Says you. I on the other hand, do not have reservations about porn.

How does your wife feel about your porn use?

She knows I look at porn. It doesn't bother her. I know she looks at porn. It doesn't bother me.

Now having said that, the content being "Cuckold" porn (Where a Husband allows his wife to be seduced by another man, or is unwittingly cheated on by a wayward spouse) seems highly inappropriate at this juncture in time.

Truth be told, I don't fantasize about the "actor/actress" in the porn, but more the sex act(s).

So let me get this straight:

Porn is Adultery.
Therefore if Married people watch porn it is Adultery.

This begets the question then, if a Single person watches porn is that still Adultery?

Religious persons need not reply.

"Single" and "Adultery" cannot exist in the same sentence.

I think you are trying to shift focus away from you using porn.

Please explain how porn is not bad for marriage.

You'll find that the predominant attitude around here is that porn use constitutes adultery. This ranges from religious folks who believe lust is a sin, to the Dr. Harley statement that sexual fulfillment should only be shared with one's spouse, to those women whose husbands obsessively look at porn and are unable to become interested or erect without an increasing array of costumes, positions, toys, or scenarios - and frequently have premature ejaculation problems from frequent masturbation.


The predominant attitude is that if you watch porn without your wife, it is adultery. If your wife watches porn without you, it is adultery. There are some here who think that if you POJA to watch it together, then it's okay, because then you are sharing the activity of sexual fulfillment. Most, however, think it has no place in a marital relationship.


Nope. Adultery is a crime that has a victim, and if you're single then there's no victim. That said, it's still not held to be a great idea, because:

• it sets up unrealistic expectations of what a woman's body should look like
• it sets up unrealistic expectations of what positions are possible, feasible, or even comfortable
• it sets up unrealistic expectations of what it takes to get a woman aroused and in the mood for sex
• it can induce premature ejaculation issues because you are conditioned to orgasm quickly
• it can induce erectile dysfunction with real women because you're not getting the level of visual stimulation you're used to
• religious strictures against lust and/or masturbation

HeadHeldHigh has written several great posts on 'contrast effect', which covers most of what I bulleted above.

I'm an agnostic and tried to provide practical reasons why it's a bad idea, rather than fire and brimstone.

Porn is pretty damaging to marriages under the lovebank model, whereas if you're single there's no one and nothing to hurt.

I never had a problem with it before MB and was a bit surprised my H didn't use it. However if you read the articles on porn here, the dangers make sense.

We had a couple on here recently who both used porn. The contrast effect had gotten so bad over time they didn't even find each other attractive and needed to fantasise about their porn just to enjoy the experience. Flattering, huh? It led to As on both sides. Dr H said their powerful attraction to each other would return if they just stopped the porn.

Your ENs like SF and PA can't be met without you developing feelings. You shouldn't be developing feelings for porn when you could be bonding with your wife and vice versa.

Porn is like junk food. Its easy, fast and satisfies. But regular users get complacent, lazy, lose their palate for real food and develop no cooking skills.

Usually its a POJA issue too as women aren't enthusiastic about the comparisons.

However it tends to be a much worse situation when the woman thinks porn is a good idea, has no jealousy, and uses it herself. That usually does not bode well.

I've only seen or heard of that here.

This is what Dr.Harley says about porn:

Addiction to Pornography #1

Addiction to Pornography #2

Yes, says me.

But not just me.

You get your "fulfillment" from all sorts of men/women, and you have the audacity to wonder why your wife screwed around, or is doing the same, just more perverted?

You've let her know with 100% certainty that there is nothing special about her to you. **edit** No woman wants that, I don't care what they say.

You know nothing about me other than what I have posted here **edit**.

Whether I look at porn or not has no bearing on my WW's choice to cheat. Period.

**edit**

I am not sorry folks, I have no problem with porn. I have no illusions as to the nature of pornography either.

I understand that people can get addicted to porn.
I understand that some people find porn to be a sexual crutch.
I understand that religious people have an issue with porn as being immoral.
I understand that porn can cause people to think unrealistic things about love making.

I do not suffer from the aforementioned afflictions.

I would like think we are all adults here. At least, I should hope we are. It would be creepy for kids to be floating around here...

So why don't you POJA it with your wife?

What does she say?

A wayward wouldn't care. And there is no excuse for her having an A.

NotMy, do you believe that only your WW needs to change any aspects of herself and you will recover?

Porn watching can escalate to full blown adultery. It is the first step in the immoral behaviour that allows you to believe that adultery is okay.

This is true. There is no excuse for her A. You are both 50 per cent responsible for the conditions of the M. She is 100 per cent responsible for her decision to cheat.



Youd have to give it up to follow an MB recovery plan. Its impossible to contiunue under MB because it 'squanders' opportunities to fall back in love. Sex deposits more LB units than any other activity. So in MB sexual activity must be exclusive.

