When I go to court should I make a statement to not wear my wedding ring? I was advised not to take a lawyer for my child support case to save myself some money because of what I'll be receiving. It is just an equation here in the state of PA to determine how much I will receive. Still not sure what is going on but my lawyer has been doing this longer than my husband's and usually he represents males so he is going to know the steps they are going to take before they take them in th divorce case. I have explained to him what my decisions are to try to save this marriage and he told me I was very mature for my age and had a good head on my shoulders. So it was nice to hear from someone much older than me.

I truly do feel like my marriage has come to an end but I don't want to throw in the towel and have my H wake up in six months and realize he has been an idiot. I am just afraid of what I might miss out on by waiting for what seems the impossible. I'm hurting bad tonight and I just want it to stop and I know there is nothing that I can do. I know that if I walk away it will hurt just as bad.

Plan B to be launched on Jan 10th I don't want it to start until after my child support hearing because I am afraid that I won't be able to keep myself composed through all of this. Is that a good idea to wait so long?

Do you think you will be able to handle a few days without PB? As long as you can emotionally handle it, it should be okay.

Are you fully prepared for it?

I don't really feel emotionally ready for plan B but one gir I work with who told me about this site told me I sound prepared. So that will have to be enough.

Ok upon reading some other threads I've realized how my situation must be played. I'm wondering though should I try to find a way to let OW know that not even 2 weeks after her parents and family made her leave town that WH slept with me. I'm not sure how I could do this because she will just go to him and he will deny it I'm sure. Any real ideas I want her to see he hasn't been faithful or truthful to her either. I'm sitting in the parking lot getting ready to go onto work and a car that looks just like her's is here. She used to work here so she might be speaking with the managers about something. I'm sick to my stomach about all of this.

Composing myself then going into work.

Ok so something wrong with our one car. The one H was driving. He needed to have a car for work so he went out and bought one. Not sure where he got the money but that is not my problem. He came home to switch the insurance Out of my name and into his alone but they were closed today. I just got a text from him. He slipped on some ice and he thinks his car is totaled. He was with the OW in the car. I called to make sure he was safe with no concern toward her. I obviously have to talk to him over the next few days to get this all resolved maybe get the other car fixed and figure out insurance and child support. Plan B launch date may end up later than planned but who am I to dictate God's plan? Any ideas on how to handle this gracefully other than to look like a total knockout every time I have to see him.

Turns out it was OW that was driving WH car because he had been drinking. Funny how karma can bite you in the butt. He told me he would never let her drive his car when he dropped off our son. I know he is a better driver than her and had he been driving this prob would have been less likely to happen. He was not drunk but had been drinking and prob wouldn't have passed a breathalyzer. I'm hoping this turns into a love buster for them. He hasn't even had the car for a whole week. Way to go OW way to go.

WH demeanor has completely changed and he says that he has been thinking a lot. I said some stuff to him over Christmas. His mother told me that he told his brother and step father that ppl were telling him I couldn't forgive him and I made sure he knew I could.

I told him today I am sorry for what he is going through and I truly do want to help him but that I can't as long as he is with her. I think he is starting to double think what is going on. I looked great yesterday and didn't bring up any relationship stuff except what little had to be said. I bought a few small things for myself yesterday. I've lost quite a bit of weight on the cheating husband diet and I do Zumba once a week. I'm sure WH has noticed it's a good thirty pounds I've lost. I've always been over weight but I can fit into everything that I could when we first started dating 5 years ago. Plus rumor has it OW has been gaining. I hope she gains every pound I lose.

I'm going to stop telling my WH that I love him but I am going to continue showing him that I do in little ways. I can't go to plan B until all of this stuff is taken care of with the car. I'm dropping him from my insurance as soon as all this goes through. It won't effect me because the car was in his name and we had joint insurance. I am not going to mention any relationship stuff and I'm not answering him quickly when he was calling I mean other than with this stuff because it has my name on it and I want it taken care of the right way to protect myself.

