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Perhaps there will be an edit ?????? So welcoming here. LOL No, I take comfort in the knowledge that statements such as "You are very cruel, manipulative, and dangerous" completely contradict everything ever said to me in person, with the exception of a very narcissistic ex. I'm not a bad person. I am a flawed human who made a huge mistake. One I will pay for ... forever. And it still won't be the worst thing that ever happened to me.
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What's going on NOW and what was happening THEN are completely different. I have a hard time respecting judgmental, name-calling people. We can see why you wouldn't like people who can judge right from wrong. You have not changed a bit since your last marriage. Same game, same rodeo.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I regret my choice to engage in sexting and the pain it has caused. A grown woman, a wife, a mother to children ..... why the hell would you subjugate yourself to the humiliation of something so stupid and juvenile as sexting? This is not filling your marriage's "unmet needs" . This is irrational and impulsive behavior. Is something else going on?
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Do you drink alcohol?
Last edited by Pepperband; 01/11/12 12:49 PM.
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Not much. The sexting? Because it made me feel attractive. Something I was missing. I have a lot of friends younger than me. I know there must be some sort of rule against that too, but it's true.
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mfal, the derogatory way you keep referring to "rules" intrigues me. I don't make any rules for your life, nor does this forum. Do you just not like rules in general?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I cannot believe the level of disrespect you are displaying towards your husband. You seem to think it's ok to flirt with other man. Yes, it's fine, WHEN YOU ARE SINGLE!! You have no business flirting with every Tom, Paul and Harry when you promised love, respect and loyalty to your husband when you married him. That just testifies to you having very, very poor boundaries indeed.
Your continued lying about your EA is another act of total disrespect; your husband now knows that you are sexually and mentally attracted to someone else, he even was spot on in identifying OM, yet you continue to deceive him.
And you wonder why he's not having sex with you? The poor guy is not feeling safe and secure around you!
You need to put the poor ole me act on the shelf and start showing some humility. Listen to the vets here, start being honest and face the consequences of YOUR actions.
Last edited by Maryse; 01/11/12 12:59 PM. Reason: a name in a regular UK turn of phrase was censored...
Me, BS, 35 J, WS, 33 12 years together, married 2. No kids, just cats D-day 06/30/11 In Plan B
"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
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I'm not a bad person. I am a flawed human who made a huge mistake. You are a very dishonest person who believes you know better than your husband what is good for him. Let's take that one step farther: all these other people inextricably intwined in your relationship with OM that would be hurt by total exposure, you think you know what's best for them, too. You walk though life making summary judgments about what's good for others and what's not. In reality, you are incredibly selfish and control information for this explicit purpose: . . . completely contradict everything ever said to me in person . . . to hide your true character behind your manufactured reputation (props to NeverGuessed for this genius quote). And you have the nerve to call your ex narcissistic. Go take out a loan and buy a clue, mfal.
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The sexting? Because it made me feel attractive. Are you attractive? Are you unattractive? Nothing would make me feel less attractive than sexting. Free porn for a stranger? No thank you.
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What's curious to me is .... WHY do waywards return and post their dilema to MB forums when MB was not implemented the first time they went to the rodeo? They are addicts, of course. Dr H says adultery is analogous to (actually, a type of) addiction. Do you know the mean number of times an alcoholic undergoes treatment? Two. It is more than two for narcotic addicts. It should not be unexpected the average adulterer will show up here more than once. Just reading this one�s excuses, equivocations and rationalizations - she is an addict. Oh, and her H sounds clinically depressed. This one's best hope is to talk to the counseling center in person. eta: sorry - this is growing faster than I can keep up.
Last edited by Aphelion; 01/11/12 01:01 PM.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out And it bites off your snout Thats a moray ~DS
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Yes, Melody is right. You have to cut yourself off from other man friendships or you will remain in the "affair fog".
Physical or not, it is still an affair. You said YOU were the one with the problem around the OP. Well, then you can't allow yourself to be around him EVER again. If I ever see my POSOM again, it will rekindle all the old feelings. This is why I can't even look at his FB page or google or anything. Your body is chemically keeping you in affair fog.
Really think about what you can do to get your husband to respond to you. Have you threatened to leave? After my husband found out about my affair, he said I should have hit him over the head with something to get him to meet my needs. Your husband would prefer a threat of leaving to your affair continuing. It's sad how he's not meeting your needs. I don't believe he's meeting your EA's either. If he was, then all you'd need to do is sleep around to get your SF needs met. See what I mean? I am NOT advising this. I am just trying to make the point that I don't think your husband is meeting a lot of your needs. It's always more complicated than just one need not being met.
You need to figure out how you're going to get your husband to RESPOND to you!
Me: WW41 Hubby: BH40...My Amazing forgiving man (CharpyTest) DD: 8 DS: 8 DD: 6 EA/PA: 3 years May 25, 2011 (Formal NC letter sent)
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What's curious to me is .... WHY do waywards return and post their dilema to MB forums when MB was not implemented the first time they went to the rodeo? They are addicts, of course. Dr H says adultery is analogous to (actually, a type of) addiction. Do you know the mean number of times an alcoholic undergoes treatment? Two. It is more than two for narcotic addicts. It should not be unexpected the average adulterer will show up here more than once. Just reading this one�s excuses, equivocations and rationalizations - she is an addict. Oh, and her H sounds clinically depressed. This one's best hope is to talk to the counseling center in person. She's not addicted to this forum, is she? I'm confused. Again.
