No - I don't think so. From my perspective it was just a cautionary measure. I've seen it happen before that someone who is very emotional posts, feels better, and doesn't follow through.

Good question, I don't know...I'm trying to figure it out. I'll really think on it, and see what my wife thinks too. Maybe I'm not seeing it clearly for all the mental muck.

YES. I see you doing alot of venting with no response to our posts. That seems to be changing now, but its real important to stay focused on the plan we give you instead of focusing on the trauma. Focusing on the trauma takes your focus off the plan of action.

Gotcha Sunny, I've had enough band-aids...I'm ready to do what it takes. I'm not going to feel better just talking about it. I want to know what I have to do to get going the right way.

Okay because I came on here really emotional and all over the place!

Understand! But it is real important to put your emotions aside and focus on a PLAN. If you don't want to take anti-depressants, how about some Omega-3 and some kick [censored] exercise every day?

This "mostly all the right things" business needs to change asap, now that you are learning what the right things are. For a WS to do mostly all the right things is like if I wanted a brownie button because *most* of the time I'm not an axe murderer.

The right things need to become a way of life for both of you - an internalized compass that protects you and your M.

That sounds more my speed. I have been feeling the need to exercise, just haven't been consistent because of feeling sorry for myself and frustrated (inaction). I'm going to do that.

If you are watching all those kids at home, I would go order a real kick [censored] workout tape and use it at home. Some of the best ones I have found are The Firm [the older workouts] and Cathe Friedrich. If you find the workouts on collagevideo or cathefriedrich, you can then go buy them cheap on ebay. What kind of exercise would you like to do?

I know it's what's been driving me crazy! I keep talking to her about it and I get: "I thought I was doing good...so I haven't been doing anything right?...I've been working on it..." She's so insecure and forgetful. I keep telling her what I need, she keeps not meeting it.
I was so frustrated a couple weeks ago I blurted out, "I want a divorce!" I've never said that before believe it or not. And she replied tearfully, "Okay, if that's what you want..." I was expecting her to say,"No! No, divorce! I love you and we're going to make this work!" She seems stuck in this I-don't-deserve-you-mode-and-youd-be-better-off-without-me mindset. I'm going to get these books and figure this out. I feel like I've had to motivate myself AND her to keep this going. Sigh.

I run, I have a punching bag, I have yoga dvd's and p90x dvd's. Just need to get off my [censored].

That's why it would be so good if she posted her. We can love her and whap her with 2x4's, and help her along ever step that she needs to take.

Involving your wife with the exercise would probably be worthwhile for both of you.

Did she ever suffer from abuse as a child?

Yes, extreme neglect and mental/emotional abuse, she stated also she has a vague feeling of being sexually abused, but she says she doesn't remember anything.

Yes, I thought of that. She's six months pregnant though, so she has to take it easy.

A walk around the block would do just as well. Food for thought.

If I were you, I'd sit down and schedule some blocks of time...an hour here, an hour there, and make it a routine. For us, it boiled down to telling our two oldest (age 6 and 4) to leave the room because it was mommy and daddy time. Persistence will be key.

You are bleeding all over the place, JJ, from the wounds inflicted by your WW.

Here are some basic things you should bear in mind as you try to untangle what she's done:

1) She will lie.
2) Even when she tells the truth, she will lie
3) She will not tell the truth.

You're going to have to demand three tests from her. These cannot be "Gee, dear, it would be nice if you would..." kinds of things. These must be things on the order of "These must be done as necessarily as breathing air...." None of them will make you feel better as you ORDER her to do them, but without them, you will NEVER recover. You might as well get them underway now.

1) She and you will need to take a full battery of STD screens, and probably do them again in six months. There is no choice. She gave it up to two criminals, and God only knows where those guys parked their johnsons before and while they were enjoying your wife.

2) She is going to have to undergo a polygraph. There were not only two men. That is much too tidy. You're going to have to know the full range of her skank-hood before you make the decision whether to go farther in recovery.

3) Pursuant to #2, you must have a complete DNA scan for the baby after delivery. You can do the math, and run the possibilities once the other lovers are revealed.

Your wife doesn't deserve you, my friend.

Are you, in your always subtle way, trying to say something there?

Good call on the STD testing.

Do some research into the effects of childhood sexual abuse on women. It is an eye opener.

Some women can overcome the trauma and/or get help as children and they adjust into normal adults.

Many never get treatment or help and are forever scarred.

I picked up on your wife as being a candidate based on her behavior.

Read up on it. My guess is that she was sexually abused as a child, but read and research and make your own judgment.