Thread replaced at member's request.

Thanks JustUss

I guess I'm ready for an update........

For those of you not keeping track, I filed for D coming up on two years ago, had our waste of time mediation a year ago, then went to discovery, that drug out for ever and finally got traction when my lawyer filed with the court to force it.

It was when I finally got the WW's stuff that I saw that she was onto my thread and so that's why I had it pull awhile back.

And to my WW if your reading now enjoy, you pride yourself on always growing and improving yourself and I can think of no better place than this site for you.

OK.....back me. The STBEXWW and I after splitting everything 50/50 came to an agreement on alimony that I have to pay her. so no deposition, no day in court.

My lawyer said that if both sides were pissed about what they got that it was probably fair, I would have to add "in the court's eyes".

I now expect that we will appear in court on Jan 9th and nod to the judge and that will be it. Then I will be in go mode getting the farm ready to sale by spring and complete the division of assets.

Emotionally, I have alot going on in my head, at times I excited that this chapter in my life is finally coming to a close. As I writing this the STBEXWW was just getting ramped up with the 1st A that I found out about 4 years ago (might have been 5years) what ever it is it has been a long road. When I think back to that first discovery and how devastated I was, and how thankful I am to be pasted that pain now. I now go weeks at a time not speaking to the WW, and am better for it. I would like to think I will be able to handle having occasional contact with her as necessary for the kids, and family issues. I know I am willing to go into a real plan-B if necessary so I'll be playing that by ear for the time being.

I spend alot of my energy worrying over the finances, sale of the farm and how that will go. I no I shouldn't worry I should just do the actions necessary to make it all happen. Right now I'm in a cash flow crunch with spring tuition due in a month or so and don't want to borrow anymore if I can help it.

Anyway enough rambling for now, I've got plenty of details that I'll think of to share later.

T-Minus 39 days and counting

I'm both happy and sad for you. It's sad to see a long marriage end, but it's wonderful to be out of a bad marriage and moving toward a better life.

Kirby,

Thanks for checking in,

Got one more tidbit, my lawyer says if we can get our act together and get the settlement hammered out might be able to put it before the judge by the end of December.

Sure be nice to have this behind me, looks like I'm getting close

Check with your tax advisor to see if you want to file jointly for 2011 or not. Some people put off the divorce until January because they can save some money that way.

I thought of something else you need to consider. Even if your kids are "adults" if they are still full-time students they are considered dependents on your taxes. You need to put something in your marital dissolution agreement about who gets to claim the kids.

Thanks
I've got a draft going had not thought to add the kids, deduction to it. I'll ask my accountant about the tax thing Monday

Hey SC

Good to see you back up and running again. Got a little worried when I saw your thread gone.

From what you say looks like the end is near for you soon. Good to hear. You have been at it a long time.

Got the house sold in Oct in my sitch. Good and bad. I just wanted out and to be done. Probably could have gotten more $$ if I would have hung on. Just didn't want to stay in her playground. Hope your market is good when yours is ready.

Have been in Plan B with WW and only come out when something legal needs to be done. I think the legals are over now. I keep my R with my children between me and the kids now since they are both adults. Don't want to be drug into any of her drama she calls "life". Kind of peaceful in the 2 bedroom 2 cat apartment.

Is your WW still at the house?

Hope to see you around more in the future.

nESRE

Nesre,
Good to hear from you. I've been wondering how things have worked out for you. Sounds like your divorcing as well. The last I read on your thread I got the impression you were hanging in there still but the WW wasn't behaving. I know you have gone the extra mile and then some with her.


I would have never thought I would have wanted space from my wife. Use to pine to get home to her and the family. Now I look forward to not seeing her or speaking to her. I'm sure that your better for being in your Plan-B. I hope you can continue to find peace in it.

We are still in the house together but I do my best to find excuses to run away, and find I'm better for it.
I'm in the final countdown. 33 days and counting. But that will not be the end. We still have to sale the major assets and I expect that if the farm doesn't sale by May we will auction it. We will be working together to get the farm and house ready to sale so I'll be in continual contact with the WW for the next few months. This will be a change for me because it will force me to work with the WW more than I have in the past 2 years.

But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's getting brighter !!!!

My first attempt at a video post hope it works

Merry Christmas !!!!!!!

Here, I embedded it for you. That dog is pitiful in an adorable kind of way.

Thanks Kirby,

Time for a quick update

I went to my lawyer's office today for a little post Christmas cheer. A quick $400 dollars later we were close to reading thru the WW's settlement proposal. I think it should come together by Jan 9, (FREEDOM DAY). So that's 13 days and counting !!!!!!! I am excited to finally be putting this now 4 year nightmare (since 1st D-day) behind me.

My best bud keeps telling me I'm where I should be emotionally and I lean heavily on that, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and it hasn't yet. Part of it may be that we are in the same house together, and even though we live separate lives I'm sure I still get some comfort knowing where she is.

We have a plan for her to move out of the house around March 1st, or before if the renters we have in our old farm house move out earlier. Mean time we begin rehabbing our house to get it ready for sale. I plan to stay in the "big house" probably until it sales if we can find a way to stage it with me living here.

The WW has been cooperative, not to much to complain about except she still is talking to the POS. I got to thinking about that a little today and it drug me down. Even as I write this I can see that the bad times I have are less frequent and not as deep as in the past. I don't ever second guess the decision to D. I know it was the only option left for me.

