I just wasn't sure of whether you were incredulous that someone suggested the name or the fact that you didn't know.

And I completely agree. Shelob wasn't one of my favorites but a giant spider with some human characteristics was a GREAT idea.

Yesterday I met with a wayward, a very unrepentant one at that� they truly are horrible. I had to sit near this wayward for about four hours whilst supporting my friend (a BW) and her WH (who seems well on his way to earning his F). This OW (also a WW) was cruel and selfish. Although largely my friends and I ignored her, her behaviour continued to escalate� our not acknowledging her infuriated her. Eventually she ended up coming and sitting directly opposite us, making crude comments designed only to hurt my friend. I could not believe that someone who would have an affair with another person�s spouse would then WANT to hurt the betrayed further by gloating about it! I got to see first hand that waywards have no self-control and will do anything to get what they want� in this case for the affair to continue.

I tolerated a fair bit, but could not stand to see this skank continually abusing my friend in this way. I ended up stared her down, my contempt and distaste obvious; she physically repulsed me. I have never seen such desire to hurt an innocent person. Interestingly, she could not maintain eye contact. When we left the building, she was waiting for us outside, and started yelling out more venom, we just kept ignoring her and talking. She jumped in her car with a screech of tyres, yelling out the window at us and even doing a U-turn to come back spewing more venom. Such self-control...

Meanwhile my friend maintained her dignity, and continued to show affection for her WH. Her WH was a rock, only concerned about the impact this was having on his BW. I felt proud of them. I pointed out to the WH (who has now read SAA and treats it like his marriage bible) that he really did affair down. That if his BW truly wanted revenge (and she is not the sort, too classy) she would have let OW have him!

Once I got home, I realised� Gollum is now like that OW. Some part of me wants to rescue him from that, knowing he can be so much better. I feel so sad for who he has become compared to who he once was.

You have, twice. The Plan A rope and Plan B rope were thrown into Gollum's pit and remain there for him to use whenever he wants. You should be proud of what you do every day, because it is respect for your marriage

I know what you mean about waywards. They do make you physically sick and they are everywhere. Where they everywhere before? I never noticed before I was betrayed!

Thanks for the encouragement Indie! But it was truly so ugly to see. And the thinking was so warped. OW even said my friend's WH should "man up" by leaving his kids and BW for her!!!

This comment kind of thunderstruck me. In retrospect, I can see all kinds of filthy, nasty, cheating behavior while being out and about at party's, tailgating at football games,(oh, and even church)etc etc. I just never paid it that much attention...until I was betrayed.

Today, I can spot it a mile away. And some of the conversations I overhear at restaurants, clubs, or even on the deck of a friend's house just make me want to vomit. And I do mean literally.

While being a victim of infidelity hurts to hell and back, it does make you more aware of your surroundings. My infidelity radar is always set on Defcon 5.

Exactly, I can't believe how often the radar is beeping though! Beep, beep, BEEEEP!

Reading here has made me acutely aware of adultery as a whole.

Now if there's a movie plot with adultery, I can't like it. Doesn't matter how good the acting is, I just CAN'T like it...


If I knew any waywards you can bet that I'd expose the affair, too. At least to the betrayed spouse, possibly more.

Yeah the awareness we get from pain is enlightening at the least. People can become so evil and call it good, they are convinced it is good, but by what device?

Reminds me of the scripture, "The human heart is desperatly wicked, who could know it?"

Hmmm, I am having real conscience difficulties at the moment as I agree with this karma. Problem is, in the case of my friend's sitch at the moment, I don't think the OW's BH is fully aware of what is going on. My friend (BW) did contact him to discuss EA, but has since dicovered PA. As friend's WH is now going the legal route (and I may yet be called as a witness) I can't contact the BH to alert him. I don't want to jeoprodise helping my friends but really feel for the BH...

I feel like I am acting as an accomplice to adultery, just as all of our mutual UK friends did for Gollum. Arghhh!!!

Yeah its hard to be the bad guy Caracal

The one with morals who stands up for them

Who do you think a friend would be to these betrayed and lied to people?

What would they do?

Its lonly at the top

But you are in the best company when you count your friends

I understand that a friend would tell the truth, no matter how much it hurts to do so, no matter if it jeoprodises the friendship, as we all have a right to the truth about our relationships and lives. It is the lies that broke me down, rather than the affair itself, especially when Gollum continued to lie after D Day and our mutual friends aided him.

This adds to my guilt about not telling OW's BH... She has likely spun the story of the EA to suit herself, is probably gaslighting him. I know this. Even though I don't know him, I feel awful that I am also acting as an accomplice to the skank's adultery.

Yet if I contact OW's BH... I risk discrediting myself as a potential witness for my friend's WH. He is trying hard to earn the former status and seems to be doing everything he can to get OW out of his life.

I feel very torn about what is right to do...

After thinking it over, I can definitely say that I would expose. Without hesitation.

If I expose the affair and it loses me a friend in the WS, why the heck would I want to stay their friend other than to exert pressure on them to end the affair?

I'd of course try to get some evidence first. You only have to watch those buddy TV shows where guys won't believe their wife's cheating on them, because their friend didn't come to them with any evidence.

A witness to what Caracal? How does the situation stop you making the truh known?

Would it come out in court?

The WH has filed for intervention order against OW. OW is contesting this. If I made any contact and was later questioned as a witness about this in Court, it could look like I was acting on WH or BW�s behalf and undermine their efforts to get rid of this OW who has been stalking the WH.

My friend�s WH really does appear to be doing everything to get rid of the OW� change in mobile numbers and home phone, shut down FB account, giving BW his phone, telling employer about affair so reception does not forward any female callers through to him, etc. Most of his EP�s he has suggested and implemented. He has reported OW to police� I really think he is serious in his efforts.

How long will it take to get this case solved? Have you thought about exposing after that time?

Court date is months away.

I am going to wait and see what my friend (BW) does. She is considering contacting OW's BH herself as she also feels it is the right thing to do. I think it would be better coming from her. I will support her whatever she chooses, and make my own decisions based around that.

Infidelity really is everywhere for me at the moment. I have been asked to speak with a BH who is being seriously gaslit. His mental health is taking a battering and he is in serious denial. I am surrounded by it, but take comfort in providing information and support to others. My concern with intervening in this one though... I think he is the OM in an affairage. Hmmm. I am not sure though. Just rumours. But we all know where they start.

I would encourage her to do it. If fear is stopping her, then that fear is going to continue to torment her until it is done. If she is afraid of his reaction, that is up to him. Whether or not she does the right thing is up to her. Wouldnt she want the same courtesy if he had been the one to find out?

I would say that you can point the BH to MB, and to SAA. You don't need to tell him that you are posting here and what your posting name is, but you need to shore up YOUR boundaries. You could get too involved and fall into an A of your own. Don't say that he isn't your type, you know how the Love Bank works. Anything is possible, that's why we protect ourselves from ALL.

I would encourage your friend(BW) to expose to OWH. It would be the right thing to do.

Same thing happened to me, I know a BH acquaintance. I just pointed him in direction of the site.

Two reasons.

1) Hes not my type at ALL but we BWs in Plan B need higher boundaries than anyone else. NO ONE is meeting our needs and connecting with someone we share the same pain with is highly dangerous.

2) I wouldnt have taken MB advice from a friend or colleague. Its all so counter-intuitive and drastic. I took the advice because of the accreditations of Dr H and the website and the success stories of posters here. So I wouldnt have helped in person, he needed the site. I have no idea if he uses it but thats his call. I had to google this place and I did ok.