She wants to adopt children, keep her last name, and have separate bank accounts? She is also very much against the idea of religion. This worries me a little bit.

Yes I know it's not the 1950's anymore, but it seems like she wants to keep a lot of her independence and my fear is that if she ever wanted a divorce it would be a lot easier for her to make a clean break from me. With the religion thing it also makes me think she wouldn't take her vows seriously (ie: cheating/divorce). She already had an emotional affair and has a few friends of the opposite sex.

What do you all think?

What the heck? You know we know it is you from the other thread right?

Sorry, I won't post again for a little while. I was just wondering what others would do in this situation.

We've already TOLD YOU. Starting a new thread isn't going to change the advice.

You were living with her for sex, so it sounds like you are also very much against the idea of religion. I think if you want a religious wife, you have to act religious.

I still believe that it's a bad idea to have sex with someone you are not married to, even if you are single. I still believe God thinks so, too. What religion do you follow?

12345,

If you are still here, this woman does not want a marriage.

She wants a companion/ father to HER children / backup guy when her sexual affairs go sour/ Servant. Talk about selfish and spoiled!

The fact that she wants to adopt rather than bear your children is troubling. Please run from this woman and do not let her connive you back into her controlling arms.

I doubt her "EA" was not an EA/PA.

God Bless
Gamma

I don't think this woman ever was interested in marriage with 12345. She doesn't want to speak with him right now.

I suspect 12345 is dealing with infatuation with this girl rather than wanting to develop a relationship that had any prospects of marriage. It sounds like he thinks he can turn an unstable dating relationship and two mismatched immature people into a good marriage.

Religion is irrelevant to taking your vows seriously. There are plenty of people here who identify as Christians who conveniently overlooked the part about not committing adultery.

I am an agnostic and take my vows quite seriously, thank you very much.

If it is that important to you that your prospective spouse have religion of some sort, then date someone who already follows your desired religion. Seems pretty simple.

I thought religious people saved sex for marriage? Yet on your other thread you didn't seem to have any moral qualms about bedding her...

Exactly! Excellent post, bitbucket.


This. You are right, it is simple.

No, you shouldn't, if that isn't what you want.

When I was in high school our school in its infinite wisdom thought it would be a good idea to have small discussion groups with students randomly assigned (I didn't even go to class with any of these kids except for one friend) to discuss serious topics every month. One month the topic was what to look for in a husband or wife. They didn't give us any guidance, it was just kids talking to each other with one adult as a facilitator, so there was little wisdom to be gained, only shared youthful foolishness, but it was interesting and enlightening to me to hear what other kids said.

Several boys in the group identified the number one quality for their wife as "virgin." I thought that was interesting, because that was not what I put down.

The really interesting thing to me was that several girls got mad. The reason they got mad was that they said it was hypocritical for guys to seek a virgin but not be virgin themselves. Now I was a bit offended at that implication, but the interesting thing for me was this perception of a double standard.

And, assuming these boys were really living by that standard (which might be a safe bet given that sex was the first thing they talked about, I dunno) then these girls were exactly right. It is repugnant and offensive to suggest that a guy can cat around like a male whore and then finally "settle down" with a good Christian girl. It is a disgusting abuse of that girl and a fraud committed toward her.

OP, if you intend to marry a Christian girl some day, then start making yourself somebody who she deserves, and start by living by the religious values you want her to live by. Don't make that poor noble lady settle some day for used, damaged goods. Be a man and put your genitals back in your pants until your wedding night, and be sure to let any lady you are interested in in the future know your full history so she can judge if you have overcome your past baggage or not.

In that same discussion in school, I put down that I wanted my wife to be a Christian and of the same faith traditions as me. That opened me up to quite a bit of criticism from the same gripy girls. They said I was being unfair and eliminating lots of potentially good people.

But the thing is I knew what I want. They didn't want to date or marry me anyway, and I wasn't interested in them, so I don't know what they were upset about! There was no sense in getting involved with someone that I wasn't going to potentially marry some day. The only consequence of that is to see one's personal convictions and boundaries move and then fly out the window.

I married a Christian, of my faith tradition, and we were both virgins on our wedding night. I say this not to brag (some wouldn't consider any of this anything to brag about, anyway) but to condemn the idea that this kind of thing is "unrealistic." People shouldn't condemn doing the right thing as unrealistic just to justify their own urge to get sexual needs met in an uncommitted relationship.

From your other thread:
I think marrying a woman who doesn't talk to you would make it difficult to know what kind of shampoo she wants you to pick up from the store on your way home from work. Since you are a guy, you won't know this yourself, and you'll need her to tell you.

Nah, it's just not gonna work for you two. You know how many different kinds of shampoo there are, right? Trust me, you'll have a lot more fun with a woman who actually speaks with you, because in a functioning marriage, you kinda oughtta be doing this every day, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Otherwise when you've been married almost 20 years like I've been, you'll have, like, four closets full of the wrong shampoo.

OMG, so after all these years I finally discover what the problem is. I only have about 20 bottles of the wrong shampoo in our linen closet. Apparently I am 3.8 closets short!

The right shampoo is critical.

I love to mix several shampoos on my head while washing my hair...so I'm good with 20 different kinds.