I've been absent for a few days, because I've had so much on my mind. <P>I got the divorce papers on Wednesday last week, and I couldn't sign them, because there was a clause that I was not sure was true. It said there were no minor children and "none were expected"..... I cried for an hour after reading that, because there was a chance that it was not true. I don't know if it was because I wanted it to be true, or not... I'm still not sure.<P>I went to the doctor on Friday, and had all the bloodwork done (I was 2 weeks late after H & I tried to reconcile a few weeks ago). I have been alternating between hope and dread for 3 days..... Crying uncontrolably sometime. It got to the point that I locked myself in my house all weekend, and wouldn't leave. <P>Well, the doc called about 2 hours ago..... the test was negative, and I've been crying ever since. Mostly out of saddness, but also a little out of relief. I know that this is for the best right now, but it still makes me very sad.<P>I just had to get this out. No one else but my lawyer knows about this. <P>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Oh, Butterfly, I am SOOOOO sorry. <P>Sending extra hugs your way.<P>Lori

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. I hear you saying you are sad, relieved and still had hope that the "Results" could of gone either way.<P>I hear the sense of pain and grief you are feeling and that you have "Stayed In" all week-end too.<P>I wish I could wisk all your pain away. But I can not. Self-Care is very important for you. As you head down this path, take care of yourself, your spriti and the basic things that we all to often take for granted. I do not want to sound like the Doctor but rest, diet, healthy food, exercise and a few others are necessary parts of what you need to help you cope.<P>You have been strong and you will be stong. I wish you peach and strength on finding your way back to your inner peach and what you must do to feel right to move forward.<P>Remember, Self-Care...take a hot bath...get a massage and read a good bood that will take your mind of the things that seem to spin in your spirit day-after-day!<P>God bless you and your family and everyone you love, hold and hug!<P>mr r

Butterfly,<P>Sometimes this stress can play havoc on our systems. But sometimes there is a silver lining to that cloud - I'm wondering if a delay in signing those papers worse the silver lining?<P>God Bless.<BR>TNT

hello bf, <BR>Your body and mind have been under so much stress, that it is understandable that your cycle is a bit off. You still are thinking clearly, see? You realized that it would likely not be a good thing at this time.<BR>I have to agree that taking care of yourself right now is so important! Get some exercise, eat, sleep. None of those things are very easy under these circumstances. But you have to force yourself.<BR>BF, I know it is hard to believe right now, but you are going to be fine. Just fine. You are a strong, sensible woman and your love will get you thru this. Focus on healing yourself, looking at your pain. Work thru those things that you can, and put the others away til later. You will be able to deal with all of it eventually.<BR>YOu will be fine bf. (((hugs))) cl<BR>

Pat, pat. No great words of comfort are forthcoming, just the wish TO comfort.<P>I think your screen name is great. Maybe that will help you get through this, too...think of today as cocoon time, and soon you'll emerge to fly away, free and unencumbered by the pain.<P>Laura

How come there isn't any really sad faces on these things. I feel for you, I feel really bad. I can't help wondering if TNT isn't right though, could there be another reason to delay signing them? God Bless!!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

Butterfly,<P>I wish I knew something to say to comfort you. All I can say is that I'm so terribly sorry. I will be praying for you as well.<P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Thanks everyone,<P>I guess more than anything, I just needed to tell someone. It's so hard to hold it in sometimes. I knew there was a greater chance that it was just the stress, but I guess the "mommy" in me was still hoping. <P>I did do a few nice things for myself last night.... I took myself out to a nice dinner, and then went and "played" for a while. I got home and took a nice long bubble bath, drank a few glasses of wine, and watched one of my favorite movies. (Steel Magnolias) And, then proceeded to have a good cry. Carthigic.... cleansing. I really feel a lot better today, and my eyes aren't even swolen and icky. <P>I have an appointment at lunch today for a manicure, and I think I will repeat the whole process (except the crying) again tonight. It's time to get out and have some fun again.<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>B<P><P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>