother with this. That attitude means you are not safe with her. It is only a matter of time before she is in another affair.

It takes no time at all to become WILLING and there is no sign of that here. SHE should be on here asking what she should do, and instead she is on here making excuses, talking smack and insulting posters.

She needs to back up her talk with a plan of action that STARTS by eliminating the greatest threat to your marriage, her JOB and her night shift work. She needs to get another job that is only with women and is on the day shift. That should be STEP ONE.

Why isn't she on here asking what to do, Senn? I will tell you why. She doesn't care. As far as I am concerned, she is a lost cause. A woman who refuses to take any real steps to change after having 6-7-8 affairs is dangerous. She is dangerous to you and to your children.

And I think she knows you won't do anything about this. She has done nothing to change and it is only a matter of time before her next affair. Why would she believe you would ever do anything about it? She has never suffered any consequences in the past. She believes, rightly, that she can continue to live a life chasing c*ck and get away with it.

She has no reason to change.

By the way, did you ever expose her affair to the repair shop guy's wife?

senn, let me put this another way. Having no plan is a plan to FAIL. There is no plan here other than her desire to sweep this all under the rug again. You can see where that has led.

The PLAN we refer to means making a plan to affair proof your marriage so this doesnt happen again. But we have explained to her and she just ignores it.

She doesn't "have time" for that.

You are a BS who listens to what is said, instead of watching what is done.

If she came up to you tomorrow and said she accepted responsibility for being a robot - does that make her a robot?

And get back on to your own thread.

You cant apologise for your wife any more than you can put your arms and legs into hers, work her like a puppet and make her act with more repentance.

I have more to say, but I'll say it on your thread.

And stop reading each others' threads, too. Work on your own side of the fence.

I'm sorry that I portray myself as "snottiness" but I find it a defense mechanism. It is easier to attack when feeling attacked.
Obviously the job change isn't feebleness at this time and IMO lets move on to another issue.

The past A's are the past and we have moved on, dealing with the recent one. The stress I had made me greedy I guess. I want to learn from it and be a better person.
Your words hurt and make me feel like I am a waste of a life! I know what I did was wrong and hurt so many. I know that you will never understand and it's easy for you to point a finger and spat "woe is me". How easy for you to judge when you have not spent time in my shoes. (Thank God) I really do want to work on me, us and M.

Its getting really difficult to stay polite.