I will definitely call my MIL tonight. Is there something in particular I can ask her to help me with regarding WH? I'm not sure I can ask her to talk down to him like trash. She knows that we are in MC and working on our marriage. I'm just not sure what to ask her exactly... See, the problem is that my in-laws attended her wedding and I think they truly believe that she is a friend of my H and their family. They don't see her and I'm not sure they speak with her, but I want to make sure that NC goes for the whole family.

I have the address of the OW's mother, but not her phone number. I'm doing my best to find it online without having to pay a fee.

We are 6 wks. Post D-Day, in marital counseling and I�m working on getting myself into IC. We have started some of the questionnaires from MB and I�m waiting on a few books that I ordered from MB as well to incorporate into our recovery/reconciliation.

My husband and I married in 2007 and the OW married about a year after we did. My H and I have been dealing with infertility for the past 2 and � years, and have been doing everything possible to start a family.

My WH was having an EA with an old girlfriend/friend. They had been in contact for the past 6+years. I discovered that he had put her phone number back in his phone after he told me that he deleted it months before.

On D-Day, I finally put my foot down and told WH that it was either her or me. He sent her a NC email and cc: me. A few days later she responded to both of us. Her response really pissed me off, because he asked her to respect our relationship and NC and she still made contact.

He divulged that he had two lunches with her. He also took her out on our boat one day to talk. He assures me that he picked her up and then they went out and dropped anchor to �talk� about her divorce, because she was really upset.

I have been checking our cell phone bill to verify that contact has ended and he has given me his passwords for his personal email, but we have private log-ins at work and I can�t check his emails there. He did block her email address and deleted her as a contact after I asked him to do so.

His reasons for seeing her, talking on the phone, texting, emailing, etc. was that she was just a friend and he had a hard time telling her �no�, especially when she was going through difficult times.

I keep hearing from him that he has already told me everything, that it�s over and they were just friends and the only thing that happened between them physically were hugs. He said he hasn�t had any communication with her since he sent her the NC email. He does seem truly remorseful at times and other times he seems like he doesn�t understand how we can�t just move beyond all of this.

Our MC is working with us and trying to get to the bottom of his actions. He has agreed that he hasn�t been good about meeting my emotional needs and has been doing much better. I�m just trying to figure out why all of this happened. I realize that he had poor boundaries or maybe at times no boundaries. He really is trying, but I�m just so scared that things will eventually go back to the way they were after things cool off.

Our MC asked him to distinguish which relationship was more important: The relationship with his wife or the relationships with his friends. He told our MC that they are both important. This of course brought me to tears.

WH says that he was trying to pull away from the OW, because he felt like it was too risky. He said that he felt like his time was running out and he was afraid of getting caught. I don�t get this either, because according to the phone records, they were in contact more during this time that he says he was trying to �pull away�.

My husband has made a timeline for me, but I still feel that there are details that are being left out. There seems to be a lot of things that he can�t remember or doesn�t really have the answers to and he doesn�t even know why he did certain things and keeps telling me that it was a mistake and he wishes it never would have happened.

He has been omitting information from me for a long time. I have been put in this situation a few times and I just don�t understand how I�m so honest and open about my past and he isn�t or doesn�t feel that it is important.

A couple of weeks ago I contacted OW�s ex. He told me they are not divorced. They are living in separate residences, but �working� on their marriage. He said that his W filed for divorce one year ago, which was 4 months after my husband took her on our boat to discuss her divorce. He said that his wife did mention a couple of lunches with my husband while she was in town and eventually divulged the boating day. He said I could call him if anything else came up or needed him to find out more information.

I told WH and he wasn�t upset at all, but he was in shock! I asked him if it was worth it and he said, �Absolutely NOT�It pissed off my wife and NO WAY was it worth this!!!� At times, he said he felt like it was ok, but he would never do it again and wishes he could turn back the hands of time. He said that watching my pain and him feeling like $#@* sucks!

My husband started reading �Not Just Friends�, but hasn�t gotten very far. I can�t force him to read it, but thought it would be good for him to and help him to understand what I�m going through and why. It also has areas for him in the book as well in relation to setting healthy boundaries.

My MIL is in town this week and wants to see us this weekend. His parents know that we are in MC for communication problems, but that is all that they know. It has been 6 wks. Post D-Day and I am feeling torn if I should tell her or if I should just let her believe that we are having communication problems.

Hopefully some of you will have some advice or direction for me. This has been an extremely painful experience. I still sometimes think I'm going to wake up from this awful nightmare!

beginagain: Did your H take the polygraph and did he pass?

Did you ever have sexual relations with OW?



Have you had sexual relations with other women since marriage to starfish75?