The day after Xmas I was shocked to find evidence of my WW of 21yrs had hooked up with an old friend in September and had been carrying out the A since that time.

Five years ago nearly to the day, I discovered the first one. OP was has someone she just met on a trip out of state, but lingered for a long time and I had a hard time getting over it.

This time will be different because I am taking charge this time a d just searching for some encouragement. I exposed to WW sister who confronted her, and she got was that she just didn't love me anymore.

I told her she had to break off contact with OM, and she said she wouldn't or couldn't. He lives out of state,but in the same city where her parents spend the winter. Months ago she said she wanted to go see her parents, so she is leaving tomorrow and did not deny she would see him while she was there.

Through this site, and my WW sister, I have gained tje fortitude to implement exposure tomorrow as soon as she is on the plane. First call goes to her parents to let them know the real reason she's visiting. Then brother and sis in law. Brother in law actually knows the guy and will be disgusted he's tearing apart our family. Then this weekend while she's still away, i will be visiting our closest friends.

Please send any ideas because I want to make sure I get it right this time!

me..BS 47
WW 46
19, 15 boys

Please carefully read the thread in my signature and come back and ask questions. It will give you best practices for the most effective exposure. Welcome to Marriage Builders, sorry you are here.

Who is the OM? Is he married? Does he have a facebook page? If he has a facebook page, please go there right now and copy and paste all his contacts into a WORD doc.

First of all, kudos to you for having the guts to expose. MANY BHs around here hem and haw and just don't want to expose.

If you use FB to expose (as some people do) be sure to space messages out 1 minute apart to avoid being shut down for sending too many messages too fast.

One year has become five quickly, and one of her many excuses is that I'm not the happy go lucky guy she fell in love with. Funny how a devastating thing like the A sucks the fun out of ya.

For five years it seems I've been living in fear of a reaccurrance, and voila!

I did have a severe panic attack and sought medical attention and am settled down on mess now. She couldn't understand why I had uncontrollable shaking and the dry heaves.

As she wass packing tonight, she just said let be calm and we'll start fresh with my psych when she gets home. Oh yeah, I'll just do that while you're down seeing OM. Gotta make the call to her mom first thing in the morning and getting very anxious.

Melody.......many many thanks! I have been reading that for a week and has given me strength! He does not have a FB account anymore. Actually several months ago WW came to me accusing me of deleting it and that he was JUST an old friend. That made me go hmmmmm!

It would arouse my suspicion too!

Dollars to donuts she was using FB to stay in contact with him...

Thing is I hoped you made that call. BUT, and again BUT why did you post that here?

When the fisrt thing you should have done is picked up the phone then and told WW parents, then come here and tell us that you took care of business.

I took care of business today!! WW parents are outa state, time zone, and had to wait for WW to be gone. I needed support from WW sister and thank god for her. Today may have been the roughest day of my life. Experts, please tell me again I did what was best, even when I know in my heart that it was.

TLA,

Exposure is, 99% of the time, the best thing to do. What exactly did you tell them? Did you expose on FB too?

Hang in there, there's probably going to be a tidal wave of anger coming your way when she finds out.

What did WW's parents say?

CV

I read and reread exposure 101 a hundred times. I told them that I was worried for WW and our marriage. That I loved and cared for her more than anything and asked them to use their influence to reevaluate what she was doing. That my heart had been ripped out and that I'm wanting to repair our marriage. WW mother was heartbroken and they would do all possible.

Same for phone call to WW brother, sis-in-law, my brother and fam. They ask me what she's thinking, and can't give them answer....just have them ask WW

Couldn't reach OM but left him a message to call me.....still waiting and not holding my breath.

Called OM brother and informed him. Asked him to make his brother see the light......21yrs of marriage, kids, and lots of lives at stake.

No FB....spent all day with immediate family which is large and I'm ready to collapse physically and mentally. Glad WW won't be back for a few days.....more work ahead of me tomorrow!

Good job, tla!! Will these people call your WW and put pressure on her? Its real important that they know the affair has been exposed so hopefully all these people are calling her and wrekcing her romantic weekend!

Also, can you get ahold of the OM's parents and speak to them too? That will RUIN any future plans your wife has because she will be too embarrassed to go there.

Yes.....WW is actually staying with her parents in az.....so they will have lots of soul searching time and hopefully bring her out of her fantasy. Same for WW brother.....said he'd call her......he's a no nonsense guy and was floored.....said he'd do whatever it would take.

I've got good people in my corner, which is obviously the correct one for any sane person to be in!

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"
Edmund Burke

Five years ago I did nothing....not this time!

Has she called you up screaming yet? That is curious that she has not called you yet.

No....and the silence is deafening. If and when she calls.....besides her being furious....what advice can you give me?

Just expect it and you won't be disappointed!

Don't argue, don't educate, don't explain, don't justify. Just say to WW: why are you mad all I did was tell the truth. Then change the subject, how's the weather.

As it's been said here many times, the madder she gets right now, the better. Fury = Direct hit on her little "lurve" fantasy. (I think that was Mel's creation, but can't be sure)

Hang in there brother. Her little "magic carpet ride" is getting ready to impact your resolve and love. No contest

She would do better running face first into the side of a mountain.

If she rages at you, say one of two things:

"I am fighting for our marriage."

or

"Would you like a potato chip?"

You are doing awesome!

CV

I suspect that if she arrived to parents who have just found out the truth and they are on your side and devastated, she may have her hands full right now.

CV