Do not leave! You'll give your WW the opportunity to firm up her affair. Yeah, she'll realize that your home is wonderful place to be - without you in it. You don't want that.

Could you and ww take AZ trip together in a few weeks for some intensive ua time?

Message received.......staying put and putting up a fight.

Speaking of......WW started in on me again tonight.......what where thinking? This is between you and me! who else dido you call? Why did you call op brother? On and on.

I calmly continued to tell her I believe in our marriage, I'm not gonna quit, I know it's in your heart somewhere.....that was rough!

Plus the I don't love anymore and alot of other things I can't remember.

Please send your prayers and your thoughts! Thanks you in advance!

Man, this is all typical fogbabble. Ignore it. Just do your best not to laugh at it. This is scripted beyond belief. She'll calm down soon. Just be a broken record right now, like everyone has said before.

I'm doing everything I can to protect my marriage

If you have any more exposures to do, then do them now. Any delay, and then it may come off as vindictive and not helpful in saving your marriage.

Capiche?

Just asked WW want was going on Friday night......said she didn't know.
I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie and she said yeah,we could do that.

I can't the last time we went out to a movie so I'm feeling a little victorious!

I'm gonna keep the course, keep it light, and let her know I'm fighting for us.

She also told me she made an appt with our PhD for Friday.

Baby steps......right my friends!?

You are doing great tla! Just don't pansy down to her. Believe me, she WILL test you on this. She will test you to the Nth degree on your manhood right now, and you have to stand up to it.

DON'T BACK DOWN

We talked about this before....DO NOT let her take control back!!

You are in a good position right now. Be strong and don't blow it by being passive and needy.

Ain't gonna happened......that happened the first time........not this time!

Thanks for the reinforcement!

Plan A pros, please help and let me know if i'm doing the right thing.

Yesterday morning, I set up the coffee pot for ww before I leave, and leave a mug out that I gave her for v-day a few years ago that simply says "i love you"

Also just left her a note in her care today before i left the house knowing she had errands to run saying "you are my soulshine, i love you"

Am I on the right path?? too much?? OK?? Still just maintaining calm and cool and light conversations. Before I leave for work, i tell her i love her, and give her a kiss on the top of her head.

Is it too much or do I need to back it down???
Thanks for all your help!!

I thought baby steps were being made, and then whack!!!!

I did install a keylogger on her computer, and last night she changed the password to OP's name. I'm about read to vomit....again.

Although he doesn't have a facebook page, which is odd, she works from home so i know she's talking to him probably daily on her iphone, which she has a lock on.

Do I continue plan A and let it go for the plan A timeframe, or is this an addressable issue.....with counselor.

Probably don't what to say anything then she would figure out spyware. I'm needed some help today folks!!!

What exactly was the "whack", besides changing her password to the OM's name? I know that hurts like hell, but not overly unexpected. WS's do things like that all the time. Remember, she is still fully engulfed in the fog. It doesn't lift overnight, so don't expect it to.

As far as the iphone is concerned, it has a sim card I believe. Can you get any alone time with it. You could get a sim card reader and download everything you want and need with that, deleted or not.

http://www.brickhousesecurity.com/cellphone-spy-simcardreader.html

Did you have any success reaching the OM's parents or other relatives? Leave no stone uncovered on that one.

Thanks Tiger for setting me straight. I checked the link and said it did not work with iphones, so if anyone knows of a device similiar for iphones, that'd be terrifiic.

I don't know if you read my previous posts about the first 2 days of my plan A

I really like to hear from some folks who have plan A'd and wonder if all of what I have done is in line.

Could've sworn that would work. Look at this one

http://www.proofpronto.com/iphone-recovery-stick.html

Look, everything you've done so far seems good. You HAVE to understand, this is not going to be a quick fix. You are at the beginning of a very long, and emotionally painful, marathon while you are thinking this is a 100 yard dash.

Your wife (at least in her wayward little mind) is in lurve (I love this one Mel) with her AP. Okay? But the truth of the matter is, she's in lurve with the fantasy, the euphoria, the newness, the excitement, the cloak and dagger, etc., etc.

You have put a pretty huge dent in those fantasies with your exposure, which is why everyone has been saying..ATTACK THE OM!! Find out his relatives, mom, dad, send a letter to his dog if you have to. Do whatever it takes!

You have to kill the affair completely first. If you have a need for some help locating people I would be happy to supply you with an email addy where you can contact me and I would be happy to help track down whomever. I'm pretty good at this stuff.

Not sure why I've taken a personal interest in your situation, but I have. So there you go!

Tiger....thx for take a personal interest.....but I've been shaken again.

I knew that she'd see the op while she was there.....but just discovered she was only at her parents one night, and lied to them about where she was going.....which was to meet friends at a conference in tuscon.....they are in phx.....as is op.

I've been plan A-ing since she's been home, even out to a movie last night.
But to know she was with him for a week, and can come back home like nothing happened is scrambling my noodles and raising my blood pressure.

Now I want her to go find someplace else to stay and take the comforts of home away from her.....What's a man to do?

Same thing happened the first time with no uncomfortable consequences!

First thing you need to do is get on the phone and inform her parents, her brother and anyone else you can think of with influence this revelation.

In other words, FULL re-exposure!

and second is change the locks on the doors.

Celtic......I want her here but its obvious she is playing me. I wanted to give all I could to plan A, I feel like she's gotta go somewhere else besides here before I can even start a plan A. I think she needs a big dose of consequences!

Thoughts???

I agree. She made a bold play. The question is how you respond. Will there big bold consequences to her actions? If she comes home and finds a suitcase on the steps and the door locks changed with a note saying "when you are ready to work on our M, call me", she might get a good solid dose of reality.

I'll tell you something else... Mel's said it here in regards to women getting PTSD over waywards and failed prolonged plan a's... It can happen to men too. Affairs are far more traumatic than we realize. Guard your heart and mind in this.

CV

I'm not going to do anything immediately. I'm planning on talking to our PhD, a couple of attorneys, family and friends.

Her brother told me that her mom sed she was there one night, then to tuscon for a conference to see friends. I know her friends that were there, and I need to confirm with them that she was not there.

Once I have all that in place, and have her tell me and the counselor that she's still in contact with other man, that's when I tell her she needs to find somewhere to go until she's ready to be honest, stop the lies, and work on our marriage.

Please everyone, leave me you thoughts

I think it will be difficult to Plan A her if you've made her leave the house.

I also think she's going to look you and your counselor squarely in the eye and lie about her involvement with OM. What is your plan for that possibility?

If you cannot handle having her in the house for some solid Plan A time, you should go to Plan B. Have you read about these plans? Do not go into Plan B without a solid plan. There can be no contact in Plan B. Make sure you're ready for this step before jumping into it.

Look here: Plan A and Plan B