No buy it for her as a surprise. Meets needs for FS, affection etc.


And the all important need for you to snoop on her

I am not adverse to buying a phone for her, I know it'll be easy to install an Android or BB snooper on there.

Wayyyy off-topic, but are you over at XDA?

Yeah, you bet. You?

You mentioned her phone as a trigger...

Let me tell you my experience with phones:

- Discovered the affair by finding dozens of disgusting text messages on her cell phone.

- Discovered an affair phone (prepaid) in her car with more of the same, this one met a ball peen hammer.

- Discovered she bought a second affair phone by looking at a Target receipt. When I demanded she hand it over, she claim she gave it to a friend. I demanded that she get it for me, so the next day she bought yet another prepaid phone and gave it to me instead.

- Never did produce the other phone and I could never find it.

- Fast forward to being divorced for 6 months, she gives my oldest son his own cell phone. Guess what, its the affair phone with contacts and some call history still in it! She gave the damn affair phone to my son...GRRRR.

I HATE cell phones...

A ball peen is the right answer to so many perplexing questions of what to do with affairanalia.

Yup. Same user name, just no underscore. I'm in with the Galaxy Note crowd.

Good to know about the affair phone...

My WW is poor enough that another prepay style phone might be out of reach, but I'll snoop in her car, which I havent done in a while...


I am on the Samsung Galaxy 3 forums. Yay for almost fully functional ICS!

Excluding the WW? I kid, I kid, of course she is fair game.

Sarcasm extremely intentional.

Checked WW's car. All clean. WW hasn't as of late, including all my snooping etc... given me cause to think she is in contact with OM, nor any other A's...

*Cautiously* optimistic on this one.

Thoughts?

I have some thoughts.
My ex was in her 30's when she had a EA then PA with a 20something POS. That was 11 years ago. 7 years later it started again with a POS next door who also happened to be 10 years her junior. Why? probably because we never recovered properly from the first go around. We THOUGHT we recovered. NC was in place (in spite of not knowing about MB). We thought we had a great marriage after that. Everyone thought we had a great marriage after that. But in reality we just gradually slipped back into the same behaviors and attitudes that lead to the original A (including my own along the way ). No MB recovery = no recovery.

I'm just saying that you are absolutely in the right place to understand what is going on. You are in the right place to continue to try and evaluate what you want to do and how to do it. However, it takes time. Time, patience, and a lot of reading, writing, and reflecting. These concepts are difficult to grasp fully and even harder to implement. However, they are ESSENTIAL to your future success in a marriage. You need to "get it" and your wife needs to "get it" or you will find yourself in a similar situation down the road. Next time it might not be so cut-and-dried: you might have other people to consider.

opt

PS. My exWW wasin the food service industry as well. It's an excellent area to work in if you happen to have zero boundaries.

When you say it was 'clean', what do you mean?

Are you verifying using ALL snooping methods possible?

VARs, GPS, keyloggers etc?

Clean one day doesnt mean clean the next.

MBers are neither optimistic nor pessimistic and they do not hope or despair.

They have a plan for all eventualities, and they do not hope, they verify.

A good start. Keep on!

Thanks optimism and indiegirl.

I am not so naive to think that just because she hasn't done anything as of late, that I know of.... that she won't engage in further behavior.

I am verifying as much as I can, when I can, including asking people she is going to visit, her work schedule, monitoring the computers, snooping in her cell, following her, asking where she will be etc...

I am a curious skeptic by nature. It's also the reason why I am good at my job. Skeptic of ideas presented, but curious to entertain learning before jumping to a conclusion.

I know this all too well.

I am often presented with problems where there is a clear solution based on sound science and methodogy, but am often hindered by political issues, because science and engineering plays second fiddle to emotions. In this manner I am challenged to provided alternate solutions to the physical and politcal challenges.

Here's a good read for anyone like myself who has ever wondered "why" about society:

**edit**

This should be mandatory reading for anyone with an IQ over 80.

Yoir snooping methods are good old fashioned ones you should certainly keep doing. Those methods certainly worked for me.

But I would certainly add at least a VAR to the mix. Something she wouldn't expect and couldn't anticipate. She's on alert now.

The A is an enemy, if you read the Art of War in my sig, an important tactic is to attack using the least expected method.

Sat in my car overlooking her work as she visited with her friend that provided her with coke.

Can see into the table that the staff usually sits at.

While out to dinner with friends she received texts from a new number. Will have to monitor.

Most likely same said friend as her cell phone died a little while ago.

Going silent for a while. WW suspects that I am checking up on her. I will be back when the level of suspicion lessens.

Other news, WW has agreed to get rid of the cell phone.

WW was looking at Cuckold Porn yesterday... gross.

Anyone run into this?

Unfortunately, it's not entirely uncommon, though not every WS does this. When a person leaves behind all morality and decency, adultery is often only one of many destructive vices they indulge in.

When you're talking about a WW who has committed adultery, crossed taboos while doing so, and done drugs besides, it's not unthinkable that she would delve into porn, as well. It doesn't make it any less painful, just less surprising.

In order to become a woman fit to be a good wife and mother, she will need to make the most fundamental changes, all the way at the foundational character level. God will help her with that, if she lets Him.

I don't really care about the porn. I indulge in porn all the time.

What bothers me however, is the content of the porn.

Much in the way that one would have an issue with their spouse looking at bestiality, child porn or anything of dubious content.

Porn is adultery.