Beautiful,simple, to the point Plan Aing.

You did carrot and stick. Let's see what she does.

Just be sure to schedule that poly. Many waywards will throw some crumbs to the BS, then swear on a stack of bibles that they have *finally* told the whole truth in hopes you will not follow through with it.

You're doing great!

I've already been on your WW's thread and told her that she needs to commit to doing a polygraph for your safety. Insist upon it.

Are you actually inferring she may be lying still and hopeful that Bricks will fall for it? Blasphemy! That could NEVER happen!

Cough, cough...Bricks? Make sure you schedule that poly and follow through with it. If she's serious about this, then it won't be a problem. You'll get your answers and have at least some peace of mind. If she bails, well then....

You have your answer there as well

Oh, btw, I whole heartedly agree with everyone else that has said this. You've performed admirably. Well done!

GREAT WORK BRICKS.

WE'll help deal with your WW, you take care of your side of things.

You did a great job, just don't let up now.

Great job. Stay strong.

ITA. I would have gone through the phone if the OW had called me with her whiny little words of apology.

Thanks everyone for the encouraging words (also thanks to the kind moderator who combined my two threads).

Last night I wrote a message through my wife�s FB page to the other BS and left my email and phone #, she immediately called me. I briefly spoke to her, then she wanted to speak to my wife. She understandably blasted my wife for about 5-10 minutes. Apparently this guy cheated on his BS before and even had a kid with his previous affair partner. I then spoke to her after, she thanked me for letting her know. She was unaware of what was going on and was not the person who sent the incriminating picture to me. She was very angry with my wife but I could hear the sadness in her voice when she was speaking to me. I felt really bad for her.

The call shook my wife up, to directly hear how her activities really hurt someone else. I�m not so good at expressing those kind of emotions so she really didn�t get much more than anger from me.

I have the NC letter, and I will send today. My wife also gave me a list of passwords for everything (I didn�t ask for this), and shut down her facebook page. This was a big one to me, as she spent a great deal of time and effort on that site I thought she might never give it up. She also changed her email address and called the phone co. to get a new number for her phone. Next is for her to research polygraphs and get it scheduled.

One of my requirements of our reconciliation is that we follow the MB plan. I found this site some months ago and tried to get her into MB, as we were not emotionally close. At the time, she was not interested (no surprise to me now, she was getting her emotional needs met with someone else). Now she said she will follow the plan. Here I need to ensure that we don�t neglect this critical step and continue the poor, mostly independent, behaviors that got us here in the first place. I have to take responsibility for the state of our marriage as well, as I spent a lot of time by myself working on my car, house projects, etc. I read about �EP�s, and I think we�ll have to institute those, and for me too. We have a lot of planning to do.

To any WW�s who might be reading, attitude and actions go a long way. Two days ago I was furious and ready to divorce; now my anger is mostly gone and I want to rebuild my marriage with my wife.

I really appreciate all of the help and support that was freely given to us. I�m also very grateful to the anonymous person who alerted me to my wife�s activities before the situation got much worse. I don�t need to tell this to most people here, but if someone in doubt is reading, please, if you know something like this is going on, somehow let the spouse know.

Great job, Bricks!! Nice touch in having the OMW speak to your wife!

Now, to recover your marriage. It is a very narrow road and most marriages don't recover unless they change their marriage using these concepts. You can do it yourself if you are disciplined enough to go through the lessons on your own. Harley outlines the various options here, but you would want to add his book Surviving an Affair: MB plans

...so who sent you the pictures if it was not OMW you exposed to?

Is it possible theres a 2nd OM?

Good question. Bricks, any thoughts?

I would add that I suggest you and her get into counseling with Steve or Jennifer here at Marriage Builders IMMEDIATELY!

My bet on the source of the pictures would be a buddy of the POSOM! (I made this point on her thread.)

One question on the poly would confirm that there is only one OM. Until then, I'd not waste emotional/mental energy on this issue. You and she have more pressing concerns.

Thanks, everyone.

I don�t know who sent the photo or how it was obtained. My wife is scared about who has the picture(s). It would be scandalous in her family. I never wanted to see her hurt or humiliated. But, those may be the unfortunate consequences.

My gut response is that my wife is being truthful, that there were not other inappropriate contacts. However, I know that she may be lying. If so, I will uncover this during the poly.

Melody, thanks for the link. This weekend we�ll sit down and discus the best plan for us w/ regard to MB. I like the idea of calling the Harleys or maybe the on-line course (or both), rather than attempting to do it ourselves. I think a �coach� would maximize our chances for long-term success.

I saw a lot of good points in there. Good Job.

Now, have you exposed to anyone else?

ITA with MM, you need to get her on the phone.

Maybe even do the online course.

I was wondering about who else was exposed to as well?? The only person I think you have mentioned was the OMW.

Like, for instance, the mutual friends that your WW mentioned on her thread. They should probably be exposed to so that they don't inadvertently invite you all to the same event, mention OM to you two, etc. This kind of indirect contact will not be good for your recovery. You may even have to give those mutual friends up...

Bricks, be aware that there is a specific way that FB needs to be shut down to make it a permanent cancellation. Make sure she has done this correctly. Here's a link for the correct way to permanently delete a Facebook account: Permanently Delete A Facebook Account It's not the same as just deactivating an account. If she deactivated it, she can reactivate it at any time.

Also, be aware that if there is any attempt to access her account within two weeks of cancelling the account, attempting to access it will stop the cancellation process and her account will once again be current. Make sure she does not attempt to access her account, even to 'make sure' it's cancelled.

There are many reasons why I would rather be betrayed than a wayward, and this is just one. OM are scum bags. We have seen ones that drug young girls, that are drug addicts themselves and pimps, not to mention the child abusers and yet(formerly) nice women fall for them in the fog. I can point to and describe wayward madness after spending time on this forum. But I cannot say I understand it.

Good job on how you handled things with OMW. I am sick of arguing with BHs who just want to leave the OMW in painful ignorance because they are scared of their WW.

Not only did you man up and do it, you got your wife to do the right thing also and you handled the situation with sensitivity.

I have no worries about your attitude, here.

Some bad news for me and my kids. She admitted they ***EDIT*** in NY when she visited there. At this point I am no longer interested in continuing the marriage.

I�m going to call the OMW today and let her know. What a shame, so much lost and destroyed, so many hurt. For absolutely nothing.

I am sorry for wasting everyone�s time here.

I wish everyone the best luck in moving forward in their lives, whichever path that may take.

Kind regards and best wishes,

Bricks

Oh, Bricks. I am so sorry. I was very much afraid of that, knowing she had gone to NY.

Listen, don't make any decisions this very second, okay? I know how bad you feel - remember that there are many of us here who were/are in similar situations. You don't have to decide anything right now.

And please consider staying on this site so we can help you through this, regardless of whether or not you choose to remain in the marriage.