We are bound by the ToS (and our own forum experience) to give only MB advice. You wont hear non MB advice around here.

Don't you think your wifes attitude to porn is somthing of a red flag?

So it would have been OK the week before fantasy became reality?

The theme you find distasteful is just what all porn does. All porn is based on some taboo being broken. Usually the taboo is propositioning a stranger or someone inappropriate. That isn't a harmless fantasy either (for a married person) if its an idea that really appeals.

An idea that really appeals changes a persons sexual appetite.
Your wife found the cuckold concept appealing. She probably finds other porn scenarios appealing too.

What's the difference between her cheating in the mind, lusting after the images of actors - and doing it in body?

We see this merge towards danger all the time here.

If a woman you knew offered to make you a sexual video of her,as a one-off just for kicks would you accept?

What about sending pics to your phone?

What's the difference between a RL woman and an actress?

None, really.

If you limit your MB advisors to non-Christians only, there will be very few left to talk to you.

Porn can be bad for a marriage no doubt about it. But it is not the same as cheating. They do not leave the marriage for a porn partner and all the other things involved in an affair. They don't move porn partner into their house or introduce you to porn partner.

For instance my XW loved to withhold sex from me. That was her "Thing". She would make me pay by stopping sex unless I caved in to whatever she wanted. So she ended up screwing another man on the side.

You would think that withholding sex from your husband would cause him to cheat. But instead she was the one that withheld and cheated.

So why didn't I cheat? It was a big need for me yet I chose not to do it. Well the reason I did not cheat is because it is wrong.

Porn is not an excuse to have an affair. If it is then men who have wives that shop too much and spend to much money could cause a man to have an affair.

But we all know that is not an excuse or a reason to cheat.

The strange thing is I divorced her and now she hardly even dates anyone. She was sleeping with another man when we were married but she is so sad all the time now she does not date.

That does not mean that I think porn is good for a marriage. But one thing I know for sure is she is taking cocaine and she even watches porn herself.

I realize a lot of women hate porn. Can someone please explain to me why they don't want men to look at porn but in the nightstand next to the bed they have a drawer of sex toys for her. I guess what I am saying if porn is cheating then using sex toys and not having sex with your husband would be cheating also. A women is getting "Fulfillment" from her toys while lamenting the fact that her spouse is getting his jollies looking at porn just seems wrong to me.

But we all know there is no valid reason to bring another PERSON into the marriage.

OP you have some hard choices to make. I like what you have done with exposure. Be vigilant and don't let your her lie to you. You guys have a long way to go to repair your marriage. Best of luck to you.

The rule that only your spouse meets ENs applies to both men and women. Sex without your spouse, using any kind of porn or gadget, is a missed opportunity to meet each others most intimate needs and a red flag that you are not POJAing sex fulfillment properly.

Meeting your own needs independently is not MB.

No one suggested anything to do with gadgets. Both men and women on these boards were merely giving MB advice that porn leads to affairs and is bad for a marriage even where it hasnt yet.

Neither do adulterers. They want sex on the side and their BS to carry on meeting a variety of needs in the home.

We have a BW on these boards right now who is battling a problem where her H is constantly contacting porn pros for video and phone sex. They are also available for hook ups in person for the right amount of cash. He refuses to take a poly to prove he has not already done this. His porn habit began in a light user way.

The original poster on this thread objected to pictures of an OM taken on a phone when his wife was not with him. But was it really much of a moral leap for her, considering the porn pics she usually looked at, which were taken elsewhere?

Not every porn user becomes an addict, but not every smoker dies of cancer. Anyone who would run the risk rather than make a better, exclusive sex life , is very probably an addict that can't face giving up.

Alright, I am back after cooling off and dealing with a variety of issues.


*****EDIT****

Please email any complaints, concerns, questions about Moderation on MB directly to the moderators or to me JustUss2@aol.com per TOS!!
**************************


Now I ask you MB'ers, what is it about porn that makes it so bad? I have looked over the bevvy of citations for the descrimination of porn from those that are not adverse to it on the basis of faith. Furthermore, I really don't see anything there that applies to my situation.

Now, having said that there seems to be some sort of pre-existing stigma here that is unwarranted. Were it that the content of the porn was that of two married people consumating their relationship in a husband and wife manner, would that then be appropriate?

It also appears that the concern is that porn can lead to some sort of fantasy become reality (or vice versa), but this precludes everything else that is also fantasy.

Consider logical fallacies here. Circumstantial Ad Hominem, Ad Hominem Tu Quoque, Post Hoc, Appeal to Belief, Begging the Question... I see a great deal of these.

Heck, I might be guilty of prescribing the Relativist Fallacy - given that there was actual empirical evidence indicating that porn is actually "bad".