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Dr Harley states, that the succes rate of plan B (in bringing the spouses back together) is much less than plan A.
Of course plan B is not only designed to save the marriage, but also to protect the BS of an excruciating experience, namely, trying to win back the WS and being rejected over and over again and having to experience the WS being 'in love' with someone else. Dr Harley does not assess any success rate for Plan B because the purpose is not to reconcile a marriage. It does not save the marriage and he doesn't say that. He has not said that the success rate is less than Plan B. He has not measured the success rate of Plan A, but once stated that we board members would be in a better position to gauge that. I would wager it is about 50%. As far as assessing the reconciliation rate after Plan B, I would have no idea, because many BS's do decide to file for divorce after awhile and drift away. Allthough I have not scientifically studied this, I would assume that In the first couple of months of plan B, there is a fair chance the WS comes back, but the longer it takes, the smaller the chance of reconciliation. I would agree with this assessment. To be honest, I imagine the chances of succes at the end of the two years for spouses who are still in an active affair and not showing any signs of fallout seem very slim.
Well Dr. Harley may have the real data. Dr Harley has stated that chances of reconciliation after 2 years are about nothing and the person should move on.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML,
you have your opinion, and others have there own.I have my own. DO NOT TRY TO PUT ME IN MY PLACE. I dont need the extra stress from YOU. If you dont like something, no need to reply.Period, end of story.Its simple. you and I can go back and forth all day but you replying to what i said is also taking time FROM THE TRAMA WARD.
Are you serious?----It would be like wandering into the trauma ward of the ER and demanding that someone answer a rhetorical - and loaded - question "do statin drugs really decrease heart disease risk?" And expecting the health personnel to drop what they are doing and produce the research on statin drugs. [which can easily be found with a minimum of effort on her own]
ummm.. no. not the same. AGAIN MY OPINION.
YOU act like ONLY what you say is important.( i know you've been here for along time, i get it but damn) I am not here to go back and forth with you. so STOP. AGAIN my opinion is my opinion and i have the right like everyone else on this thread to discuss whatever...
we are not in elem school and you are not the patrol.
anyways stick with the topic and dont reply to this. its gonna get out of control and become spam.
Been married for 13 years Been with him for 14 years.
Have 3 boys (12,8,3)
been going through this nightmare on and off for 2 years!
this OW is # 4 :*(
WH is still with the OW after 9 months
Filed for divorce Aug 2011 Separated since april 2011
divorce not final yet.
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ML,
you have your opinion, and others have there own.I have my own. DO NOT TRY TO PUT ME IN MY PLACE. I dont need the extra stress from YOU. If you dont like something, no need to reply.Period, end of story.Its simple. you and I can go back and forth all day but you replying to what i said is also taking time FROM THE TRAMA WARD. Yes, you are right that I have my own opinion and I will express it how I see fit. Thank you for your opinion!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML,
and i must say yes!!! and thank you for yours~!!!
YAY!! we agree to disagree!!!
Been married for 13 years Been with him for 14 years.
Have 3 boys (12,8,3)
been going through this nightmare on and off for 2 years!
this OW is # 4 :*(
WH is still with the OW after 9 months
Filed for divorce Aug 2011 Separated since april 2011
divorce not final yet.
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Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
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Lost, I resent the fact that you ate having a go Around with Mel... Since I've tried to focus on using MB material and lingo, and focusing on the posting spouse and not the absent spouse, all I have gotten is pleasant agreement. So aggravating! (I need a popcorn smiley) 
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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HOLDHERHAND,
What? lol dont tell me you are staritng with me too?
I am not here to go back and forth with ANYONE. I am STRESSED as is.
I've read mel's posting on recent and and some old postings as well. I see she stirs.. many ppl have the same feeling they get from her.. i dont know. I am just here to learn and talk to some ppl that can relate to me. I am a newbie here so im still learning all the lingo etc.
anyways this is TRAMA WARD so lets stay on track and not talk about unimprtant things.
Been married for 13 years Been with him for 14 years.
Have 3 boys (12,8,3)
been going through this nightmare on and off for 2 years!
this OW is # 4 :*(
WH is still with the OW after 9 months
Filed for divorce Aug 2011 Separated since april 2011
divorce not final yet.
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I've read mel's posting on recent and and some old postings as well. I see she stirs.. many ppl have the same feeling they get from her.. i dont know. I am just here to learn and talk to some ppl that can relate to me. I am a newbie here so im still learning all the lingo etc.
anyways this is TRAMA WARD so lets stay on track and not talk about unimprtant things. Looks like you need to follow your own advice and stop trying to stir up trouble, dear. I have read your posts and see that you have been here for a grand total of ONE WEEK and you sure do feel free to impose your own will on others.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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anyways this is TRAMA WARD so lets stay on track and not talk about unimprtant things. p.s. we are not in the trauma ward anymore, the mods moved this thread from the SAA forum to the OT forum. And I do so hope you take your own advice!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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HOLDHERHAND,
What? lol dont tell me you are staritng with me too?