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I FLIRT. Always have. I do it with my husband. I do it with him watching. I do it when I'm out with girlfriends. They are friends with my husband and tell him everything. Nothing to hide there. Wow, that is incredibly disrespectful to your H. How embarrassing for him to watch his wife coming on to other men...with everyone else watching also. This must be a huge turn off for him. Exactly. No wonder he doesn't want sex with her.
BH: 46 FWW: 44 3 DD: 20,17,11 Married 24 years PA/EA: 5/08 DDay: 6/08 NC: 8/08 Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08 In Recovery
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mfal, the derogatory way you keep referring to "rules" intrigues me. I don't make any rules for your life, nor does this forum. Do you just not like rules in general? I was referring to the rules other people must have in their lives that I was never privy to ... like, flirting has no place in marriage. I'm sure many of you have rules about porn. I don't. I don't care if he looks. He doesn't care if I look. But I'm pretty sure that someone here will instantly say that neither of us should ever look at porn again, because that's in their rule book. I am married to an incredibly amazing man. Friends of ours see it. They see what we have. They see the way he looks at me. I can easily say that I'm a very happy person, very content with where I am in life. I want for one thing. And I want it from him. And for everyone that thinks I'm a lucky woman, there are just as many who know that he's a lucky man. I am not without my faults, but I have a few good qualities as well. We are perfect together. On the outside, no one would know what is missing. I know what's missing. And I want it back.
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She's flirting to get her husbands attention.
And I agree that it sounds as if her husband is clinically depressed.
Me: WW41 Hubby: BH40...My Amazing forgiving man (CharpyTest) DD: 8 DS: 8 DD: 6 EA/PA: 3 years May 25, 2011 (Formal NC letter sent)
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I have a lot of friends younger than me. I know there must be some sort of rule against that too, but it's true. Are you aware of how ridiculous you sound? Friends of all ages are fantastic. I have friends in their 80's and friends in their 20's. I sext none of my friends. Such behavior is too humiliating and self-derogatory for any self-respecting woman.
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Are you seriously saying that you DON'T see a connection between you watching porn and thinking about sex all the time?
And you DON'T see the connection between your husband watching porn and loosing interest in being intimate with you?
Seriously take 10 seconds to thing about it, the connection should hit home soon......
Anything???
BW 36(Me) WS 38 Married: 2000 DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014 PA Duration September 08 - November 08 Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Thanks to those who tried to help, but I don't see any kind of cure being offered for the underlying symptoms. People whose needs are being met don't cheat. That's what I heard. mfal, did you see my suggestion that you talk to Dr. Harley, personally, for help, and how you can do so? I saw your post that both of you flirt openly with other people, and have since the beginning of your marriage and before. Really, what you guys have is a form of open marriage. Not sexually open, but pushing the boundaries and open to the meeting of other intimate emotional needs. And probably open to some forms of sexual need meeting that don't go "too far." You guys really do need professional help from the best, probably more help than this forum can offer, and I strongly suggest that you talk to Dr. Harley himself. If Dr. Harley can help people put together a plan to fix an open marriage (and he has done this!), then he can help you guys in yours. mfal, I repeat my suggestion that you need more help than this forum can offer alone, and I encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity to talk to Dr. Harley for free.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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She's flirting to get her husbands attention.
And I agree that it sounds as if her husband is clinically depressed. He's definitely depressed. Again, I've tried getting him to see a doctor AND a psychologist. I have tried and tried. And everyone cheerfully skipped over the part where I mentioned that he flirts too. My girlfriends flirt with him. His female friends flirt with him. I don't have a problem with it because I know he's attractive and I know he's mine. If he has a problem with his friends flirting with me, or me flirting with his friends, or with my female friends (in fun) then he has a responsibility of telling me that. Because in ten years, he hasn't.
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mfal, the derogatory way you keep referring to "rules" intrigues me. I don't make any rules for your life, nor does this forum. Do you just not like rules in general? I was referring to the rules other people must have in their lives that I was never privy to ... like, flirting has no place in marriage. I'm sure many of you have rules about porn. I don't. I don't care if he looks. He doesn't care if I look. But I'm pretty sure that someone here will instantly say that neither of us should ever look at porn again, because that's in their rule book. I am married to an incredibly amazing man. Friends of ours see it. They see what we have. They see the way he looks at me. I can easily say that I'm a very happy person, very content with where I am in life. I want for one thing. And I want it from him. And for everyone that thinks I'm a lucky woman, there are just as many who know that he's a lucky man. I am not without my faults, but I have a few good qualities as well. We are perfect together. On the outside, no one would know what is missing. I know what's missing. And I want it back. Please send your husband here so we can warn him of the impending train wreck of your marriage. He deserves better.
BH: 46 FWW: 44 3 DD: 20,17,11 Married 24 years PA/EA: 5/08 DDay: 6/08 NC: 8/08 Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08 In Recovery
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