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Amazin Offline OP
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Does anyone know what happened to... or the status of....

Believer

Mark1952

Mimi

RIF

Wildhorses74

not2fun

???


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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I remember some of them. There are others who are gone now. There are thousands of posters who have come through this site. I think they heal and move on.

Good for them, if they have done so! smile


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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****edit****

Last edited by Dufresne; 01/30/12 12:05 AM.
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Would you like to start a thread over in the Divorcing forum? I think we have more experience with custody and end of marriage issues. ((Amazin))


Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
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Amazin Offline OP
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I'll think about it... I may just ask the moderators to move this thread there.


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Welcome back Amazin....good to see you again. Did you ever get paid that $18,000 plus child support arrearage?


I went and checked and it appears you stopped posting in March, 2010. You just missed a big blow up on the forums that happened in April, 2010.

Not2fun, myself and a few others confronted and exposed the poster Larry as an OM - serial cheater who married his affair partner (3rd wife) who not so surprisingly cheated on him. He married such third wife 14 or so days after her divorce was final stealing her (and her two toddlers) away from her betrayed husband in Kentucky and relocating them to Texas. The betrayed husband fought for many years trying to get them back. The case went all the way to the Kentucky Supreme Court where Larry used his money, savvy and hired-gun lawyers and psychologists that never even met the BH to beat the BH in court. The conclusion of the confrontation on MB rests in this locked thread: Larry tries to shoot the messengers

What we didn't know at the time and I'm grossed out even mentioning it..it appears Larry is an accomplished erotica author as well. He apparently published several online stories just before the time he started his affair with his third wife (disturbingly a much younger woman with young children) which included explicit sexual contact by adult men with children. He APPARENTLY wrote under the pen name "The Observer [google asstr +"The Photographer's Daughter" if you think I'm making this up....warning alt.sex.stories contains sexually explicit material]

So what does that have to do with the posters you mentioned....

Well, it appears Mark, Believer and a couple others bought Larry's wayward justifications and rationalizations. The truth about their friend was too hard to swallow. Larry concocted some storyline whereupon our outing him was politically motivated somehow and mean. Instead of owning his behavior and explaining it he tried to make it all about our behavior. Typically gaslighting response to exposure. When that didn't work...(as we all know "wayward's lie")...they fortunately [some] AND unfortunately [some] moved on in protest.

Many of the others have just moved on over time. Not2fun stops by now and then and even Mark and I exchange pleasant emails now and then.

The good news is that since that big dust up...MB has really calmed down and focused. We've grown like crazy. The fights and constant meta discussions by those who sought [purposefully???] to disrupt and misdirect these forums are gone. MB is actually much more focused now on helping more people than ever confront and overcome infidelity in their marriages. With the support, guidance and direct assistance of Dr. Harley and his FREE radio show we are now experiencing growth of over 250 new registered members per month and we recently surpassed the 60,000 registered member total. Hits and unique visitors have gone through the roof since 2010. In fact, last week (Friday 1/20 to Friday 1/27) MB had over 2,500 posts and that was a slow week. Sure we used to have around that post count a few years ago (raw posts) but that was, to a large extent comprised of chit-chat, cliquey social posting and constant petty bickering over whose advice was the best, who is a real man, affair marriage arguments, troll discussions and who is recovered and who is not, etc. The forums are much more concentrated on MB principles now and nearly the entire post count is dedicated to actually helping people in desperate situations apply MB methods and restoring romantic love to their relationships. Dr. Harley and the Moderators have done a tremendous job.

I hope that helps explain things. The posters you mention, though some really nice wonderful helpful persons are part of a darker past when MB was about everything but MB. MB is moving forward and has been for quite awhile (almost 2 years now...wow).

Anyway...it's nice having you back. If you have any more questions about the past you can email me privately.

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Mr. W, I don't believe that is why most of those posters (and others) have moved on. I'm confused as to why you would even state that so emphatically as if it's the truth? dontknow


VERY HAPPY! FBS/FWS; 47yo; M-29 yrs.; DS-26,DD-21; our affairs: 1990-'96
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Amazin Offline OP
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Well that answers some questions. Larry.... disgusting. I think he even made a few post on my thread.


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Amazin Offline OP
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Well... I guess I have some splainin to do. (Why I'm back after a prolonged absence)

I'm not going to rehash my story so... If you've read this thread and my previous thread (Guiding Light) Then you'll have a pretty good background on my situation. I will say this... For the last 2 years I haven't had any comunication with my WW. I'm pretty sure she's changed her phone number, email and I know she's changed jobs. Short of knocking on her door I couln't communicate with her if I wanted to. Other than accidental sightings at the grocery store or passing on the road I haven't seen her.

I retired from the Military last summer. I only had one job offer and it was a one year contract in Afghanistan. I took it and started in September. Unfortunately the job didn't work out, and I was terminated. I felt bad about it on one hand but on the other I was somewhat relieved. I was very worried about leaving my troublesome 18 y.o. daughter at home without any supervision. (24 hours after I left she threw a party in my house.)

