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What is the hint? I don't do hints, so tell me!

PL, if you posted that response to me, I wasn't hinting.

I can only tell it to you straight.

I believe his reply to you was tinted with a wee bit of sarcasm...in a positive manner though

Yeah, I know.

Actually, I think it was a blanket comment to both ML and me. It's all good.

I feel like there is something more I should be doing.
With the exception of the vets here pointing out the necessity of leaving your current job - - as a key tool in separating the PL of the past from the PL of the (better) future, as regards "What more can I do?", who, oh who, should you be asking?



The correct response would be: YOUR WIFE!

And the questions is not some weenie version of "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better, Sweetie?", but instead something along the lines of "Please give me three things I can do for you over the next week to make you feel better about me and my new dedication to you and our marriage!"

And then you pose the same question NEXT week!

Seriously, this is NOT rocket science, PL!

Job xfer declined but I'm no longer in support of the office where I'll see OW. If I have to visit them I'll do so after hours. Last night I went into work and cleaned all of my personal belogings out of there, which weren't much. I put my request in writing, explaining to him why I need out of here. An opening is coming up due to a retirement in April, I believe I can fill it and save them going through the interview process.

Maybe for you and your vast experience as a MB consultant it's not rocket science for but some it is. I did ask her what I could do to change but not what I could do to make her feel better. I did. She mentioned a few things around the house. I asked again, putting the stress on "you". This time I got an answer. Today we're going out to lunch, something we've not done in a while. Thursday we're meeting with a realtor to find us a new home. Friday after classes let out we are going to our target town to look at homes and to get a feel for what area we want to start over in.

One of the things she said I could do for her is to take care of myself more and stop beating myself up.

I gave my 30 day notice today. After I asked for my xfer my supervisor called. He told me that when he informed the office of my no longer being their they went up the ladder and complained. They know the person who would be taking over my position and weren't happy with it, as they are lacking in the skills to do this job. I told my supervisor that I had made plans already and that I had to be out of there. He said just to close my door. I told him I'd think on it. I came home, talked it over with the other half then submitted my 30 day notice. I have a lot of vacation time so money won't be so much of an issue. I am going to be using up as much sick time as possible between now and then.

Now to beat the streets and find something else to do.

...it's not rocket science for but some it is.

But...

I did ask her what I could do to change but not what I could do to make her feel better...I asked again, putting the stress on "you". This time I got an answer. 1) Today we're going out to lunch, something we've not done in a while. 2) Thursday we're meeting with a realtor to find us a new home. 3) Friday after classes let out we are going to our target town to look at homes and to get a feel for what area we want to start over in. 4) One of the things she said I could do for her is to take care of myself more and stop beating myself up.

LIFTOFF! We have liftoff!

Good for you, PL! Ask her again, after Friday.

Now THIS is what a truly remorseful WS looks like.

You're doing great!

It's a mixture of remorse and relief. More relief. The wife isn't too pleased with my bailing but I don't think she understands how no contact means NO CONTACT at all.

I need to find a job, if I can find one then I can use my vacation payout to move sooner.

Okay, this is something you don't see everyday. Your BW is upset about YOU (on your own) setting up necessary EP's to ensure no contact with your AP so that she can feel safe.

I've only been on this forum for about 6 months but I haven't seen this one before. Maybe you should introduce her to the MB concepts so that she can have a better understanding of what you are doing and why you are doing it.

I know. I ordered the book from an Amazon seller, I believe they shipped it Pony Express.

She used to be the bread winner but after she lost her job and was more or less blacklisted I took over. Plus there are some other issues there that need to be addressed.

I think you gals/guys for a well needed kick in the butt.

I think you gals/guys for a well needed kick in the butt.

Hey NG, he thinks you need a kick in the butt!
No, no, it was a....
Shut up, blondie! You won the last one!

ROFL...um...wait...thinking...........

chuckles all around

A lack of sleep does that.

Today was my last day at work. I talked to HR, she knew what was going on and asked me to get a note from my doctor. I called my doctor, who know what happened and he said I needed to talk time off due to stress. So, today was it. I have to return to sign paperwork mid February but until then, that's it.

Car is parked out front with a For Sale sign on it now too.

You are doing one helluva job here, PL. I know you're dealing with some intense remorse right now, and it's not going to pass for quite some time. In fact, it may get even worse for a while. But, it will get better with time. I strongly encourage you to stick around this forum (don't abandon ship now brother just because you've done some of the right things), post your thoughts and progress, and let these people help you guide your way back to what you and your wife deserve.

There are some extraordinarily wise people on this board who have been there, done that. They are willing to help.....let them!

And get your wife on the board. She won't regret it either. I promise you this.

The book is out for delivery on UPS. If only UPS would deliver earlier than 7pm.

Leaving the job was the hard part. I didn't say goodbye, I just tossed what few items I had left into my backpack and walked out. HR asked me to turn in a written notice, I'll do that later.

I feel closer to my wife now. We slept apart for a while, now we're in the same bed. Our child seems happier too, as if she knows there is some change going on. Wife has calmed down a bit. But it's still early.

I'm solo today, these are the times when I'm going to get depressed if I allow myself to. Going out for a walk later, then to the gym to sit in the sauna. Tonight I'm meeting with a friend that I used to do work for, her and her hubby are taking me out for dinner. I think they might have a job for me.

I showed wife the board, I'll let her take that step. She isn't too positive about internet boards.

At one point in time I wasn't too positive about broccoli, until I actually tried it. Wanna guess what my favorite veggie is today?

Just a thought.

There are a lot of very wise people on this board that can truly help her heal, get through this, and have a better than ever marriage (regrettably, I'm not one of the wise ones though ) . It's completely anonymous, so what does she have to lose by at least trying?

We understand your wife's negativity about boards.

This IS a good one though. If she comes here to read, tell her we understand and welcome skeptism and hesitancy. We won't sugar coat things though. And.....this place is very supportive of marriage.