Not sure how my username relates to your statement.

Can you find OM's family and expose to them?

"Pretty sure" when it relates to NC isn't NC at all.

True NC is where *she* demonstrates to *you* that she is, at all times, NC. She's nowhere near that.

From an old Dave Chapelle movie called "Half Baked."

@ MrNiceGuy - See the movie: Half-Baked.

MrNiceGuy was the brand name unto which the "protagonists" in the movie peddled thier pot.

Now to allay everyone's opinions here, during my lunch break I went to talk to my MIL. She wasn't supportive in the way that I would have hoped, but we did broach the topic of WW's cocaine and partying. MIL agrees that WW should chill the [censored] out when it comes to the partying and MIL also agrees that WW should get a new job as well.

MIL is un a tight spot of her own, so I pushed the issue as much as possible without becoming unwanted.

Now as far as NC with OM, I am pretty sure. I have been snooping, key logging and gathering intel from all sources. Next on the list is a VAR in the car... which is on order.

I have accomplices everywhere. I am well liked in this town.

My parents adore my wife, but they have been supportive of me 100% even though my Father has been a bit of a [censored] bag to me my whole life.

Funny story (or not), I caught my own Father doing cocaine in the bathroom of a local bar. He's also a recovering alcoholic along with my Step Mother.

It's no small wonder why I don't drink or do drugs anymore. Frigging trap.

I am looking for OM's Father. Pretty sure I know where he lives, but no phone or reverse phone in his Last Name so I will have to do it the ols fashioned way by checking mail after the postman.

Also I have a friend who's house overlooks potential OM's Fathers residence. If residence is OM's I will be able to find out when OM is in town.

MIL did confirm that WW said this was her first time cheating. I don't feel WW would lie to MIL because she would be excommunicated from family. MIL did confront WW but MIL is a private person, much like my WW is.

Me? I am extremely open and honest, perhaps to a fault. Still WW is going to learn what real rectal snooping is soon enough.

Last night I went into WW's FB and Bank Acct to check for anomalies. I also checked WW's cell.

Everything is clear so far.

Ahh ok .. thanks for the enlightenment lol .. I have seen the movie but i didnt remember that.

Why do you trust your mother in law?
What makes you think MIL would know? Because you dont think your wife would lie to her?
LOOK AT YOUR WIFES ACTIONS. She is using drugs, partying and having one night stands. Why would you believe anything she said or supposedly told your mother in law?

You seem to defend the drug use.
Do you have children?

Do you understand that the OM may not be the one responsible? I mean, he's 20 or so years old and an attractive woman (who happens to be married) got drugs from him and offered to screw him. From a 20 year old, dope head kid's perspective that's a good deal.

If your wife commits one night stands, then she may be done with this 20 year old anyway. Boundaries are the issue. Boundaries like why the hell is a grown up out "partying?" I thought only college kids "partied." Most responsible people cant get drunk and high and be out all night with friends because they have responsibilities like kids and jobs.

Number 1 Boundary: No going out alone anymore.

Number 2 Boundary: No alcohol or drugs; if thats a problem (and it shouldnt be a problem if both persons are not addicted), then commitment to joining a AA program.



Will she agree to that?

Oh and obviously STD testing should be done ASAP

Lots of OM learned their trade from wayward dads. Try to find his mother and expose to both if posible, just in case. If you have his name can you find him on Facebook?


That's precisely why she would lie. Lie and hope no one asks for proof. You need that poly.

I would put VARS in the house AND car. Anywhere she would get comfy for a phone chat.

Can you get spyware on her phone and a GPS in car and on phone?

@H D W - Reading comprehension failure?

I have stated in no uncertain terms that I condone WW's partying and drinking.

Pretty sure I have allowed a little too much IB and I'll have to break both of us of that habit. I definately abuse my own IB.

If WW lies to MIL, and I have spilled the important beans to MIL (the ones I am sure WW didn't tell MIL) I am sure I will hear about it when MIL confronts WW again.

You see WW only has MIL and BIL for family left. BIL will follow MIL and MIL is not to be trifled with.

MIL is now the Matriarch of the family since the recent death of MIL's parents. FIL is a useless tit because he talks a good yarn, but never delivers. FIL has his hands full with his own deviant children.

I concur with the boundaries as set forth. Any other suggestions?

I am going to get this in wrinting and have the WW sign a contract.

No cannot install spyware on WW's phone. Crappy model with LG proprietary OS.

I have a nice phone, 'cause I'm awesome that way.

I have as much digital monitoring as possible without a secret GPS and VAR. Both are planned.

I guarantee you WW will not lie to MIL because MIL will troll the piss out of WW. If MIL finds out WW lies to her it's all over for WW.

FYI, poly cost $500 in my area.

Going to dig further.

YOU sir ... are ON THE BALL!

I applaud you! Not often we see the BS behave like you are .. there is a few .. but usually it takes 20 pages to convince the BS to expose and snoop. Keep up the good work!

The following is the letter containing BARE MINIMUM requirements recommended by Dr H. In your case set the bar higher due to her addictions etc.
----------------------------------

I want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and I will NOT stay in a loveless marriage. I am willing to give you an opportunity to earn my forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take:

1. End all contact with OM for life - send him a no contact letter that is written together and mailed by me

2. No more nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle

3. Complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

4. No more opposite sex friendships

5. Complete honesty about your affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. Commit to a program for recovery of my choice (MB).

This is what it will take to keep me in this marriage. You will have to have willingness and ability to make radical changes in your life if we are going to be married. Your lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back, these precautions are to prevent another affair.
----------------------------------

Dr H says if just one condition is skipped or glossed over, a FR is a certainty.

Check out the FR thread for true stories of this.

Drop it in the toilet or drop a hammer on it. Buy WW a nice new all singing all dancing phone with spyware preinstalled cause you're such an amazing hubby who loves her.

Her phone is prob a nasty trigger for you anyway.




She simply intends for MIL to never find out. They aren't logical they're addicts. We see waywards all the time who risk court martials and losing evrything they own to keep things secret And keep them going. They lie and then they lie some more.

^--- that there is some GREAT PLAN A! Highly recommended!

WW is already shopping for a nicer phone. I might convince her to buy an Android phone.

P.S. I have already rooted my Android Phone and I frequently install custom ROMs on my own phone 'cause I am awesome that way.

Her phone is a crazy trigger for me.

Understandable

Go ahead and buy the phone for her, like it was suggested by indie. Plan A AND snooping could be accomplished.