IP,

Funny thing is I was out shopping with the W yesterday and she was absent mindedly relating a story about OM, one that she could only have known if she was in his bedroom. I asked her about a further detail and she changed her story from I saw it, to OM told me about it.

After 20+ years my W still is trickle truthing.

God Bless
Gamma


I don't know if I could handle that. You're able to endure more than I ever could. May God be with you and your struggles.

TheRoad,

My W is one who had a very difficult time handling fault with close family. She likes to act as if her A with OM2 was nothing. The closest W ever came to an apology or admission was to ask me which OM 1,2,3 or 4 bothered me the most, but asking even that was torture for her.

It's almost like her making that comment in the store was an attempt at validation of her innocence in the affair. It is consistent with how she acted during the affair.

It is also in line with how my W family handles guilt. My FIL was a frequent serial cheater almost his entire married life, but always had complicated justifications and denials and never saw himself in the wrong.

I didn't respond because I need to visit OM and I don't want my W tipping him off or getting their stories in line, although I think it unlikely W knows where he is. I now do, or at least I know where his W/ExW? lives.

God Bless
Gamma

Internal_Pain,

I don't know if I could handle that. You're able to endure more than I ever could. May God be with you and your struggles.

Thank you, it was less of a struggle for all of those years and more like a wound that you just get used to, but that could have healed a long time ago.

You are lucky to have dealt with the problem, rather then dealing with it later in life. Your W's hiding that her affair with OM1 was physical would have been a long term damper on your marriage.

God Bless, Thanks for Serving
Gamma

TheRoad,

Actually the main reason these fact keep leaking out is because her un-confessed guilt in the affair keeps them on the tip of her tongue.

God Bless
Gamma

You are welcome Gamma. Veterans day is a tough one for me now. I feel like I was taken advantage of while I was away from home serving my country and then working so much while I was home. Some people are just total scumbags.

Thank you very much for your service INTERNAL_PAIN.

You are welcome BH, has your marriage recovered?

Thanks for asking.

No not yet, but reading, learning and trying to implement the MB plans.

It's very difficult when only one of you is onboard with MB.

INTERNAL_PAIN,

Just a few questions, if you don't mind.

Do you still have trouble sleeping?

Is your wife totally on board with MB?

How did you get her to do the poly?
Does she post here?
Did you experience PTSD?

Thanks in advance.

BH,

Yes, I still have trouble sleeping. During the week I take sleep aids when I have to work the next day, but I the weekends I just stay up til I crash.

Yes, she is totally onboard with the program. She wants to save the marriage at all costs.

I told her that I still had questions that she had answered that I didn't believe and they were eating away at me and I could no longer move forward. At first she said no, but she realized on her own that not taking it implied guilt and I would ask her to leave. I was also meeting her needs and the thought of breaking up our family was too much.

No, she does not post here.

Ummm, I don't experience PTSD from the wars, maybe from the infidelity and revelations from the polygraph.

Thanks for your response.

Dr. Harley has stated he knows of BS who have experienced PTSD from their spouse's affair.

How are you doing on not committing lovebusters?

I'm so glad you're in recovery.

Also, did you ever email Dr. H. on the career question?

Doing good on not committing LB's

No on asking Dr. H about the career, my wife agreed to a post nuptial though, she said the money does not matter, that she just wants my DD and I.

So did you POJA the job decision?

Yeah, we did. We both agreed I had just to much time in and am too close to retirement. We just want to get out of this area so there is never a chance of a run in with the wrong person.

That's a fantastic idea.

So you have how long until you get to move?

Sounds like she is doing everything she needs to make you feel safe in your marriage?

You think your marriage is better than it ever has been?

We have about five years until we can move. Our house is so far under water we are stuck and if I default on our mortgage I would lose my security clearance. SO, she does everything she can to make me feel safe. We are still working on the sex part, but that's the only thing that really bothers me. And she knows it's a problem and continues to try and make me heal inside.

Yes, our marriage is better than it's ever been, plus my DD is so adorable, cute, lovable and funny....she keeps me motivated

BH,

Where is your thread?

Well I'm glad you both came to an enthusiastic decision.

I can relate to the 12 hours night shift because I work that also plus we rotate every 4 months between nights and days and so I'm so exhausted after the week is up. Is she excercising? I know this helps me so much.

How is she doing on her AO?

She is O&H with you about the SF?

It sounds like conversation is a high need of hers? How are you doing on meeting that for her?

My thread is still in the SA forum and it isn't the smoothest of sailing.

I'm still learning and educating myself but getting my WH on board is another issue.

BrainHurts' Thread

Have a few minutes?

I've been doing a very good job of meeting her need for IC. I could improve a little on the affection and I also need to work more on being positive. We had a big talk last nite on SF and it turned ugly cause she AO'd me and I retaliated with a bunch of DJ's. We came to a mutual agreement though, and she's going to open up a little more and not have to have everything so scripted for SF.

She is not exercising and is sick again which is really LBing me, cause she doesn't feel like SF and I think she isn't as resistant to illness because of her lack of exercise. She has been eating better though.