AEK1. Think of it this way. If your son was being bullied at school and the people in charge did nothing to stop it...you would move him to another school. Right?

The same applies here. You are being bullied and no one will step up. So the next logical step is to get out of that circle.

Move your son to another league altogether. Kids are pretty tough and he will be fine. It may also be a good thing in helping him with the upcoming move because he will see how easy it is to make new friends. Make it a positive thing.

Here is the update!!!! Our stuff leaves the UK on 9 July.......and we leave mid August. I have 20 weddings to 'do' and the children have to finish school. But in the grand scheme of things, this is not long. Ever since confirming our move to Dubai, I feel freer, I have hardly thought of her and am not bothered by my ex friends behaviour. Truly. Surprisingly. Relieved.
So I totally know that the healing has started and the recovery is well under way. We are closer. We understand more. This is only possible due to the support of MB. I cannot recommend your site, books and forum more........you have saved my marriage and I will work hard to keep in this way. x

my friend.

Now the recovery can truly start. Remember marathon and not a sprint.

Kuddos to you.

AEK, I am so happy to hear this. I can only imagine how much freer you will feel after the move. Although it won't be easy, it is most definitely needed. You're doing so well.

AEK,

This is wonderful news. Moving makes such a difference. And there will be plenty to do until the moving date. Dont forget your UA time in all the busyness.

AM

Thank you all. It is hard work and I will never stop working at my marriage. In a strange sort of way I am grateful for what has happened......we are better than we ever have been.

Not having a good day. Desperate to move as old friends being friends with her kills me. How can they want to be friends knowing about all the lies.... I guess they don't want to see it.

Sorry you're having a bad day. Some people don't want to take a stand. They just want everyone to "be happy". Let them be faced with infidelity and they may sing a different tune.

If these friends are hurting you so much why stay friends? You leave in less than 2 months. Are these friends really worth it?

AEK,

I agree. There is no reason to remain friends with people who are not supportive of your marriage. Currently, we have no interaction with anyone who interacted with OW. It was pretty easy because we moved 1200 miles away about three months after the D-day.

Also, I no longer interact with my MIL. Two and one-half years ago, she facilitated the contact during the false recovery. She lives across the country from us and after a minor stroke, my H went to stay with her for two weeks to work on her house so she could get around. During his stay, H contacted the OW via email and phone. MIL knew about all of it and told H "he should do whatever makes him happy". I have had one telephone conversation since then, never received an apology, and have no desire to see or talk to her again. H occasionally calls her. She hinted for a visit, but we have no intentions to go. I chalk it up to another consequence of my H's selfish, poor decisions.

Drop these non-friends.


AM

AEK1. I just back from my DD9's soccer game. One of her friends (Jane) is on the other team. "Jane's" Dad had an A last year and walked out on Jane and her Mom. He "married" his affair partner one day after the divorce. His affair partner is the sister of one of the mothers.

I sat on the opposite side of the field and watched everyone joke and laugh with him including some of the other mothers. They all know what happened...they want to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen. It makes their own life easier.

It's so hard.......I am finding cutting off from these people so hard. Cannot comprehend why they are stilling hanging out with OW and making bugger all effort with me. How do I cope with this anger and disappointment?

You cut them off so you aren't continually reminded of your anger and disappointment.

Dear all
Today is the day. We are flying to Dubai for our bee life/start.
We are so much better this end. We are communicating well and happy to be together. It has taken nearly 2 years to get here but we are now ready for our move.
I still get down about the friends who has so badly disappointed me but it's not as frequent as before. I have cut off from all of those who cannot choose.
I know my H and I still need more time together to talk and experience each other and I know when we are in Dubai we will have more time for each other and as a family. It has been busy here with so much work, moving, house renovations etc.
But although we are still in recovery I feel we are def on the right journey.

Thank you!

friend. Love your new H and your new life.

AEK,

Thanks for the positive update. I can hear the happiness in your post.

AM

My only advice is to NEVER look at facebook. Find other ways to communicate with family and "real" friends like Skype. It can get lonely starting over and being the new guy in a new country. Resist any urge to peek if the karma bus has hit yet... just have faith that it will.

It sounds like you are on the right path. Look forward and create new wonderful memories.

Good luck on your journey.

AEK, you will have a GLORIOUS life, I have no doubt.

You will make new and better friends.

Stay in touch.

Good for you!

So, we are here in UAE. There are nice people and although I know the world is a small place and that some people will know what happened or find out somehow, I have no intention of talking about it. I do not want to take 'it' with me. So if people ask, I will simply change their subject. The whole experience has made me realise how common the issue really is.Sad but true. We are doing well here. The kids have settled and we are mending....still working on it....as you cannot afford to take your eye off the ball. I think I have personally sold about 100 copies of His Needs Her Needs.....I recommend it to everybody. I still have down moments....they never last a day now, but I did have one yesterday......and I will really like your help and advice as to how to deal with it......PLEASE!

I came across a picture of OW's son and my son - at their nativity play...it was the day the news broke. They were shaking hands in the picture and it really got to me. I had 3/4 hours of feeling very shaky. I guess I should trash the photos so that I do not come across them again, but as a photographer and mother to the little boy in the photos, I cannot do this. May be I should put them on a disk and hide them away. I didn't go looking for the picture ....I was looking for something else.

Because of the holidays we all shared, I still have these photos too and really do not know what to do with them..........destroy the memories totally?????

I am not angry any more, just sad. I know what happened has helped us in so many ways but the thing I have really not dealt with yet.....and you will all scream at me.....is the fact that 2/3 people who I considered friends are still friendly with her. They want my friendship too and in fact one of them sent me an email yesterday but they don;t understand that this is too hard for me. I cannot give true friendship to people who are friendly to to OW - surely? Am I being reasonable....I know you will say 'yes' and the NC thing is a must for recovery.....but as we all know with some people it is so hard and you cannot comprehend them waiting to be friends with the OW. People have made it out to be my weakness which I hate.

The karma bus will come....it has to.....even if it doesn't, at least we are in a better place. Thank you for everything......

Hi AEK1.

It sounds like you are doing very well.

I got rid of all the pictures that reminded me of that time. I actually made a project of it and spent a day sanitizing my photo collection. I did not see the need to hold on to things that brought me sadness. That's just me.

Block your old "friends" if their contact is a trigger. No need to say anything more...just block them and keep stepping forward.