|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
That is great! And I am presuming they fully support you in your quest for a polygraph? Yes, they support the poly 200%, but I'm not sure his family is supporting the poly, so that is making it difficult. His brother is toxic and not a good influence I feel.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
My guess is he knew about the A and supported it.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721 |
i agree, or he has got his own skeltons and is afraid that his W would do the same.....
do you still have the appointment set? maybe if he gets moving and speaks to them he can still make it.
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
That is great! And I am presuming they fully support you in your quest for a polygraph? Yes, they support the poly 200%, but I'm not sure his family is supporting the poly, so that is making it difficult. His brother is toxic and not a good influence I feel. I agree his brother is not a good influence. If his family supports your marriage they will support the polygraph because you have made it clear that is what it will take to assure you he is telling you the truth. I have a bad feeling there is much more which would explain his resistance. He may be protecting the OW #1. How much does he usually travel? How much travel over the past few years?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
Trust is a concept that is widely misused within marriages.
You should not blindly trust your spouse. Ever.
TRANPARENCY is what marriage requires. When you are transparent, there is no opportunity to start down that slippery slope of bad behavior with the opposite sex.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
The appt is scheduled for 6pm, which is 4 hours away. I haven't canceled it, hoping for the best, but realizing that he still may not go through with it. I pray that my sister can convince him. If anybody can do it, my sister can. Oh, just found out he is in his way over to pick up clothes, etc, with my sister. He told my sister that he is staying at a friends house for a couple of days to give us a break. This doesn't sound like he is going through with the poly.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
A wayward who chooses a break over a chance to prove himself usually has a 'decision' to make.
I'm really sorry you are being trickletruthed Starfish, it hurts like nothing else.
Has he done any travelling, as Mel asked?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
That lifestyle is an invitation to an affair. Did you realize that? Being apart this way creates an emotional detachment and gives him the opportunity to create the necessary secret second life. Affairs are epidemic in marriages where there are traveling jobs. Check out this thread and Dr Harley's comments on traveling jobs. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=165049&Number=2563215#Post2563215
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
[quote=indiegirl]A wayward who chooses a break over a chance to prove himself usually has a 'decision' to make.
What do you mean?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
He won't let me have the laptop.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
He's risking his marriage to protect a secret. He is very likely protecting OW1. You have to be prepared for the fact there is a full blown or continuing A and that he considers her an option. When it was a secret, he didn't have to decide to throw OW under a bus to have his marriage. He could have her too, at least as a future option. Now he has to decide whether to keep her secret or protect your safety and his marriage. Sounds dumb, I know. Waywards are. You've made the right choice painfully clear but when your head is fogged out on wayward levels of dopamine, the only thing they consider a 'win' is being able to have it all. You're fighting a good battle to clear out the stupid fog. Its admirable.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
He won't let me have the laptop. Tell him he is welcome to have it tomorrow. Then put a keylogger on it today. He is trying to clear out the evidence. Who does the laptop belong to?
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
I left with the laptop while he was taking the dogs for a walk. I'm hiding out until my sister tells me that he left the house. He packed a [censored] of clothes and sunscreen!!! I sent my sister a text and told her that I love him!!! She must have told him, because he sent me a text that read:
I love you too. We will get through this some how. I'm going to find a counselor to talk to.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
What type of key logger should I get and what else should I look for?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
I love you too. We will get through this some how. I'm going to find a counselor to talk to. Make an appt with the Harleys for him.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
My sister showed him the text that I sent her that said:
I love him!!!
She said he was bawling in uncontrolably in her arms and thanked her and said he really needed to see and hear that.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
I left with the laptop while he was taking the dogs for a walk. You are good Starfish. Great work.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 803 |
Ok, I will make an appt for him.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
507
guests, and
55
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
