I haven't seen that movie yet, I'm going to wait until it comes out on DVD as I don't particularly want to cry in public.

I tell my son and daughter several times each day that I love them, I always have done, they both freely say it back to me too. In fact, even at now 15 years old, my son won't sleep until I've said the goodnight routine which consists of me saying 'I love you my baby' him replying 'I love you too' and me saying 'I love you more now get off to sleep' it's quite sweet if not borderline OCD really lol

My daughter being more like her father will say she loves me lots but doesn't go in for all the mush that my son tolerates and appears to like.

I do believe that the advice given on this forum is right, but as I have already stated, I'm not the most patient of women, I need action and I'm not getting any.

The phone messages have all gone quiet, although I think that she may be working nights tonight and she will be expecting to see WH at work at the hand over, he's not there though, he's injured and feeling sorry for himself at his sisters house. There is a possibility that I may see what my exposure has done later this evening but that seems like a lifetime away. I will also know whether or not it's safe to speak with her husband tonight, if in fact it is the correct telephone number that I have.

I also know that there are people not so fortunate as myself, kids who are younger, who take the A personally, who really really suffer during these times and I know that mine are not that bad, they are suffering but I have always been the steady influence in their lives and they know that I do not need to be financially supported to keep the home they love. I am fortunate in so many ways. But there is just one person who I wish still loved me with total adoration like he used to.

You dont have to be patient because you should be following the plans every minute.

Note I say YOUR plans, which should be your focus, not the APs reactions

As Pep says, self-care is part of Plan A. After exposure, maybe do a little of this. Go out for something to eat with your kids, have a footbath, watch a film, read a book, go have tea with a good sympathetic friend.

Or you could do some reading on here, to find your feet. You need to become a wayward expert fast. Maybe start with the Art of War in my thread. Note: You arent at war with your H, you are at war with the affair.

A good general does not go out hunting the enemy. He takes away its resources, waits for it to become desperate and till they are forced to come to him.

But that general does not excersize passive patience. He learns, he becomes informed he makes sure he is refreshed and replenished while he waits.

You are doing very well though. This pent-up nervous energy you have is very common and I remember it well.

We do not ask you to be patient.
No!
We ask you to be persistent and persevere with following the plan appropriate for your situation.

Forget being patient.

WWN, what you do now is finish your exposures. Get to the OW's husband. She will likely leave your husband alone if he is watching her. This is a critical exposure you can't afford to put off.

Time is of the essence. Doing a trickle exposure is a disaster for the reasons I gave in my link below. Please finish the job!

I would also expose the affair at their workplace. It will be much harder to carry on their affair at work if they are watching them. In order for your marriage to ever recover, one of them will have the leave the job anyway.

Finish the exposures, WWN. Don't set back and wait for something to happen, but go and MAKE things happen. Get to the OW's husband. Expose to the workplace.

Doing just a little exposure is not enough to kill the affair, but just enough to infuriate the affairees. If oyu are going to infuriate your husband, at least do it for a good reason. Don't stop halfway through.

I'm currently waiting to see if OW is at work this evening, I may drive to her home to see if she leaves for work. I'm possibly going to knock on her door after she leaves although I am quite nervous about doing this, it might be better to ring her husband instead.

With regard to informing work, I am also nervous about this too as my WH has only worked there since October and could lose his job, this would mean I would get no child support. He isn't the hardest working man in the world when it comes to looking for work, however he is a good worker when actually in a job. This worries me as he would happily sit around not working until our son reaches the age of no more child support required.

That is great. Just be sure and stay on this and don't let up until it is done. You can't afford to wait because she may get to her husband first and paint you as a "jealous kook." It wouldn't hurt if she were there when you knocked on his door and told him. Do you have someone you can take with you? Do this TODAY, WWN. You can't stop halfway with this.


You do understand that this is all hopeless as long as he works there with the OW, right? Even if the affair ends, it won't truly end as long as they work together. One of them will have to leave the job anyway.

My OH was offered a post within the company but at a step down unit local to our home, he originally turned it down but I'm going to suggest that he asks if the offer is still open.

OK so I've been to her house to see if she went to work, nobody in. I've looked at her facebook and she has now hidden all her friends, posts etc and she has deleted her profile picture. Her husbands facebook says he's in a pub a mile down the road from our home.

I decided that I'd ask my WH if he wanted to arrange to spend some time with our son, I text him and asked very politely, he's ignored me. I thought that he would like to spend a little time with him to make up for his birthday as he spent about 40 minutes here on the day.

Exposure has obviously caused waves but none with my WH yet.

WWN you are being very strong and I really admire the way you are taking advice on board and actively taking the right steps to save your marriage. Really really well done.

I suspect that the exposure has done something because she has reacted by changing her Facebook details.

