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I may tell FIL but only because I feel she is also using him as a source of money and it could cut that out for her. Uh....call him right now?? Just a thought... 
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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The issue here is I didn't tell her aunt or her dad Tell them already. Thanks Pepper.... I might call her Dad but only because I feel she is using him for money and it could take that away from her. But I can't process her not being concerned about her own children. sorry if that's how she feels I am done with her. And I know my kids have already asked me why I would want to give her anymore chances anyway. And I said because I love her, and my oldest said well it doesn't appear she cares. Tell them already ..... BECAUSE IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. You cannot control the outcome. All you can do is complete your PLANS completely and to the best of your ability. Tell them already even if you think it won't help WW see the error of her ways.
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[her I fail to see how talking to her Aunt is going to be what takes her away from OM So you have the vision, clarity of thought and experience in saving marriages to dismiss the opinions of others - WHO HAVE SAVED THEIR MARRIAGES - because you "fail to see?" Do you have that kind of vision? I see the opportunities, and you fail to see them. Who has a successful track and who doesn't? Hi Mel, fair point. I do agree that your opinion is valuable and you have seen this work. My confusion is that I don't see how two family members that are really not in touch with her will have a bigger impact than her own kids, and the others I have told. Maybe I am just frustrated with this and with her. but I don't get that.... none of this has been easy for me to process.
Me: 46
Wife: 44
Married 24 years
Kids: 4
PA began about 2 years ago.
D-Day: August 2011
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Please, I beg of you...
Expose already, if you want ANY chance of salvaging your marriage and your family.
Expose.
We don't even speak with our parents, havene't for years...
All it took was one aunt, one uncle, letting work know, and contacting OM's family ...
It worked.
Last edited by helpfordad; 01/03/12 02:48 PM.
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Giraffe, call the Aunt TOO. Ask her to call your wife and use her influence to persuade her to end this affair. You need EVERY FAMILY MEMBER TO CALL HER TODAY. Your sons, her father, her mother, friends.
Stop just doing a little exposure so you can say you checked the box.
Don't do another trickle exposure. GO LARGE OR GO HOME!!
Where does the OM work?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hi Mel, fair point. I do agree that your opinion is valuable and you have seen this work. My confusion is that I don't see how two family members that are really not in touch with her will have a bigger impact than her own kids, and the others I have told. Maybe I am just frustrated with this and with her. but I don't get that.... none of this has been easy for me to process. I truly don't care what you can "see." You are BLIND. I care what I can see.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML, I'm in South Carolina and I can actually see the steam coming out of your ears in Texas!
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I wondered what that smoke plume was all about.
ML knows what she is talking about here!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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The issue here is I didn't tell her aunt or her dad Tell them already. Thanks Pepper.... I might call her Dad but only because I feel she is using him for money and it could take that away from her. But I can't process her not being concerned about her own children. sorry if that's how she feels I am done with her. And I know my kids have already asked me why I would want to give her anymore chances anyway. And I said because I love her, and my oldest said well it doesn't appear she cares. Tell them already ..... BECAUSE IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. You cannot control the outcome. All you can do is complete your PLANS completely and to the best of your ability. Tell them already even if you think it won't help WW see the error of her ways. I certainly can't deny that I should at least call her Dad. It is the RIGHT thingg to do! I agree.
Me: 46
Wife: 44
Married 24 years
Kids: 4
PA began about 2 years ago.
D-Day: August 2011
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[
I certainly can't deny that I should at least call her Dad. It is the RIGHT thingg to do! I agree. Why would you do the LEAST when it will take the MOST?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You need to expose to the kids too. Its their family too. You have no idea what positive results shame can produce. Tell the kids, then tell her you told the kids. Tell her they deserve to know why their parents are splitting up. But you do what you think is right. How long did you say she has stayed? 2 weeks. Also you are so incredibly "beta male". "Oh what ever you think, but I don't think its a good idea to move out after only two weeks. Dude, right now, you are a cuckold. If your self respect can handle that, so be it.
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[her I fail to see how talking to her Aunt is going to be what takes her away from OM So you have the vision, clarity of thought and experience in saving marriages to dismiss the opinions of others - WHO HAVE SAVED THEIR MARRIAGES - because you "fail to see?" Do you have that kind of vision? I see the opportunities, and you fail to see them. Who has a successful track and who doesn't? Hi Mel, fair point. I do agree that your opinion is valuable and you have seen this work. My confusion is that I don't see how two family members that are really not in touch with her will have a bigger impact than her own kids, and the others I have told. Maybe I am just frustrated with this and with her. but I don't get that.... none of this has been easy for me to process. Everyone who can be effective must be exposed to. It sounds to me like you just don't want to bother with trying to contact them.
Contact them! Expose to them! I may tell FIL but only because I feel she is also using him as a source of money and it could cut that out for her. But again, as for the exposure, if any of them have a bigger impact than her own children then how much does she really care about me or her boys anyway? Stop analysing and expose. Exposure must be from ALL sides. The wayward does not care about anyone target in particular. Not even the kids. They do care however about being under attack from all sides and having nowhere to turn. If he is a source of money that is an excellent exposure target. DO IT - Waywards are enormously selfish. If you dont understand the wayward mind - listen to those who do.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 01/03/12 08:09 PM. Reason: TOS posting non-MB material and disrupting thread
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My confusion is that I don't see how two family members that are really not in touch with her will have a bigger impact than her own kids, and the others I have told. Maybe I am just frustrated with this and with her. but I don't get that.... none of this has been easy for me to process. You don't know who will be influential on WW. Stop trying to foresee the outcome of an exposure that you can't even get rolling. Giraffe, you have balked and stalled at every point in this whole thing. When are you going to stop arguing and take action??? Are you waiting for OM to move in???
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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And what's your story Edd? It's pretty rude for you to slam members who have lived through this AND recovered by using Dr. Harley's plans as outlined. It was "common" sense that got some of us into the messes we find/found ourselves. Do you understand the purpose of exposure? /TJ
Last edited by Fireproof; 01/03/12 08:10 PM. Reason: removing quote
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Last edited by Fireproof; 01/03/12 08:10 PM. Reason: removing quote
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Which MB tenet is that based on!
Last edited by Fireproof; 01/03/12 08:11 PM. Reason: removing quote
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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A warning to posters to stick to Marriage Builders concepts or refrain from posting. Familiarize yourself with MB concepts before posting and don't disrupt this thread!
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