v.tr.
1. To annoy by constant scolding, complaining, or urging.
2. To torment persistently, as with anxiety or pain.
v.intr.
1. To scold, complain, or find fault constantly: nagging at the children.
2. To be a constant source of anxiety or annoyance: The half-remembered quotation nagged at my mind.
n.
One who nags.

annoy, badger, bait, berate, bug, carp at, dog, eat, egg, find fault, fuss, give a hard time, goad, harry, heckle, hector, hound, importune, irk, irritate, needle, nudge*, pester, pick at, plague, prod, provoke, ride, scold, take it out on, tease, torment, upbraid, urge, vex, work on, worry

Just because you can't resolve a problem at a particular point in time doesn't mean you can't find an intelligent solution in the future. Don't let an impasse prevent you from giving yourself a chance to think about the issue. Let it incubate for a while, and you'll be amazed what your mind can do.

If your negotiation turns sour, and one of you succumbs to the temptation of the Taker with demands, disrespect or anger, end the discussion by changing the subject to something more pleasant. After a brief pause, your spouse may apologize and wish to return to the subject that was so upsetting. But don't go back into the minefield until it has been swept clear of mines. The mines, of course, are demands, disrespect and anger, and you must discuss how to avoid them before you return to the issue. You can't negotiate if your Takers' destructive instincts control your discussion.

DO NOT make a demand. A demand is an effort to force your spouse to do what you want without consideration for how your spouse will feel doing it. "Do it, or else," is the clear message given in a demand, and it coveys an insensitivity to your spouse's feelings or interests. It's a Love Buster because demands withdraw love units. Instead of helping to solve a problem, it creates a new problem. A thoughtful request, on the other hand, is a good way to ask your spouse for help, because it takes his or her feelings into account. "How would you feel if you were to do this for me," introduces the problem with a willingness to negotiate a win-win solution.

DO NOT make a disrespectful judgment. When you present the problem, avoid expressing it as being the fault of your spouse. "If you were less selfish, we wouldn't have this problem," is an example of a disrespectful judgment that will get you nowhere. Instead of blaming your spouse for the problem, view it as a problem for you that is, apparently, not a problem for your spouse. Respectful persuasion is an effort to try to change your spouse's behavior that, in the end, will not only help you, but will help your spouse as well.

DO NOT have an angry outburst. Anger is your Taker's way of punishing your spouse when he or she does not give you what you want. It's not only an ineffective way to produce long-lasting change in your spouse's behavior, but it also destroys your spouse's love for you.

Granted, if you present your complaint in a thoughtful way, and your spouse responds with thoughtlessness, you will be very tempted to revert to your Taker's instincts by being demanding, disrespectful and angry. But it takes two to fight, and if your spouse does not respond positively to your presentation, simply end the discussion, and re-introduce your problem again later.

It's very important for both you and your spouse to do a good job meeting each other's emotional needs, and avoiding behavior that causes each other's unhappiness. But when either of you have a complaint, I suggest that you use this procedure:

Most couples lose love units whenever they have a conflict because they present their complaints with demands, disrespect and anger. And then they look for solutions that help one spouse but hurt the other. That's no way to resolve conflicts, and it's certainly no way to stay in love.

There are times where he has more on his plate than usual and then he forgets some things and then I have asked him whether it would be okay to remind him to do this or that. He has said that it would be okay. I'm not sure, though, that this is a good system to practise.

Okay, I will ask my question.



Would posters find this kind of solution to be MB practise? My H hasn't complained me be being angry, disrespectful or demanding at that moments.

And I am willing to knock it off if this qualifies as nagging.

Earlier there was a lot of pish-posh

pish |pi sh |
exclamation dated
used to express annoyance, impatience, or disgust.

posh |p� sh | informal
adjective
elegant or stylishly luxurious : a posh Munich hotel.
� chiefly Brit. typical of or belonging to the upper class of society : she had a posh accent.