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Lets see if the two of you make it to the appt on Monday; If she wants to cancel or manipulate you into canceling...then you will know you have a SERIOUS problem
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She read my entire thread. She is really upset, but she wants to go through with this now and get it over with. She feels like I'm trying to punish her.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Posts: 1,956 Likes: 1
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Your wife needs to try and understand that a truly repentant former wayward will undergo a poly to PROVE that s/he is telling the truth. Going through recovery is a very difficult process and requires, first of all, the full truth.
Lying about the extent of an affair is a great offense to betrayed spouses who need to know exactly what it is they are dealing with. It's not punishment.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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I know and I tried to explain this and she just states "that's how I feel and there's no convincing me otherwise and this is going to hurt for a while.". I don't think I can get her to see my perspective, but she now wants vindication and she is sticking to what she's told me. She does understand how her story seems not believable, but she said I intervened the day before she was planning on going to his house for sex.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Posts: 11,239
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I lookefdd at your signature and your wife is a serial cheater.
You should NOT show her your thread; why would you do that?
Does she have you login name and password?
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IP,
Hope you resolved everything with the test.
God Bless
Gamma
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Did the test. More came out that I didn't know. She didn't have sexual intercourse, but I'm back at ground zero again.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
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She read my entire thread. She is really upset, but she wants to go through with this now and get it over with. She feels like I'm trying to punish her. This was a  . It's fog-talk, and a rationalization to avoid RH.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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She fully admitted that she hid specific details to try and control my decision to stay and work things out. She didn't think I would stay if I knew all the details of both affairs, but she also knew that I wouldn't trust/believe her if she didn't take the test or pass it. I know every little detail of everything. Traumatic and devastating day. Hurt and sadness, very little anger.
HDW,
I can't lie, sneak, or hide emotion. My facial expressions give me away to everyone. I am an open book. If she cheats again, it just wasn't meant to be.
Last edited by INTERNAL_PAIN; 02/10/12 06:11 PM.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Posts: 2,964
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Internal_Pain,
While it is true that you are back to zero hour, it is also true that you were in negative figures after dday so you have moved forward. I hope that your WW revealing the truth to you helps her to overcome her sexual distance.
I would also say that compared to where I am, you are 20 years ahead, so the recovery time you lost is a small percentage of the years of good marriage you can now have.
Had I polygraphed my W about OM2 when she was 30 I wouldn't be were I am now with a W who didn't passionately kiss me for almost the duration of my marriage.
God Bless
Gamma
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Yeah, we've had to renegotiate some thing's, but the polygraph has definitely helped her and she does seem really focused on helping me which gives me some hope. I'm just back to square one with the sleepless nights and mistrust and resentment. It feels like it just happened yesterday.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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InternalPain,
Did she say how she expected your marriage to recover when she wasn't completely honest with you?
Was she feeling guilty and how long did she think she could go on without disclosure to you?
You are kind of lucky in that you didn't have to hear it 5 years down the road when you WW confessed, or you pry it out of her.
God Bless
Gamma
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The wound was finally and fully washed out. This is good. Now the healing will start. Hopefully the last wall between the two of you is gone.
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She was feeling guilty, and she satsuma she feels free now. I don't think she was planning on telling me. There was a lot of guilt on her part.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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The wound was finally and fully washed out. This is good. Now the healing will start. Hopefully the last wall between the two of you is gone.
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IP,
Again be glad you got this NOW and not some number of years from now. This period of suffering is a small percentage of the years of married life you can now have with your W. It was painful resetting the bone, but eventually you will be walking again.
It's not fun considering divorce at 50 from a wife who is basically a good person, even more so after MB, but who feels nothing for you sexually, and had had not had those feelings for years.
God Bless
Gamma
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Yes, I hope this is the turning point. She seems more determined than ever to make this work, which in of itself is making a lot of deposits in my bank. Last night didn't turn out so good with both of us dishing out some LB's, but we made up and today has been better. For some reason, working out has been therapeutic for me and my saving grace. Seems like I have to do it twice a day to just be able to sleep at night. I know it will get better with time, I just wish the clock would roll faster.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
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Wow, I don't even know where to begin. I feel really good. She has now seen how things go when we meet that 15 hour a week threshold and she loves it. We've actually come up with a workable plan for UA time and she is a changed person. It reminds me of when we were dating, but better in every way. No more selfish behavior and disagreements are quickly resolved without raised voices. We have a lunch date Monday afternoon that we are both looking forward to. I feel hopeful about the future again.
WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery
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Posts: 2,964
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IP,
Glad to hear it, you really did the right thing getting that polygraph, you can now look forward to a long and happy married life.
Melody often points out that most infidelity does not end marriages, but maims them and they limp along unhappily for years undermined by horrible secrets.
Funny thing is I was out shopping with the W yesterday and she was absent mindedly relating a story about OM, one that she could only have known if she was in his bedroom. I asked her about a further detail and she changed her story from I saw it, to OM told me about it.
After 20+ years my W still is trickle truthing.
God Bless
Gamma
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IP,
Funny thing is I was out shopping with the W yesterday and she was absent mindedly relating a story about OM, one that she could only have known if she was in his bedroom. I asked her about a further detail and she changed her story from I saw it, to OM told me about it.
After 20+ years my W still is trickle truthing.
God Bless
Gamma Did you tell WW that she just changed her story? Or did you let it go by? What was thatimportant that your WW felt the need to share something about the OM 20 years later without being asked. A trickle truth queen that all of a sudden had to volunteer OM info. That puzzles me why when a WW won't talk about the PA did what she did.
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