I am going to ask a quick question that I think I know the answer to but just want to check to see if I am way off. WW offered to watch the kids on Sunday so I could watch the big game with my friends. This is something I have done for the past 17 years. Thing is she intends to stay here at the house with the kids. I am not comfortable with the idea of WW being here "unattended" especially considering if the tables were turned, there is no way she would let me in her place by myself right now. I do want to make the house inviting to her but right now this seems like a boundary I need to keep in place. I was thinking of letting her know that she was welcome to have the kids at her place in trade for another night but I wanted to keep things even as far as dwelling boundary rules go. Thanks.

I think you should go for it! The novelty of her apartment is probably wearing off so this will be a good time to get her back and remind her of how nice it is at home. Make it as pleasant as possible so that will contrast to her lonely life in her apartment.

I know the feeling. I get uncomfortable with my wife in my house without me. She left so much behind that I fear she would snoop to see what she could take back to her apartment.

I also agree with Mel's points too. Has your wife done anything that would make you not trust her in the home while you're gone?

See, this is why I asked. I felt like this would be just playing into her cake eating.

Same here. In her mad dash to get out of the house she left a ton of her stuff. I do feel like she would spend the evening either filling up her car with more stuff or snooping to see what she could find.

There really isn't any reason I shouldn't trust her in the house alone. I just thought the dwelling access should be equal which it isn't. I admit, if I was in her place for an evening alone, I would be tearing it apart looking for who knows what.

I wouldn't do it, you'll probably find stuff missing or your computer compromised.

I do think she would just go shopping at the house and there would be a number of things missing but that part of it doesn't really bother me as much as the idea that she could come and go to the house as she pleases but her apartment was completely off limits. I told WW that it felt weird when I was explaining things to her (she is still my wife and she was living at the house in Dec.) but at the same time I thought it was important to have some boundaries of my own and to keep our fences at the same height so to speak. She was caught off guard by this idea which to me was another example of how WW is totally focused on her life and isn't at all concerned how any of this is affecting anyone else.

I agree with RMX..My W is more than welcome to come over any time, but she cannot be there without me. She isn't the same woman that I married and cannot be trusted. I went to the store once while she was there and had to ask my son to let me know if mom walked around the house. Luckily she just sat on the couch. I never go to my wife's apartment except to pick the kids up for school during her weeks.

I was going to ask you how you and your WW were handling things. I feel like I am constantly inviting my WW over to the house. Sometimes she accepts, sometimes not. I am trying to make the house a warm and welcome place for her. At the same time, right now I can't let her just come and go. I live in a part of the country where I don't have to lock my car or house. I have lived at the house for 10 years and have just recently started locking the house. Pretty sad, I feel like I have to lock the house to keep my WW out.

Just so you know, I have been following your thread and have often felt like there was no need for me to post to my thread. You were speaking my mind and I would just be repeating what you wrote.

Happy birthday to your boys!

Thanks SS,

Right now things are ok. We went from her being extremely angry to her slowly taking the carrot, so to speak. I try my best not to LB. She doesn't always accept my invitations either, but they keep coming. In the end, she will realize that no one will ever care for her and love her more than me.

This is a way to end the fantasy for the WW. I recommend you thank her for the offer, but that you�re responsible for finding care for the kids when they�re with you and she�ll have to do the same when they�re with her. Make it clear that that�s just how it�s going to have to be if you guys get divorced (which is true). I�d also find some way of saying that you�re sure that if you�re ever dating someone someday that she�d object to having the ex show up at the house regularly to watch the kids. I�d also say that you�re sorry, but that you simply don�t trust her and would be happy to see her want to earn your trust back someday, but that simply isn�t the case right now.

I sacrificed things for a time when I got divorced, which included outings to watch the Super Bowl. So either take the kids with you to your friends, if they�re having kids over, or watch the game with friends at your place and do so in a kid friendly manner. I found that the kids enjoyed helping setup for a party.

I agree with this.

The fantasy will take a blow when you decide to give up something you treasure like the SB party before you allow her to watch the kids on your day. It would be a reward for someone who deserves none.

I think I will end up heading to the pre-game party with the kids and then just duck out of there early. For me, it is less about seeing the game and more about visiting with pals.

I have been planting seeds about what life will be like if she continues this glide slope. Her idea of cooperative parenting doesn't work for me. I feel like WW and OM have done all of this "long term planning" for how the rest of their lives will be but in reality they haven't actually gotten past next Thursday on the calendar.

I have a hard time coming up with something I would rather do besides spending the day with the kids on my day. The SB party is a blast but not really on the same level. I get what you are saying about not wanting to reward her.

Start a new SB tradition with the kids and have them help you prepare the goodies.

Great plan. I like it.

I try to include the kids whenever I am cooking. I don't know about you but I have become a cooking mad-man since WW moved out. I can't seem to stop cooking. Must be some kind of coping mechanism. The kids don't really eat much of anything I prepare of course but I am told that is pretty normal for their ages.

Yes, lots of cooking, cleaning and laundry! I clean a 4br house...she cleans a 1br. It's been pretty hard at times, but I manage. My younger son likes to help me cook and my older one helps me clean up. My DD is lazy! Lol!

I haven't been posting for a while because I really didn't feel like I had anything substantial to post. I have been reading the forum every day though. It was more of the same. Plan A with no real response from WW (no expectations on my part).

Well, WW gave me D paperwork on Saturday. I am seeing my L tomorrow. Very dissapointing. I told her the worst part for me was that she never gave us a chance. She never tried.