So when are you going to be able to go into Plan B and why do you need to wait until everything was taken care of with the car? What plan are you in exactly?

Are you letting WH talk to you about OW? That shouldn't be happening. You shouldn't be allowing your husband to talk to you about his OW. That is a boundary that you should enforce. Also, you can tell him things like, "I will not accept a marriage where you are committing adultery, would you like a cookie?" Stand up for yourself and your marriage.

I'm waiting just a bit longer for plan B launch because I want to know everything that is going on with the car and I still have to finalize things with my IM. I am showing my WH much love and kindness and I think my plan B letter will shock him. I've been praying a lot and asking God for guidance I think that is why all of this is happening the way it is.

I need to completely finalize my plans and I will set my launch date. I want to make sure there will be no reason that I will HAVE to see WH before I launch and we both have to be in court on Monday that is the only reason I'm waiting a bit. I already have very little contact with him but he has no idea what I am planning.

Ok went to court. Spent some time doing some fun stuff with WH. He wants to give me more money than the court said. I almost want to ask why can't you care so much to just come home to your family. I know I need to do plan B but I want to show him that home IS a happy place first.

I guess it just really bothers me because I know OW and she really is POSOW. I think the thing that hurts the most is I KNOW she doesn't really care for him in the way I do. If she did she wouldn't always be at the bar when she is off and he is working. That is what hurts the most knowing what a selfish B she really is and knowing first hand the kind of skankho she is. She really was proud of the fact that everyone called her a whore when we worked together. She has some serious need for attention but she looks for it in all the wrong places.

I guess that is enough ranting about her she disgusts me. Although when she stopped to get some papers she needed from my work (which my GM graciously lost lol). I was ever so kind to her. I know I scared her I was outside when she left and said bye nicely she BOLTED to her car. Yes I have told her she is wrong but I was about her only friend in our workplace but that obviously meant nothing. Killing with kindness is my game and I want her to feel guilt. Ok for real now I'm done.

Ok I'm really confused. So from a mutual friend that I no longer talk to I have heard OW is sick of WH not wanting her to go out drinking all the time. Knowing this should I still go into plan B because I am afraid that it might push him away if things really may end. I feel like he changed for her and he's starting to realize that he misses his home. Although he says he doesn't like being at the house. He told me before it was cause it is where his family is and he ruined that.

I want to get SAA and have it read before I go to plan B if I really have to in the end. I want to make sure I know and understand it all fully. My book should be in any day.

Any suggestions til then?

Get prepared for Plan B. Plan B is the best thing for you to do, and putting it off won't help you, or your marriage.

You are going to want to be your strongest that you possibly can be when your WH decides that he wants to stay in your marriage. Plan B can help with that.

Yes, you absolutely should still go into Plan B.

I am a terrible planner and a great procrastinator. I guess I am just afraid of plan B because I am already pretty much in it. The hardest thing for me is going to be not hearing what is going on because of the people that I work with that sometimes speak to OW. I'm hurting now because someone told me that if WH would ask her to choose between him and partying she would go with partying and that kills me because I know how much I care. I am taking time formyself though I do Zumba once a week and am starting to do it twice a week this week. I have lost a decent amount of weight between that and eating right so why not go for more. I am also tanning because my dr said it should help my skin something I said I would never do in my life but I think it does help my mood so more power. I am doing these things for myself and still hoping that WH will see the light of day but deep down I think that he does not want to face himself and that is what is keeping him away. I do love him and that is what hurts but he is willingly choosing not to be a major part in his son's life and that is killing me also. I guess that is all I have to say.

I have been reading your thread Scotty and I am praying to find the strength you have shown. Thank you.

I have tried I can't do this. I am not some great warrior and I'm not able to keep myself in tact I can't handle divorce I can't even handle seperation or no contact for what it's worth I feel like nothing but a failure in all that I have done in my life. The only thing I feel like I can do right is love my son and love my wayward even as he tears my heart out. I guess I'm afraid that if I don't feel pain I won't feel anything at all and that is horrifying to me.