I am not here to go back and forth with ANYONE. I am STRESSED as is.
I've read mel's posting on recent and and some old postings as well. I see she stirs.. many ppl have the same feeling they get from her.. i dont know. I am just here to learn and talk to some ppl that can relate to me. I am a newbie here so im still learning all the lingo etc.
anyways this is TRAMA WARD so lets stay on track and not talk about unimprtant things. T-r-a-u-m-a. But, no... I don't wanna argue with you. I wanna argue with Mel and you are stealing my thunder... And I just... Can't... Seem... To get Mel's goat! (she got the joke, though)
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Joined: Apr 2001
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HOLDHERHAND,
What? lol dont tell me you are staritng with me too?
I am not here to go back and forth with ANYONE. I am STRESSED as is.
I've read mel's posting on recent and and some old postings as well. I see she stirs.. many ppl have the same feeling they get from her.. i dont know. I am just here to learn and talk to some ppl that can relate to me. I am a newbie here so im still learning all the lingo etc.
anyways this is TRAMA WARD so lets stay on track and not talk about unimprtant things. T-r-a-u-m-a. But, no... I don't wanna argue with you. I wanna argue with Mel and you are stealing my thunder... And I just... Can't... Seem... To get Mel's goat! (she got the joke, though) Jealousy is an ugly green monster! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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YUP A WHOLE WEEK! lol i see you've been here for a very long time.. so you WIN! so get off my thread.you are stressing me out mafia power! hahahahahahahaha 
Been married for 13 years Been with him for 14 years.
Have 3 boys (12,8,3)
been going through this nightmare on and off for 2 years!
this OW is # 4 :*(
WH is still with the OW after 9 months
Filed for divorce Aug 2011 Separated since april 2011
divorce not final yet.
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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YUP A WHOLE WEEK! lol i see you've been here for a very long time.. so you WIN! so get off my thread.you are stressing me out mafia power! hahahahahahahaha 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'll bet you are in your 50's lol
If you dont like something i am posting simply mind your own.
Jealous of what?? you? I dare you to post a pic of yourself. hahahaha just kidding.
I dont wanna keep doing this with you SO STOP as soon as you get whatever out of your system.
:P
Last edited by lost79; 01/22/12 01:13 AM.
Been married for 13 years Been with him for 14 years.
Have 3 boys (12,8,3)
been going through this nightmare on and off for 2 years!
this OW is # 4 :*(
WH is still with the OW after 9 months
Filed for divorce Aug 2011 Separated since april 2011
divorce not final yet.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Since I've tried to focus on using MB material and lingo, and focusing on the posting spouse and not the absent spouse, all I have gotten is pleasant agreement. Man, you have been knocking them out of the park lately!! You not only are posting the MB material but you are STRATEGIC and insightful. A couple of your posts this week blew me away. I was PROUD for you!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Very christian like. lol what a joke.
Been married for 13 years Been with him for 14 years.
Have 3 boys (12,8,3)
been going through this nightmare on and off for 2 years!
this OW is # 4 :*(
WH is still with the OW after 9 months
Filed for divorce Aug 2011 Separated since april 2011
divorce not final yet.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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A little too much alcoholic beverages tonight, lost79?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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yea, that's it!! old fool~! too much texas size steak tonight?!?! bahahahahahahahahahaha you are way too old for this, feel free to stop~! like i said you win. you run this thread/ MB. You are going to create HATERS for meee  darn. whats your book called again???
Last edited by lost79; 01/22/12 01:19 AM.
Been married for 13 years Been with him for 14 years.
Have 3 boys (12,8,3)
been going through this nightmare on and off for 2 years!
this OW is # 4 :*(
WH is still with the OW after 9 months
Filed for divorce Aug 2011 Separated since april 2011
divorce not final yet.
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Posts: 1,428
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Um, marriage builders lost? NOT personal attacks!
Lost, I wonder if the reason you are defensive about this topic and Mel's comments is due to you being resistant to Plan B for your sitch. Correct me if I'm wrong, but sometimes it helps to think about the reasons behind our reactions. I know at times reading responses to my thread, the ones that hurt the most are the ones that ring true.
MB is great for not always being told what we want to hear. We would never learn and grow that way.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Back on topic...
I read this thread when it was in SAA and I am glad it was moved. I know I would have struggled to enter Plan B if I had seen this beforehand, and I needed Plan B.
I haven't responded until now because even five months into Plan B and committed to my personal recovery, I still hope to recover my marriage. And this thread hits home that I likely will not. I know that anyway, but am not yet ready to move on without my WH. Move forward yes. But not on.
For anyone that this thread may be deterring them from Plan B, there ARE successful marriage recovery stories for long-term Plan B'ers. Queenie was one. Lil Doggie another... I am trying to come up with other names, but don't want to post incorrectly as some of the threads I read a while back. Anyone got others?
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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