I would still encourage you to expose her at work.
Try to call her house in about 45 mins as its pubs kicking out time and her H might be back home by then so you can talk to him and make sure he knows about his wife's affair with your husband.

As far as your husband goes its time now for you to show him that you care about him and you are doing all of this because you love him and want the marriage and not out of spite. I would start sending him caring messages asking about his injury, asking if he needs anything, making him feel wanted and cared for. This is called plan A. The more kindness and love you show him the more you are giving him a chance to do the right thing and come home to you and the kids.

I know that this is counterintuitive for some people because it's hard to be nice and loving to someone who has broken your heart but it's one of the things necessary to pave the way home for your WH giving him a chance to be the decent bloke he once was.

The vets will help you with plan A but in the mean time you can read about it on this sites pages ( sorry I'm useless at links) or someone can post a link here for you.

Once his withdrawal period from the skank is over he will not see you as second choice. When people are engaged in affairs they say and do alot of stuff that is totally stupid. He chose you to be the mother of his kids, he chose you to spend 24 years of marriage, he chose you to be his wife and he made all of these choices while he was sane. Now he's literally deranged it doesent matter that he chooses her. I rather be chosen by someone when they are of sound mind and strong morals rather than when they are insane and unfaithful.

Absolutely love this NB - Great saying!!!

Stay on it until you find him! You are doing great!

Still no joy with the OW husband but all is quiet on the phone front with my WH. I'm not supposed to know he's injured so I can't ask how he is. I sent him two messages last night, asking if he wanted to spend time with his son but he ignored me.

I decided to text his sister and I told her that I understood that blood was thicker than water but she needed to point out to him that the children were his blood too. She text me back saying 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink' I then said that I understood that his emotions were not focussed on me and the kids presently but he did need to maintain contact with at least the children otherwise he would end up with them hating him. No response again.

I know that the exposure has done something, I believe that the injury my WH received may well have come from her husband, my WH has been attacked at work before by one of the patients and his theory was that you did not go home as it showed the patient that they had won, why then would he have gone home after this? The timing fits in with the messages that were sent to her husband, her mother in law and her brother in law.

My thoughts are that her husband turned up at work as that's what the message stated, that they worked together. It also makes sense that he is avoiding seeing his son at least on his weekend off.

I think I'm going to allow him to lick his wounds for a couple of days and then contact him again.

I'll keep posting with progress.

A massive thank you to everyone who has helped me on here, even if there is no future for me and my WH I feel that this experience has helped me become the strong person I feel I am today.

I feel for you, WWN. I am new to the site, and unlike many on here, I cheated on my wife, and am currently going through the "worst emotional trauma in my life" trying to rebuild things and show her I wish to be with her more than all else. Take things slow, and dont' you give up! You are doing all you can, and that "make the horse drink" is BS. You want it bad enough, you make it happen, no matter what. Hang in there!

You're doing amazingly well. Is it possible the BH is a regular at this pub? Worth asking about him there?

You're doing really well, WWN. Hang in there!

OK update, he's looking for a place to live, there was a number used on his phone and it's a local letting agency! I'm now even more concerned that he'd rather bankrupt himself than come home to me. I suppose I have to realise that he needs to miss me before I can expect us to move forward but it's so hard.

Still no contact with OW and I've been to her home again, this time she was in but her hubby's car wasn't there so no point knocking on. I thought that she would be working today as I was sure her shift pattern covered today.

I know that he chose me to be the mother to his two children and that he chose to spend 24 years of his life with me but I feel like this woman has ruined it all now. That he'll never want me again. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself now that I've discovered he's looking for somewhere to live.

I suppose the upside is that the letting company is local to our home and nowhere near OW's home so he'll more than likely end up somewhere near his children at least.

WWN, you are doing great. Just be persistent as hell and stay on it until you get ahold of the OW's H! That is the most important and critical exposure.

I wouldn't worry too much about your H moving out. Most WS's threaten and/or think about moving out when their affairs have been ruined. Even if he did move out, it would just cause the affair to collapse sooner. It can't survive long in the light of day. Most don't move out.

Focus entirely on exposing to the OW's husband and then be prepared to go to your husband with a demand: he end all contact for life with the OW even if it means leaving that job. DEMAND IT. Go read my post in my link about the conditions you should set to lead your marriage out of the ditch.

Keep up the good work, my friend!

MelodyLane, he has already moved out of the marital home, he's staying with his sister but now he's looking for somewhere of his own, he doesn't earn as much money as I do and he will find it extremelly difficult to afford somewhere unless OW is moving in with him.

I don't know what to do now for the best, last time he left he said he was leaving the area, I know if he goes with this letting agent he'll be local but it tells me he's serious.

I'm worried.