Still here.

Divorce petition has been filed. We have a court case. She has a lawyer and so do I. We meet with a judge in April.

Meanwhile, we are living together and everything seems nice and pleasant. No SF since before Christmas. We are still in the same bed.

I fired our MC last time we met him. Basically, I told him I was disappointed that he so seemlessly would evolve into a disolution counselor. We did not come for a nice, safe, easy going disolution couselor. And he failed. So it was our last meeting with him.

I want my wife to join me with a marriage coach. I am still clear that this D is wrong in my opinion. WE have not worked hard enough or even tried yet. I am clear that I believe her emotional affair with the guitar man was affected either one or both of us for too long. None of the work was nearly as effective as it could be with that open wound in our marriage for over two years! Its only been a few months since the bleeding of that wound stopped for both of us.

But, alas, she is done. Surrounded by Divorce advocates. Family, friends, couselors, lawyers. Not me! I am not going along and making this easy. This path is wrong.

When I speak to her about this, I tell her it is still wrong. Hard to avoid Disrespectful Judgement behaviors, so I carefully try to find a way to tell her my opinions. Its not asked for. That's what Steve coached me about. So, she has no desire to ask for or hear my feelings. Steve coached me that she is not in a receiving place. Sure, I can barge in and say: "The bleeding from the EA just stopped. We never dealt with our M without that open wound present. " I can say: "I want to help you deal with your depression. I believe in you as a person, as someone with self esteem, talents, great ideas, the ability to function well, to reduce food therapy bad habits, to find more energy, to see the world as a place of opportunity and not endless hopeless, helpless, victim hood." But she isn't open to hearing any of that. So there are very limited openings for expressing what I see and avoiding DJs.

My path as coached by Steve is to just continue to demonstrate that this is a good M. I am a good man. There is tremendous value in keeping this family together.

She is talking to a career counselor at her alma mater today. That's encouraging. She is looking at employment. The youngest child starts K-Garden in the fall. So all four will be in school. My office closed and I start tele-commuting today. Home office based. The biggest part of our home life that I do not like right now is the three dogs (its the potty training. Two puppies having a pissing contest and one old geriatric dog that can't always hold it in. The carpets reek!)

We haven't told the kids. She won't leave the house for months. And you cannot make her. All lawyers advise a woman to stay in the home. She won't go until her lawyer says it is "safe." She wants to find out some level of financial guarantee.

There might be some sort of instrument in my state whereby I could force the issue. Some sort of temporary relief and legal guarantee. I could look into it. But that may go against Steve's recommendations.

I am looking into it and I'll share with you later.

So about me: I am feeling good about myself all the time. Getting into mental and physical shape. Paying as much attention as possible to the kids and to my wife. The body building and calorie counting helps a lot. And I like the way I look. I get compliments from people all the time about my demeanor, my smile, my attitude.

I had a competitive salesman tell me last week, "I love Stretch Light. You're not so heavy. You still kick my a$$ business wise. But you're not a jerk. Its never too late to reinvent yourself. Nice job."

I had a friend and colleague tell me: "You are like, the nicest guy in the world."

My cousleor said, "You really are a great husband. Wow. You think of love language acts that I would never do. You really are a good husband, and you never get to hear that."

My sisters said, "We are so proud and amazed at you."

Stretch is gonna be fine. Excellent! I keep on offering to Mrs. Stretch that she can join me on this journey.

She might have expectations that she will enjoy a warm & close friendship with you after a divorce.

Do you think this is her expectation?

That's her expectation, I believe. But I have been clear, it won't be like that.

BTW, pepperband, you are the one who told me months ago, "Just look good, smell good, be confident and grab your gym bag and head out the door to work out."

I do that all the time now. I am fine. I am available to her; strong and confident. If she does not want to talk or spend time together, I grab my gym bag and go work out. I am lookin good these days!

Speaking of smelling good.

A study on smells and how the effect our libido, or sexual drives, which are closely related, was done by a Doctor in Chicago.

They were using vaginal blood flow to measure the reaction on females. The study showed popular male colognes to have little or adverse effect, but, get this, Baby powder to increase the blood flow for women.

I only can guess who designed that scent...

For men, I have heard for years that the smell of cinnamon buns cooking in the house was an aphrodisiac. "Gee, I always liked that smell, and it sure makes me feel at home",I thought, but it seems there is evidence that this smell does have an influence on men's libido.

Both of those smells remind me of home, family, security and love.

Dang when you get down to it, it IS all about family!

I would not be surprised at all, to hear that you WW changed her mind, when you stopped caring what she did. some people gotta have something to chase

Its those people with an overactive part of thier brain, shall we call the prefrontal lobes gear shifter. They treat it with medication, but the medication is like they are drunk. They are stubborn, and you can't tell them anything, and are quick to argue,(A hothead?).

Going to a good doctor, not a pill pusher or hand-holder, will be paramount in her recovery.

Credit for this information goes to Dr. Daniel Amen, a Clinical psychiatrist, at Amen Clinics.

SPECT scans

Understanding is very valuable to human healing

Any news, stretch? Is she still living in the house without a job?

Yup..
we get along. Family is great. Seems like everyone is happy. But D is coming. Its odd.

I am confident about my future. Not motivated to fight for her any more.

Maybe that is better. Not desperately fighting all the time. Quiet confidence.

I am well prepared with my lawyer.

It seem as you were close so many times to recover. You work here for 135 pages. Can't do more then that. You'll come out ok with or without WW.

stretch,

Please check the email address you used when you registered for MB regarding a message from MB.

If that address is no longer available, email me... JustUss2@aol.com

He left his headlights on?

He's won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes?

His utilities are about to be turned off?

Stretch, ol' buddy, take care of this, okay?

Thanks. I have been getting along and I feel much better.

@JustUss, thanks. I checked. Sounds good to me