After I got back my attorney suggested that I submit a request to modify to the support order that I'm paying my WW. (Makes me sick to my stomach that I'm rewarding her for her bad behavior. I'm pretty bitter about it.)

We went in to the domestic relations office and couldn't come to an agreement. So a "Masters" hearing was scheduled. At the masters hearing I thought we had worked out a settlement to the divorce. But... Her and her attorney are just doing more of the same... stalling to get as much support money out of me before the divorce in finalized. (I couldn't look at her or talk to her at the hearing and she wouldn't or couldn't either.)

Anyway... Bottom line: For some reason after the masters hearing I went into a tailspin. I got real panicky about the non-binding verbal agreement that would finalize the divorce. I started longing to have her back. But at the same time I was extreamly mad and bitter. I guess I'm just in a state of confusion.

So there you have it....

Last edited by Amazin; 01/31/12 08:46 AM.

BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
Joined: Oct 2000
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Wow ....

((((( BIGGER HUGS )))))

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Originally Posted By: Amazin


I guess I'm just in a state of confusion.


My $.02

You are still grieving this loss. It feels confusing, but it's grieving nonetheless.

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Amazin'

Did you happen to catch Mortarman's wonderful "doors & windows" post?

LINK to my thread about doors & windows

You can probably guess what my "door" is. It's health related.

Try checking your forehead for knots ! banghead

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Amazin Offline OP
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Thanks Pep. I guess I'm just needing some support.

She showed up at the masters hearning and notified us that she was fired from her job the previous day. (Pretty convienient.) Maybe I just have a problem comprehending how decietful, indifferent and cold she can be to someone she loved at one time.


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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Originally Posted By: Amazin

Anyway... Bottom line: For some reason after the masters hearing I went into a tailspin. I got real panicky about the non-binding verbal agreement that would finalize the divorce. I started longing to have her back. But at the same time I was extreamly mad and bitter. I guess I'm just in a state of confusion.



Amazin, I am sorry this has been dragged out. I don't blame you for being upset. I am glad you are back for much needed moral support, my friend. hug


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Amazin Offline OP
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I haven't read it but I will.

I did go back this weekend and re-read my first thread and this one. That was helpful. Like re-reading an old journal. It reminded me of all the crap I've gone through over the last four years and what WW and ExW put me through.


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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She's an alcoholic.
She is not working the 12 steps.
No matter how many AA meetings she attends, she needs to be working the steps on a daily basis.
Unless she's made amends to you .... she's not a sober-clear-thinking woman who is safe for you to be around.
hug

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Amazin Offline OP
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Thanks Mel. hug


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,541
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Amazin Offline OP
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I know pep. I doubt she's even trying to stay sober. There have been a few times in the last few years when I've seen her car parked outside the local bar. Her and her boyfriend are probably inside drinking it up on my dime.

Sometimes I get disgusted with the family court system and feel that there is no justice.


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Originally Posted By: Amazin


Maybe I just have a problem comprehending how decietful, indifferent and cold she can be to someone she loved at one time.


Sin changes people.
They become ugly.

link to discussion about sin

Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: Pepperband


"Sin in it's ordinary progression first deceives, next hardens, and then destroys." - John Thornton



Thinking about this quote in the context of a wayward mind ....

1. Deception.
We talk about wayward "fog", which is verbal expression of the self deception that goes on in a wayward mind. Deception which allows a so called "normal" person to commit adultery. "The enemy" is the ultimate liar. What deception does is this, deception makes swallowing a deadly poison seem like a desirable choice. This is the point in adultery where the waywards telling themselves lies might be shocked into reality by exposure. perhaps not, but it is possible. Truth & light are kryptonite to the deception. I am talking about the wayward losing his/her mind.

2. Hardening.
Now, about the wayward's heart. It hardens. The wayward heart becomes callous. The wayward heart becomes closed off and insensitive to the pain and devastation their adultery causes. The wayward can even accept the broken hearts of their own children if that pain supports their adultery. The wayward becomes impervious to empathy. Cry all you want, your tears have no meaning for the hardened heart of a lost wayward. Your tears, your pain only annoy the hardened wayward heart.


3. Destruction.
And finally, the wayward's soul. The sin of adultery destroys the wayward's soul. The spiritual essence of humanity is nowhere to be found in the wayward. Integrity has been cast off in order for the adultery to continue. The wayward does not go on his/her merry way unscathed. The wayward is the most wounded of all. The destruction of a once beautiful soul, now made ugly by sin, is heartbreaking.


There is a progression to this loss.
Humans are vulnerable to temptation.
Temptation feels good.
But, giving into the sin, and living in the sin is life changing.
Soul changing.

We can actually SEE it sometimes.
We can actually SEE the cold eyes of the hardened heart.
We can actually SEE the lifeless eyes of the soulless.


Last edited by Pepperband; 01/30/12 01:59 PM.
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Quote:
Integrity has been cast off in order for the adultery to continue.


And that... (Integrity) goes against every fiber of my character. Integrity was strongly ingrained into my personality because of the military. That's what I have a problem with... Not just that she has no integrity but that I didn't see she didn't have any integrity.


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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