Had a pity party at the Christmas eve service, my twin DDs are home from school, they have sided with their mother on the atheist thing. I would not be to worried over a college kid questioning their faith but with the WW encouraging them every step of the way it worries me. Anyway I'm at the service, sitting in the pew that my family used to occupy every Sunday, and I was very lonely. I hated my girls not being willing to tag along with their dad. I'm trying not to put to much pressure on them,and I didn't want to beg. I managed not to cry to much during the service.

OK, "enough of that", as my brother would say. I've got a confession to make. I went on match.com to have a look see, I didn't want a profile on line but as I answered the questions I had to the next thing I knew I had a profile up on line. Now before you knock me out I haven't paid anything yet so I can't respond to anybody even if I wanted to. I promise I want pay up until after the 9th.

Not to sure if I'll do it then either, it was pretty scary looking at that site, given I haven't touched another woman in over 30 years, I'm more than just a little apprehensive. The one thing I'm sure of is I'm still screwed up in the head and it will probably take a couple of years to untangle things. It would be nice if God would drop that girl in my lap and I wouldn't have to go find her.

SC congrats on the 9th

4years of trying to pull a mule gets anyone a medal.
holiday time sucks any way you slice it, it just ain't the same..

Cheers for u man.

In my opinion, it's not a big deal to go on Match to look--as long as you're not doing anything more than looking. I did that a long time before my divorce was final. I didn't put up a picture and I've never paid any money even though I am now free. I decided that until I was sure I was ready to date that I wouldn't join any kind of dating website, but I wanted to look at what's out there. After my youngest child turns 18 (in 2 1/2 years) I'll go looking for a man, but I'm hoping that God will drop one in my lap before then, too. Whatever you do, you need to wait until you're no longer living with your WXW, and it would be better if you've been separated for a year before you begin to date. I know that sounds like a long time, but you need to experience all the holidays, birthdays, etc. on your own. If you can't learn to be alone, you will be tempted to fill that empty space with just anybody, instead of the right somebody.

If you're hoping that God will give you your next wife, you also need to stop thinking about finding a woman and concentrate on following God. Get more involved with your church. Find a good sunday school class. Join a men's prayer group. Instead of looking for a good woman, work on being a good man.

You know, SC, I've seen pictures of you and I know what you do for a living. You're a tall, attractive man with a good income. You seem to have a zest for life. You won't have any problems finding another wife.

Kirby ,

Thanks for the input, I'm always looking for a way to justify my actions, I guess we all do to some extent. In that vane I've been hardly spending anytime at home and when I'm there I do my best to find something to do that keeps me away from the WW as much as possible. All though I'm no where close to a true Plan-B I am keeping my distance, and have been since I filed going on two years ago.

I know I'm not ready for a committed relationship, I see that still years off if ever. I've got a trust issue that I know will loom over me for years to come. I do think I would like to put my toe in the water and try some social dating, really looking for some company to start with.

"What's her face" should be out of the house in a couple of months and in the mean time I'll be working hard to get our house ready to sale.

Emotionally, as I look back to where I was 4 years ago after the 1st D-date, I know I've come light years from that. It in someways seams like a life time ago, and as pain full as the 2nd D-date was, I was still callous from the 1st one, and was not as deeply effected. So now as years of my life have been devoted to saving this dead marriage, I am anxious to have a girl look at me, smile and enjoy my company.

For me, I am more worried about Christmas than any other holiday. I have spent a few of them away from home and always hated it. Now that the kids have flown the coop, it's a little easier than it would have been if they sill lived at home. I had multiple offers from friends to spend Christmas with them this past Christmas, nice to know I've got options.

I've kept my wedding ring on, have been planning my "Big event" in court to hand it to the EX as I walk out, reality is she may not even be there. After wearing it for 29 years, it has worn a grove into my finger that will take months to wear off. I don't know if I wait until I can't tell it was there before I start dating or not.... it at least gives me something to think about.

It's hard to not get excited about moving on, especially when my WW left the marriage 4 years ago and hardly looked back. I feel like I've waited long enough.

-not sure what exactly you mean here, SC. I can say that I thought trust was going to be an issue when I started dating. Then, after I started getting to know NG I realized it really wasn't the problem I thought it would be. I found it much easier to trust someone who is honest and open and trust-worthy. My bs meter was up for sure; but that doesn't mean you can't trust.

Now, keep in mind what Dr. Harley says about TRUST in LT relationships/marriage. A reasonable ability is what you're looking for - I would expect it will be there with the right person.


opt

Opt, that is so encouraging. My WXH lied to me about so many things for so long that I have wondered if I will be able to trust another man.

I feared the same thing Kirby. My WXH lied to me too...heck he still lies for no apparent reason!, but I now realize that not all men are like that...my dh is very O&H and I cherish that in him. And I trust him. (not to the foolish extent, but I do trust him like I feared I never would be able to)

I think I've got a genuine fear that is imbedded in me now on the trust issue. I had a woman that I had absolute trust in for 25 years blow that right out of the water, and I'm still falling from that blast. Thing is I thought I had chosen well, now as I second guess every decision I made to marry her in the 1st place, I see warning signs that were there.

Dr' H's opinion that we not completely trust our spouses I understand but never would have thought it would be necessary for a healthy marriage. I was of the opposite opinion that blind trust was essential, and I remember the guilt I felt when I first suspected my WW.

Guess we all learn new things, just wish I had figured that one out along time ago. Mean time I'll be holding my cards close to my chest.........

Kirby and I both had long term marriages too SC. I never did blindly trust, BUT MBs taught me how to be smart about snooping and that is when it all fell together for me. Which ended in divorce, but at least I know what my life is now.